Tag Archives | boys
July 11, 2011

15



What's It Worth?

It’s About What You Got Across Not What You Think You Said or Did

Disclaimer: I’m not an expert. Do I live this way? Most probably not, which explains my current status. These are OPINIONS. Don’t bet your life on them.

If you want to read the others, you can read them at the following links:

1. It’s About What’s Most Important?
2. It’s Not About What You Think You Deserve. It’s About Who You Choose
3. It’s About What You Got Across Not What You Think You Said or Did
4. It’s About Infinite Possibilities Not Minimum Requirements
5. It’s About Whatever It Takes

I don’t know how many times I goofed or messed up while having good intentions. I remember once, I saw two of my friends (they were cousins), and I had heard that their grandmother had died, so I went up to them and gave my condolences only to be told, “David! She’s not dead! She’s just sick!” That was incredibly embarrassing, but not as bad as when, exactly one week after, I saw the same two cousins, and asked them if their grandma was getting better. Shaking their heads they responded, “David. She’s dead.”

***Awkward silence***

What does this have to do with relationships? It’s simple. Our good intentions aren’t enough. What’s important is that we get the right message across.

I was genuinely asking about the health of my friends’ grandmother, but the message I sent was, “I really have no idea what’s happening in your life, so I’m making a fool of myself”.

In business, no matter how many times a salesman says his lines, or hands out flyers, or makes calls if nobody’s buying then he’s not succeeding in getting his message across. It’s not the customer’s fault if he doesn’t want to buy. He can say “Buy this. Buy this. But this. Buy this.” a million times. If the customer isn’t convinced, he won’t get the sale. The burden of communicating a message is always with the messenger, not the receiver.

So you mean that if I told my girlfriend she’s beautiful a million times a day there’s still a chance she’ll get jealous when my head turns towards the hot girl walking past?

Yes. Why? Maybe it’s because all your head-turning is causing her to feel insecure. It’s not how many times you call her beautiful that will make her feel secure.

What will make her secure then? I have no idea. But you have to figure it out and reinforce it, because it’s not about how many times you say something, it’s about getting the message across.

In the same way if a simple note in his luggage will send the message, then write those notes. You don’t have to worry about doing anything crazy, just get the message across.

You’ll notice that I’m not giving exact steps to get the message across, and the reason is because it’s different for everyone. Some people are moved by just the slightest things, some need something more deliberate, but whatever it is the principle here is: Get the Message Across.

And what’s the message?

That you value your partner most. That you chose them and continue to choose to put them first daily. That you’re excited about the unlimited possibilities you have together. And that you’ll do what it takes.

In other words, the message is, “I love you”.

How you get that message across is where the fun and challenge lies. But it’s worth it because remember this is the person you value most.

Notes for the Ladies (and for guys as well):
1. A smooth guy isn’t enough – in fact, be careful. They’ll know what to say and do, they’ll be funny, seem smart and opinionated, and seem generally well-liked. But until you know what he’s made off, and see that he’s worth it, don’t fall in love. Instead look for kindness, generosity (not to be mixed up with galante), humility, patience, and passion. Look for love, not romance. If you’re not getting the message (that he values you most. That he chose you and continues to choose to put you first daily. That he’s excited about the unlimited possibilities you have together. And that he’ll do what it takes.), seriously take this into consideration: you don’t want to be with anyone who doesn’t communicate these things to you – no matter how rich or good looking he is.

2. Don’t fall in love on your own – you’ll probably hate me for adding this, but my stock among females isn’t high anyway so there’s nothing to lose. Don’t fall in love on your own. “We don’t do that!!!” Let me explain, you see a cute guy, you ask your friend what his name is, you check him out on facebook and find out he likes kids and can cook, then you hear another friend say what a great guy he is, and it turns out he lives in your village, your heart is beating a little faster with each revelation, then you realize you share the same birthday, and that he also likes the color red and the same bands, and movies, it gets better and better, culminating in the only possible conclusion: you two were meant for each other. Um… NO. It could also mean that he’s just really a great guy. It could also mean you don’t know enough about him. It could also mean you have a lot of similarities. It could mean a hundred other things but all on your own you fell in love. Instead, don’t be pathetic. Busy yourself with your life’s purpose, walk the very special path prepared for you, and grow, and learn, and improve, before you know it may meet someone interesting, and when you do you’ll be happy you lived right, because you won’t need to pretend, you’re already impressive. If things work out, it’s even better; you’ll be offering him a wonderful version of yourself. Not something in desperate need of improvement.

