The Dying Art of Thinking

Got this from my friend Mark Baretto. It’s by Ravi Zacharias, one of my favorite writers. I highly recommend that you read this. When our thinking remains shallow, we end up  attracted to shallow things, pursuing shallow desires, and living shallow lives. It’s easier to do what everyone else is doing or approves of. It’s easier to like what everyone else likes. Don’t be simple minded. Think. Study. Learn. Commit.

The Dying Art of Thinking
The 17th-century French philosopher Rene Descartes (pronounced Day-Kart) is best known for his dictum, “I think, therefore, I am.” A cynic may well quip that Descartes actually put des cart before des horse, because all he could have legitimately deduced was, “I think, therefore, thinking exists.” I do not intend to defend or counter Cartesian philosophy; I only wish to underscore that thinking has much to do with life and certainty.

One of the tragic casualties of our age has been that of the contemplative life—a life that thinks, thinks things through, and more particularly, thinks God’s thoughts after Him.

A person sitting at his desk and staring out of the window would never be assumed to be working. No! Thinking is not equated with work. Yet, had Newton under his tree, or Archimedes in his bathtub bought into that prejudice, some natural laws would still be up in the air, or buried under an immovable rock. Pascal’s Pensees, a work that has inspired millions, would have never been penned.

The Bible places supreme value in the thought life. “As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he,” Solomon wrote. Jesus asserted that sin’s gravity lay in the idea itself, not just the act. Paul admonished the church at Philippi to have the mind of Christ, and to the same people he wrote, “Whatever is true . . . pure . . . if there be any virtue . . . think on these things.”

The follower of Christ must demonstrate to the world what it is not just to think, but to think justly. But how does one manage this in a culture where progress is determined by pace and defined by quantity?

What is even more destructive is that the greatest demand comes from neither speed nor quantity, but rather from the assumption that silence is inimical to life.

The radio in the car, Muzak in the elevator, and the symphony entertaining the “on hold” callers add up as impediments to personal reflection. In effect, the mind is denied the privilege of living with itself even briefly, and is crowded with outside impulses to cope with aloneness.

Aldous Huxley’s indictment, “Most of one’s life . . . is one prolonged effort to prevent thinking”, seems frightfully true. The price paid for this scenario has been devastating. T. S. Eliot observed:

“Where is the life we have lost in the living?
Where is the wisdom we have lost in knowledge?
Where is the knowledge we have lost in information ?
The cycles of heaven in twenty centuries
bring us farther from God and nearer to dust.”

Is there a remedy? May I make some suggestions for personal and corporate benefit?

Study God’s Word
Nothing ranks higher for mental discipline than a planned and systematic study of God’s Word, from whence life’s parameters and values are planted in the mind. Paul, who loved his books and parchments, affirmed the priority of Scripture: “Do not go beyond what is written.” Psalm 119 promises that God’s statutes keep us from being double-minded.

Read Great Books
The English-speaking world is endowed with a wealth of books. But much contemporary literature comes perilously close to a promiscuous religion with an appeal for the “feel better” syndrome, rather than the impetus to “go deeper.”
Read authors who stretch you and introduce you to other writings as well. Great writers stimulate your capacity to think beyond their ideas, spawning fresh insights and extensions of your own. Good reading is indispensable to impartation of truth. An expenditure of words without the income of ideas leads to conceptual bankruptcy.

Challenge the Mind
The church as a whole, and thepulpit in particular, must challenge the mind of this generation, else we betray our trust. The average young person today actually surrenders the intellect to the world, presuming Christianity to be bereft of it. Many a pulpit has succumbed to the lie that anything intellectual cannot be spiritual or exciting.

Thankfully there are exceptions. When living in England, our family attended a church pastored by Roy Clements, one of the finest preachers in the western world. Every Sunday at two morning services he preached a one-hour sermon to a packed auditorium.

Cambridge, being rife with skepticism, demanded a meticulous defense of each sermon text from the assaults of liberalism. An introduction of a technical nature would take up to 15 minutes of his time before he entered into the heart of his message.

I mention this to say one thing. When we were leaving Cambridge, Nathan, who was nine years old, declared the preaching of Roy Clements to be one of his fondest memories. Even as a little boy he had learned that when the mind is rightly approached, it filters down to the heart. The matter I share here has far-reaching implications. We do a disservice to our youth by not crediting them with the capacity to think. We cannot leave this uncorrected.

This is our first issue of Just Thinking. It is our hope that this newsletter will challenge your mind and stir your heart. After all, it is not that I think, therefore, I am, but rather, the Great I Am has asked us to think, and therefore, we must. And we must serve Him with all our minds.

Mother’s Day Lesson: Make the Sacrifice

From now on all generations will call me blessed,
for the Mighty One has done great things for me—
- Mother Mary

Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.
- John 15:13

This is a long post. It’s Mother’s Day, and I think it deserves a lot of attention.

In my last post, I shared about my conversation with Carlos Antonio and how he recounted his marriage talk with his 6-year old girl, Bella. You may read it here: Walk Me Down. This is sort of a part-2 post but switching gears for Mother’s Day because during our conversation, I started teasing Carlos that Bella got her incredible emotions and sweetness from him. For those of you who don’t know Carlos, he is a very gentle, kind, very welcoming, understanding, tactful, patient, forgiving, very thoughtful, sweet, and emotional guy, which basically means he’s everything girls complain that their man is not, and which also means, I have a looong way to go, a looong way to go.

Anyway, back to Carlos.

The interesting thing about his friendly personality and approach to life, is that his whole family is like that. I was classmates with his sister, Janelle and have met his brother, Gerard, and they’re all incredibly nice people. So I told Carlos, with admittedly some envy, “You’re all so nice. You, Gerard, Janelle, you’re all such amazingly sweet people, and now your kids are super sweet too. Even your mom…”

And that’s when I realized, the fruit truly does not fall far from the tree. They were nice, incredibly nice, because their mother, Tita Ditas, had modeled that lifestyle to them. From what I remember of Tita Ditas, since I haven’t seen her in a long time, she is very prayerful, always full of joy, loves people, loves to serve, and hardly ever negative. She reminds me of another great mother I admire, Doris Albornoz, who raised one of my childhood best friends, Zach.

Before leaving for the US a few weeks ago, I spent some time with Zach, his wife, Rinka, and their new baby, Malaya, who I happen to be a godfather to. We talked about how our lives have changed from when we were kids, how we now have to take responsibility for the outcomes of our lives, and in his case, his family. I was looking at their new baby, their new loft, and I was incredibly happy for my friend. Driving back, I remembered how his mother, Tita Doris, would drive him to school in a really old car, how she would wait for him and his sister, and how she was also able to help, along with my mom, in Sunday School back in the 1990s, how she met with other women and encouraged them, and how she managed to be in every wake and every funeral to comfort people. Tita Doris remembers everyone’s birthday, and come to think of it, Zach does too. On the outside, Zach looks like he crushes people to a pulp for a living, but when you see him with his family and hear about his insights, you know that this person has depth. I credit that to the perseverance and prayerfulness of his mom.

 

Sacrifice
When I think about Carlos and Zach, and how they’ve become deep responsible adults who not only take care of their families, but also play a part in their community, I think about the mothers who raised them.

See, I haven’t mentioned that both Tita Ditas and Tita Doris are single mothers. For whatever reason, they found themselves in a situation that wasn’t ideal, and even more, a situation that was very difficult. But they overcame their circumstance with faith, with hope, and, the greatest of all, love.

They didn’t rely on a man, their men had let them down. They didn’t rely on the money, they couldn’t because they didn’t have it. They didn’t rely on their superior strategy, there is none with kids. There was no assurance that their hard work would pay off, I remember Zach and I getting into all sorts of trouble as young men. They overcame by their faith in God, they held on to their hope for their families, and they showed their love through their sacrifice.

I remember my own mom and the sacrifices she made to raise my brothers and I. What a lot of people don’t know is that before we were born, my mom had a copyrighting business. She was brilliant, incredibly creative and a UP scholar. She didn’t become a full-time mom because she couldn’t get another gig. She just knew that she wanted to be with her kids, and we were more than a handful. Yesterday, while at the supermarket with my mom, I remembered how I once crashed the cart through an exhibit of stacked Nescafe bottles. That must have been incredibly embarrassing for her. She also used to tell me of when she used to cry every night because of my stubbornness and temper. I’m not going to mention our adult stubbornness but there’s a lot of that too.

But the point of all of this is one word: sacrifice.