3. Be aware of what you’re communicating – By this point, your head is probably thinking about whether your guy is communicating the proper things. But before guys become the bad guys, look at yourself and think about what you’re communicating. What does your facebook or twitter status messages say about you? What do your pictures or poses convey? I personally cringe at the number of people who retweet every known love quote on the planet. Some guys might actually like that. I’m not saying pretend, but be wise about what you put out. In this social age you can either build a great reputation or sell yourself cheap. Are you too easy to get? Are you too stuck-up and stiff? Are you kind? What are you? Who are you? These are just a few questions to help you as you figure out what you’re communicating.

February 9, 2010

0



Thoughts of a Lost Boy

Boys & Girls

On an empty path with fallen leaves, crumpled grass, beneath a canopy of trees, lay a little girl with eyes shut tight and all four limbs outstretched. “I’m floating down a river, the great river that opens to the ocean.” she whispered to herself.

“Excuse me”, said a little boy, a little boy she didn’t know had been watching her for close to a minute, and a minute is a long time for a little boy. “You might have forgotten but you’re on grass. You’re not in a river. And our river, it doesn’t open to the ocean. It opens to more river and a hundred other rivers before it opens to the ocean.”

“Can’t you see I’m imagining?”

“I didn’t know girls knew how to imagine.”

“Of course we do! We can do everything you can – and better!”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to suggest that you weren’t as good as…”

“What were you suggesting?”

“Nothing. I wasn’t suggesting anything. I…”

“Then mind your own business!”

“Ok ok… Take it easy. I’m going. I’m going.”

“Girls are crazy.” he told himself. “I was only trying to help. How was I to know they also imagined?”

Naïve as little boys are sometimes, he didn’t realize that little girls do. Do imagine, I mean. And even as he turned his way, this little girl’s mind was already forming, the images, sensations, and a matrimonial storyline.

“He loves me. I’m sure of it. And I love him too!”

September 3, 2009

2



Brothers Bonifacio

The Promise We Thought We Wanted

I found this document recently after Macy and Varsha reminded me that it existed. It was the introduction and table of contents for a book I was writing entitled The Promise We Thought We Wanted. If the title sounds familiar it’s because it’s a play on my dad’s book The Promise No One Wants. Now before you read this, and before you think it was conceived by a chauvinist pig, this was written completely in jest.

So a ‘joking’ chauvinist pig wrote it.

Without further ado, the Table of Contents and Introduction to The Promise We Thought We Wanted:

Table of Contents
Chapter 1: Faithful Partner – Learn from dogs: they’re loyal but they die pretty fast
Chapter 2: In Sickness and in Health – Even when it is her that makes you sick
Chapter 3: In Good Times and Bad – Most of the time she’s good and you’re bad (or is that all the time? I forget.)
Chapter 4: In Joy as Well as Sorrow – Feelings don’t matter. At least not yours…
Chapter 5: Unconditionally – The bad news
Chapter 6: To Support Her Goals – Even when they are to destroy you
Chapter 7: To Honor and Respect Her – Be creative. Use your imagination.
Chapter 8: To Laugh with Her and Cry with Her – And make her believe like you mean it
Chapter 9: To Cherish Her – Yes, even more than sports.
Chapter 10: As Long as You Both Shall Live – The real bad news
Chapter 11: We won’t live forever – There is hope

Introduction: Her ways and thoughts are higher than yours
I don’t understand females. I can understand both integral and differential calculus, I can understand stock tickers, and I’m starting to understand tax laws – but I can’t understand females. Many strategists, from Sun Tzu to Machiavelli advise that you must know your opponent – and they’re talking about someone you don’t live with. What more marriage??? We need to know our opponent…err… partner.

To prove my point,

You come home from work and you’ve had a long day. Suddenly your wife shouts, “Honey, is that you?”

What do you answer?