People don’t like that word today. That word conjures images of altars, dead animals, and a lot of suffering. People today have a romanticized view of life. They see a few celebrities living it up and they think that’s what life should be like. We see that in parenting as well. Who doesn’t want to become a glamour parent who looks hot, has money, wears the right things, and gets all the compliments? While there’s nothing wrong with any of these things, none of these have anything to do with being a great parent. If you have these, great. If you don’t, it’s just as great. What’s important is that we put our children first, by that I mean we put their well-being, their character formation, their education and development before our own needs and desires.

That’s tough! Which is also why they should be honored. But honor them for the right reasons don’t glamorize them.

When I look at examples of great mothers, they’re usually under-appreciated, but fulfilled. They understand the joys of sacrifice because they see it very differently from people like me who can be more selfish.

Sacrifice is not weakness. it takes more strength to say give me your load. It’s much easier to delegate child-raising to others.

It’s not stupidity, it takes wisdom to know that someday, all the bags, all the pampering, all the parties, all the society photos, all the vacations, all the workouts and fat lost, all the compliments in the world, will not come close to the fulfillment of building a family that loves each other. It’s a longer term investment, and it is difficult, but as any value-investor will tell you, you have to give it time.

All the successful people I know, in any field, made sacrifices to get to where they are. It makes complete sense to make the biggest sacrifices for the people we love most.

 

Reward
A few years ago, while attending Zach’s wedding, I remember him taking the microphone and begin honoring his mom. I had never heard him talk that way about her before, but on that day, the day his mom was giving him away, Zach went on and on about just how much he loved his mom and was grateful to her for all the sacrifices. All along, even during the times that seemed like he didn’t care, he was seeing his mom’s sacrifice and it was making its mark. I remember the way Tita Doris looked, and I don’t think she was wishing she spent more time at the salon or at the mall. I don’t think she regretted missing out on parties or never owning a Birkin. I don’t think she was complaining about not having more facials or a nicer house.

No. Not even close.

She was radiating. She had made the right investment. She knew that there’s only 24 hours in a day, she had to devote as much as she could to her family. She knew that there’s only so much energy, so she invested it in pickups and service. She knew there was a window of opportunity that closes little by little as a child grows, so she prioritized.  And at that moment, listening to Zach, we were all witnesses to the return on her investment : his love in loads. She was investing wisely all along.

My mom never became a self-made woman. She never really had her own money, and instead relied on my dad’s income which wasn’t always enough. She traded her career in writing to wipe asses and teach her sons not to say, “Son of a Bi***”. (That really must have hurt on hindsight.) I’m not too sure if my mom’s investment has paid off for her. I look at my own life and the patchwork of good, bad, and ugly decisions and wonder how things are going to work out. But someday, I know, people will call her blessed because there’s love, and  that’s what makes anything worth it.

Don’t overestimate the glamour. It’s not worth it.

Don’t underestimate the grind. It’s a lot of work.

Make the sacrifices. It will pay off.

Reap the love. It’s worth it.

Walk Me Down

Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” – Matthew 19:14

I was at the birthday dinner of my very good friend Roxanne Lee (check out her co-blog My Doolally), and was talking to another good friend, Carlos Antonio about his kids Bella and Hannah, two of the sweetest little ladies I’ve met. He was telling me about how he had a moment with his six year old daughter when she very innocently asked him if he would do her wedding because he’s a pastor, and Carlos said, “Yes, if you want me to.” Then she realized that would be a problem because he wouldn’t be able to walk her down the aisle if he was standing at the minister’s spot. Carlos, being the sensitive guy that he is, understandingly told her, “Bella, if you want me to officiate, I’ll officiate. If you want me to walk you, of course I’ll walk you. When you decide, just tell me what you want.” All of a sudden, Bella started running to him crying, hugged him tightly and said, “I want you to walk me down the aisle!” Carlos’ eyes were moistening as he recounted how they both embraced each other and cried together as he reassured her, “I would be honored walk you down the aisle.”

Girls are really different. I mean, who thinks of getting married at 6??? When I was six years old I had more important things on my mind, like saving the world from Cobra Commander for example. (If you don’t know what Cobra is click here.)

As I remember Carlo’s story about Bella, his daughter, I’m struck by the uniqueness of her concern. Many times, when I hear girls talk about their dream wedding, it’s about the gown (or the designer of the gown), the ring, it’s about the kind of place, about the color scheme, how many guests, and the many romantic touches we all love. Bella, six-year old Bella, even as she excitedly talked about her wedding that’s at least a decade from now, was thinking about her pastor and her father. I’m amazed at the depth of her maturity, that even when it came to her dream big day, she was thinking of the spiritual aspect as well as the relational.

What a reminder for me. What a reminder for us. Do we, in our dreams, ambitions, goals, and desires think of the spiritual and relational? Or are we looking at thing that makes us most proud and most insecure at the same time, the mirror, too much?

Walk me down this life, Father. Walk me to Your purpose, where there is unconditional love and fullness of joy.

Love Is As Love Does

I’ve been using the jetlag from my recent trip to accustom myself to new sleeping habits. I’m now in bed around 10-10:30pm and up by 5am. Since I’m not used to sleeping so much I’ve been finding myself up at 12am, going back to bed, then up again at 3, then back, or, like today, I just stayed up and read.

While reading earlier I came across a refreshing take on love by author Sherryl Paul. It’s not original. It is basically what the Bible teaches us love to be in 1 Corinthians 13, but it’s refreshing to read a more unselfish picture of love than the ones we are used to receiving.

She talks about the “delusion of love” propagated by mainstream media and how we’re chasing a feeling that is bound to fade. Instead she says:

“Love is action. Love is tolerance. Love is learning your partner’s love language and then expressing love in a way that he can receive. Love is giving. Love is receiving. Love is plodding through the slow eddies of a relationship without jumping ship into another’s churning rapids. Love is recognizing that it’s not your partner’s job to make you feel alive, fulfilled, or complete; that’s your job.”

She then follows this up with a classic from The Road Less Traveled:

“Love is as love does. Love is an act of will — namely, both an intention and an action. Will also implies choice. We do not have to love. We choose to love. By stating that it is when a couple falls out of love that they may begin to really love I am also implying that real love does not have its roots in a feeling of love. To the contrary, real love often occurs in a context in which the feeling of love is lacking, when we act lovingly despite the fact that we don’t feel loving.”

I was hit by the reminder that true love is most real when it is given despite the lack of romantic feeling and even despite pain. She has more to say on love and the need for a shift in our thinking. You can read it for yourself in the link I included above. I do want to highlight what she says about choosing a mate: find someone with the most underrated quality of character.

Character. Let’s look that word up and discover what it means, that we may recognize it when it’s there and know when it’s not, that we may teach our children to pursue good character and not passing feelings. Even further, let us draw near to God and discover His character. He loves in word and deed, and His perfect love casteth out fear. (1 John 4:18)

Ripen

My view of the world is changing. I think it comes with age, with exposure, and, hopefully, maturity. Many people go through life collecting memories and experiences but do not mature, meaning, their life lessons didn’t cause them to ripen to a delicious fruit for the glory of God and the blessing of their fellowman.

Rather, they have become spoiled.

I wrote about this in another article:

“Spoiled people are those who have become unfit to face realities and recognize the beauty of life.

A spoiled person will be unfit to contribute positively to society. Spoiled people will fail at being good fathers or mothers, they’ll make terrible partners, they will be selfish friends and relatives, and they won’t live fulfilled lives – all the while blaming someone or something else.

Being spoiled is not about having a lot of things; there are many wealthy people who aren’t spoiled and many poor people who are. It’s about the attitudes and mindsets we adopt that make us unfit to fulfill the purpose of God in our lives.”

The beautiful thing about being human is that we have a special kind of life. We do not merely exist. We have a soul and spirit. Unlike fruit, that is wasted when rotten, we can transcend the rottenness of our current situation; we can go beyond the limitations and the baggage we have collected. We can ripen into something sweet instead of rot towards bitterness.

How?

I believe everyone’s path is different but here’s what I like to remind myself:

Store my joys and remember my blessings that I may always be grateful. Strengthen my faith with the promises of His Word. And when I’m afraid, or lonely, or in pain, I simply say, “Father, I’m afraid. Please protect me. I’m lonely. Please keep me company. I’m in pain. Please comfort me. Help my experiences mature me, ripen me, to the person You want me to be.”

If there is anything my life has taught me, while there’s no one formula that fits all, there’s one God that does.

If You Want…

One of the questions people ask me quite often is “What is your type of woman?” I don’t know why anyone is interested. It’s not like I consider myself part of the proverbial “market”. But I guess we are like that. We like to make other people’s lives our business, even as areas of our own life need more attention.