If Yes:
She answers, “Come up I have something
to ask you”

If No:
She answers, “Liar. I know it’s you.
Come up I need to ask you
something”.

She asks you, “Should I wear the black dress or the orange one?”

If you say the black one:
She answers, “Why not the orange one? I kinda
like the orange one.

If you say the orange one:
She answers, “Why not the black one? I kinda
like the black one.

If you answer that black suits her:
She answers: “So orange doesn’t suit me?

If you answer that orange suits her:
She answers: “So black doesn’t suit me?

If you answer orange suits her:
She answers: “Then why’d you pick black?

If you answer black suits her:
She answers: “Then why’d you pick orange?

Fast-forward to a few minutes later…

She answers: “Are you trying to tell me I’m fat?”

One moment you’re enjoying a peaceful drive home enjoying wonderful music from your iPod, and the next thing you know you find yourself in the eye of a storm. I wrote this book for you – exactly you. A lot of lives were sacrificed in the production of this book. A lot of lives lost in the name of research. But they did not die in vain. We will not let that happen.

To be honest, no one died. Two key sources: Pastor Paolo and Carlos are still very much alive. Of course they’ll deny they had any role in this book.

-

That’s where it ended. I gave in to political pressure. And the fear that the hand that buys my peanut butter may never show itself again if I bite it. But I guess the main reason I had to stop was the thought that should I wake up one day hopelessly in love I would have shot myself on the foot with a book like this. I’m pretty much starting from negative as it is. I’m sorry guys, you’ll have to figure it out on your own.

August 26, 2008

10



Brothers Bonifacio

The Saps

When the Moon Hits Your Eye
I haven’t found Cupid’s passion-tipped arrows, but love is definitely in the air at the Bonifacio residence. Our house has turned into a veritable rubber tree – full of sap. First of all there’s Joe and his new “friend”. Then there’s Josh and his “forever friend”. But the final proof comes from my dad, my hero, the only one who’s ever agreed with me that a Braveheart wedding (horseback, rain, grass, just three people, a lake) was a great idea, my efficient, early sleeping, early waking, running, scheduled, intense father has gone the way of Nicholas Sparks with his “I miss my wife post”.

The Good Old Days
Things weren’t always so mushy. I miss the good old days when Josh would wake me in the middle of the night and ask whether I would rather eat someone’s toe jam or lick the dirt off some thick-necked person. Or when Joe would destroy my GI Joes and hang them from hooks on our windows, as a warning to would be enemies. He even melted one of my guys on the light bulb of one of our living room lamps. I know he looks like the quintessential pastor’s kid but it was his idea to pour alcohol all over our bathroom and set it on fire. I don’t know how many lamps or windowpanes we broke, or how many walls we ruined, or 110s plugged into 220s, or how many cars we crashed. But we were boys, no, we were more than boys, we were the knights of the round table, gunfighters in Ok Corral, soldiers storming Normandy, and…

… I just realized. Joe always got the cool guy, like Wyatt Earp, or the Lone Ranger, or King Arthur. And I got the sidekick, like Tonto, or Robin or the next coolest like Lancelot. We would make a character up for Josh or he would get someone like Sir Bors. Who the heck is Sir Bors??? Joe read all the books and knew all the stories, so he knew which characters were cool. I can’t believe I agreed to be Tonto. “That right, Kemo Sabe.” Crap. Now I feel cheated…

Legends of the Fall
Part of any good brothers story is the rivalry. And we fought for and about everything. Like who was the strongest? Or the fastest? Or the best in basketball? There were areas where superiority was accepted. Joe was definitely the smartest. And Josh was the funniest. I could never win any argument against either of them. Joe would beat me with logic. Josh would beat me by having absolutely no logic. I probably lost in every category, but that’s ok, I won where it counts – looks.

We’re All Saps
As I sit in the patio, the same patio where we had our food fights, where my dad got mad at Josh for drawing a breast before realizing it was half a lime (what’s up with Josh and breasts?), where Joe would shoot cats before they died on the Murrells garage, where WD-40 canisters turned into bug frying flamethrowers, and where we would trade stories about Mang Manny (our incredibly strong and able driver) the toughest man alive next to Chuck Norris, I can’t help but admit, the oak has joined the Hevea.