I’ve had some time to think about my answer to this question that was initially triggered by questions on my formspring page, and then was spurred by recent events in my life and my dad’s continuous comments on how he wants grandchildren. As I typed thoughts on the plane ride to Tokyo, I remembered when my mom once told me to make a list of the kind of wife I wanted. I jokingly put things like “can cook”, “can clean the house well”, and “can change a flat tire”. Remembering that list, though funny, reveals the reality of the selfishness of my heart. Even as I was supposed to think about the wife I would love, I was really thinking more about me.

So I’m giving this question more time and will publish my personal thoughts on the topic as they come.

For starters I’d like to leave you with a paraphrased version of what Mark Driscoll, on one of his podcasts, said: “instead of dreaming up your ideal partner become that ideal partner”.

So here’s the reminder for us:

If you want to be loved unconditionally, love without conditions.
If you want to be trusted completely, entrust yourself completely.
If you want to be shown kindness, be kind to others.
If you want to be fought for, fight for something, or someone.
If you want to be generously blessed, bless others generously.
If you want to be forgiven, forgive.

Before We Grumble…

It’s been difficult to work. It’s been so hot. I was just walking to my car from the office and I was already sweating. My ungrateful heart was about to grumble when I noticed some people trying to catch a jeep. It reminded me of when my friend and I, while driving around Manila, saw a family with a little baby walking up an on-ramp just to catch a ride to who knows where. Very quickly my disdain for the heat was dwarfed by my disdain for my ungratefulness. I’m walking in the heat…

… But to a car. A car with airconditioning.

I jumped into my car and saw that my gas level had already dropped a lot, and again my grumbling started. Then I realized: I have gas. Most people in the world only have the gas in their stomach. I have gas. And I’ll be driving to a meeting because I have a job, which has been very stressful the past 5 years but at least I have one. Because I have some skills. Because I have hands. Because my hands are connected to my brain. Because my brain powers so many other functions, including my mind. Because I’m alive. Because I have a purpose. Because He has a plan for me.

I realized two things:

The first is, a grumbling heart will grumble no matter what. It will never be satisfied. Here I am grumbling about the heat. Somewhere else, someone is grumbling about the cold. Somewhere else, it’s the rain that’s ruining the day. Somewhere else it’s a typhoon. Somewhere else there’s a flood. Somewhere it’s too dark. Somewhere it’s too bright. Somewhere it’s too wet. Somewhere it’s too dry. Somewhere it’s too noisy. Somewhere it’s too quiet.

We’re masters at spotting what’s wrong and weak at embracing what’s right. That’s not a sign of sophisticated thinking. That’s a sign of how shallow our spirits and souls are.

The second is, many times we grumble about things but forget that these sometimes small sometimes big inconveniences were brought about by great blessings. We complain about the stress of our jobs, which allow us to afford our lives. We complain about the heat, which is one reason why we’re a great vacation destination. We complain about our lack, when it is in lack that we are taught contentment. We complain about others, forgetting that many times those “others” made the quality of our life possible without us even acknowledging it.

Before we grumble, let’s be grateful. Maybe, just maybe, we’ll realize, that the blessings, with all their added inconveniences, are worth being joyful for. Grumbling is the most obvious proof that we have taken our blessings for granted.

Back to Basics Sales & Marketing: Issho Genki Squalene Part 1

Have you ever tried forgetting something? You can’t. You cannot forget anything on purpose. The best you can do is to fill your head with other things so that the thing you want to forget naturally loses its significance. This also means that when people don’t remember our products or services, which we call our value propositions, it’s our responsibility to make an impact on our customers.

I experienced this first hand with my company Issho Genki, which produces and distributes the food supplement Squalene. I’ll be using examples from Issho Genki and the other companies and organizations I’ve been involved with to help make the lessons more concrete.Issho Genki used to be quite a successful company selling thousands of boxes of Squalene a month in the mid 1990s, but when it failed to make a successful transition from multilevel marketing to retail, it saw it sales drop drastically. What happened? Mismanagement is the overarching reason, the managers weren’t able to adapt. But let’s look closely at the sales and marketing factors to see what caused the drop in boxes sold.

Read more…

Drops In A Bucket

I received this question on formspring: Are you aware of the KONY 2012 movement?

A simple question that has led to a long answer. Haha! Here it is:

Yes. I saw the video and read a little about Kony the person. It’s a good sign. I think more people should get involved in social advocacies and serving others BUT I think this should be done responsively and strategically, not just emotionally and impulsively. What the Kony Movement shows is that people DO want to get involved in something bigger than themselves that helps others.

This is a good thing.

It’s a good thing we can practice every day of our lives by showing radical kindness to others, starting with our own families, friends, employees, and neighbors, and serving one another. If “likes”, Facebook and Twitter shares, and a moving video can create so much support for addressing an issue in a region of a continent most of us have never been to, how much larger will the impact be when actions of love are exhibited by us daily in our own homes and communities. It’s easy to “like” and share a video. It’s hard to go to Smokey Mountain or Payatas and tangibly show love to these people daily. It’s even harder to forgive and serve our own families daily. It’s easier to say “I am against armies of children” than it is to say “Yes dad, yes mom, I’ll serve.” I’ve seen this in my own life very often. I’ll excitedly go to a community to help build homes but be hassled and complain about having to pick up my parents at the airport.

“Um… David, children killing each other with guns is way more serious than giving your parents a ride.”

You’re right. But what’s more serious an army of children or the child trafficking in our own country? I actually don’t know. Emotionally, I’ll say child trafficking is more serious but to the people in Central Africa, the fighting there is more serious. The point is, we really can’t tell what’s more serious.

But this we know: At the heart of society’s issues is our personal selfishness. It’s the attitude that “I” am more important than others. That my feelings, thoughts, methods, interests, and needs are more important than those of others. If you read more about Kony and the LRA (his army), you’ll find that he actually thinks he’s doing the right thing and that they are a very religious group. They are so convinced in the superiority of their beliefs that they act superiorly over others – which includes killing others.

If we really want to serve society, we need to show the same passion and unity in facing the selfishness in our hearts, and we do that by putting those around us first, whether that means willing to skip massive economic gain to be a good father, or giving up “me time” for “you time” again and again, building someone’s home, buying someone groceries, babysitting for free, serving in church, serving at home, being inconvenienced by picking up the garbage of others, forgiving one another, saying sorry to one another, in short loving one another.

This is difficult. I have failed at this in every single day of my life so far. But I personally can feel an improvement, which, for me, happens when I am made aware of three things:

1. My own personal spiritual and moral poverty
2. God’s overwhelming love for me despite my poverty
3. That there is an overflow of love for me to share

I hope you don’t feel that I sent you a flood when you asked such a simple question. As I thought about your question, I realized there’s a deeper principle we can explore.

By the way I “liked” the video. It’s a drop in an amazingly huge bucket. Let’s start pouring the drops of our lives in the buckets of our own homes and the lives of the people we say we love.

Love Through Attentiveness

I wrote this maybe 2 or 3 years ago. I wrote it while going through another of the seemingly never-ending challenges that come with running a business. There was probably not a day when I didn’t question whether I was in the right business. There was not a day when I didn’t question whether I was doing the right thing. I doubted my ideas. I doubted my decisions. I doubted myself. But I picked-up on a word while reading this nugget of wisdom:

Lazy hands make a man poor, but the hands of the diligent bring wealth. – Proverbs 10:4

That word was DILIGENCE.

No business, in fact no talent, no opportunity, no relationship, no artwork, or effort, nothing, can succeed to great heights without diligence. Diligence is “Persistent and hard-working effort in doing something” and to be diligent means to be someone “Showing persistent and hard-working effort in doing something”.

Today we understand the word diligence to mean hard work, but when you trace the etymology of the word diligence we hit the words diligentia and diligentem, which connotes attentiveness and carefulness, and another word “diligere” which means to value highly or to love.

Here we find an incredible definition for the word diligence: Love through attentiveness.

Start From Where You Are. Start With What You Have.

People have a lot of different excuses for why they can’t do something. For some, the reason is financial. “I don’t have the capital” or “I have a family to support” or “I can’t afford it right now” are some of the statements people in this category say.

For others, the reason is the risk and difficulty. “What if it doesn’t work?” or “It’s too hard” or “This requires too much of me” are their statements.

And others, it’s complacency. “Why rock the boat?” or “Why keep pushing to get better? Aren’t we ok already?” or “I’m too tired” are the given arguments.

I’m sure there are other reasons. There is a perfect excuse for everything we don’t want to do. You can read more about what I have to say on excuses on my article.

But for those of you who don’t want to live in a world of excuses, here are two simple thoughts to help you get started:

1. Start from where you are
2. Start with what you have

Read full article.

Commitments & Choices

Success doesn’t come easy. It comes with sacrifice, hard work, lesson after painful and embarrassing lesson, and it comes with perseverance and faith. Earlier, we discussed commitments and choices in our Issho Genki staff meeting. Commitment is a scary word for me, simply because responsibility is always attached to it. Everyone has different commitments and everyone is free to choose as they please provided that it is within confines of the law. But just because we’re free to make our decisions, doesn’t mean that all our decisions will lead to profitable conclusions. So whatever your you select here are some reminders:

1. Commit Wholeheartedly to that which you choose – commitment means you’re responsible to see things through.
- Commit to your vision, to that picture of something greater.
- Commit to your values, the things that are most important to you.
- Commit to your goals, to the “win” targets you’re aiming for.

2.Choose Daily to forward your commitments.
- Choose daily to picture your success. Remind yourself of your vision every day.
- Choose to embrace what’s important. This includes not holding on to non-essentials.
- Choose to win daily in every task. Be excellent in everything, including small and redundant tasks. Understand that success is incremental and our efforts compounding.

What you choose to pursue is up to you. Don’t let someone else make that decision for you. Seek God and seek counsel, but you make the choice. Whatever you do select, commit to it and choose daily to take the steps that bring your closer to what you value.

Blessings Realized

“A single grateful heart can withstand a thousand trials.”

“Away from the sight of thy face my heart knows no rest nor respite,
and my work becomes an endless toil in a shoreless sea of toil.”
- From A Moments Indulgence by Rabindranath Tagore

“And the river bank talks of the waters of March
It’s the promise of life, it’s the joy in your heart”
- Waters of March by Antonio Carlos Jobim

Today was beautiful. Come to think of it, every day can be depending on what we choose to highlight. I think for the most part I’ve been able to emulate my mom’s uncanny ability to see beautiful things in anything and everything, but I have to admit that it clashes head on with my critical harshness. It’s just another example of how the pride in my life is very capable of depriving me of beautiful blessings just waiting to be appreciated.

My parents taught my brothers and I, that if you want to correct an attitude, you have to operate in the opposite spirit. So if you want to correct greed, be generous. If you want to correct being mean, show kindness. If you’re grumbling and ungrateful, list down your blessings. If you feel lonely, comfort someone. If you’re scared, be a source of courage. It’s similar to what I was saying in the post Propositions. In other words, do what’s uncomfortably right. This isn’t easy at all. Like anyone, it’s more natural to me to defend my greed, grumbling, fear, and self-pity, than it is to be humble and subordinate my feelings. Being humble is not natural to me. Not even a little. Not at all actually.

I have a long way to go…

Anyway, today, I took time out to do nothing but sit still and pray, and when I couldn’t do that, because sitting still is very very difficult for me when I’m not working on something, I decided to go for a walk and continue praying. I can’t begin to tell you how important Jesus is to me, not because I’m this holy guy, nothing can be further from reality, but because my poverty is too deep not to realize. But as I walked through the relatively empty streets of Fort Bonifacio, I remembered the song Waters of March by Antonio Carlos Jobim.

A stick.
A stone.
It’s the end of the road.

You might know the song. It’s very famous. But not a lot know that the inspiration behind the song, the actual “waters” of March, are the storms and heavy rains that fall on Rio de Janiero, in March, that cause serious flooding throughout the city. It’s another example of the power perspective and highlighting. Here’s a song about storms, but what we remember, what is highlighted is “the promise of life” and “the joy in your heart”.

How many unrealized blessings have gone wasted in my blindness?
How many waiting fortunes missed?
How many daily gifts stay unopened, because it didn’t come wrapped as expected?
How much has my pride, and fear, and hurt deprived me?
How little has my faith unlocked?

Probably a lot. I’m just grateful that I realized my blessings today, even more, I’m grateful that there’s tomorrow, because His mercies are new every morning. A single grateful heart can withstand a thousand trials.

Propositions

Here’s another long one. Happy New Year! May you all have a blessed 2012.

The unthankful heart… discovers no mercies; but let the thankful heart sweep through the day and, as the magnet finds the iron, so it will find, in every hour, some heavenly blessings! – Henry Ward Beecher

“For each new morning with its light,For rest and shelter of the night,For health and food, for love and friends,For everything Thy goodness sends.”- Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

Sailing Into the New Year
The night was bright with fireworks sparkling like twinkling stars. The build up towards the New Year had begun. Standing on the helipad atop 50+ stories of the Pacific Plaza South Tower, I could see a 360° view of Manila’s celebrations. Everywhere I looked, the excitement for something new, maybe a new start, maybe a new phase, maybe a new promise was evident.

I was excited too. I still am.

Up on the helipad was an older Australian woman who asked, “Who of you was born on the year of the rat?” I told her I was but didn’t know much about it. “This is going to be a great year for you!” I told her that I wasn’t superstitious, that my belief is that your year is either great or terrible depending on what you choose to highlight in your life and what you choose to remember. I choose to remind myself of my Father’s goodness.

It’s true.

The grateful will always feel blessed. They don’t have to try. The ungrateful or forgetful will always pity their situation. They, also, don’t have to try. Just earlier I was feeling that self-pity coming over me and I decided to stop, to pray and list down the many many things I’m grateful for. That’s the only way to win that fight: to remember and be grateful to God, for every big and small thing, even the painful things, and to never take anything for granted. Taking something for granted is like when we have something really special or important but we fail to notice it, or worse don’t treat it as special. In relationships, taking people for granted is not appreciating what they are there for, or have to offer, or can do, thinking they will always be around.

They won’t.

Relationships are not fixed points. We are like boats on the sea, either sailing together on the same direction or drifting apart.

Life Offering
A proposition is something brought forth. It is an offering. Every day we have the privilege to bring forth our lives and bring our Creator glory by offering the best of our lives. I said it was a privilege because it is. To be alive is a privilege, and the only thing necessary to enjoy this privilege is to realize just how valuable your life is, and that there are people, whether you or they realize, needing and waiting for your life’s value proposition.

Our Life’s Value Proposition is something about our life that helps meet the needs of others, especially the needs of those we’ve chosen to love. And love is a choice. When we choose to love someone, we choose to offer to him or her the best of us.

Where do we start? We start where we already are.

Are you intelligent? Then enlighten our darkened minds.
Can you sing? Then soothe our restless soul.
Can you paint or sculpt or perform? Then inspire us with the message of your work.
Are you a father or a mother? Then introduce to the world a new generation of selfless stewards.
Are you a son, a daughter, or a lover? Then never stop showing your appreciation.
Are you rich? Then deal generously with us.
Are you lonely? Then welcome the isolated among us.
Are you a leader? Then show us the way through service.
Are you mature? Then be patient with us.
Do you eat too much? Then start feeding us.
Are you lonely? Then welcome the isolated among us.
Are you strong? Then protect us.
Do you like to cry? Then start crying for our dying.
Are you poor? Then show us how to endure in hope.
Are you sensitive? Then show us kindness.
Are you impatient? Then be impatient with corruption.
Are you hurting? Then empathize with our pain.
Are you dying? Then remind us, the living, to embrace life.

Whoever you are, wherever you’re coming from, you’re in a position to start offering your Life’s Value Proposition. Look past yourself. Look up at your Father with gratefulness, He has blessed you so. Look out to the world with purpose; you have a role only you can fill. Your life’s offering is unique because there’s no one like you. If you don’t offer the best of you, then people won’t enjoy the best, or worse, they’ll suffer your worst.

Bon Voyage
Last year, I literally sailed into the New Year. I’m not on a boat this time but the wind is blowing me in a new direction, and as it does I write this to encourage us that 2012 will be our best year yet, as we not only achieve our own dreams, but through the propositions of our lives we will help others achieve theirs.

Wherever you’re sailing to, whether shaken in a storm or enjoying auspicious skies, I wish you a good journey. Don’t quit when it’s hard. Don’t settle when it’s easy. Don’t take the still calm for granted nor curse the storm. Be grateful that you’re here and always remember: “you can never go wrong with the priceless things. They’ll always be a steal.”

Passing the Other Side

I was reading on the Good Samaritan, and as I read other versions, I came across this paragraph on Wikipedia:

Priests and Levites
In Jesus’ culture, contact with a dead body was understood to defile one. Priests were particularly enjoined to avoid uncleanness. The priest and Levite may therefore have assumed that the fallen traveler was dead and avoided him to keep themselves ritually clean. On the other hand, the depiction of travel downhill (from Jerusalem to Jericho) may indicate that their temple duties had already been completed, making this explanation less likely, although this is disputed. Since the Mishnah made an exception for neglected corpses, the priest and the Levite could have used the law to justify both touching a corpse and ignoring it. In any case, passing by on the other side avoided checking “whether he was dead or alive.” Indeed, “it weighed more with them that he might be dead and defiling to the touch of those whose business was with holy things than that he might be alive and in need of care.”

That last sentence keeps ringing in my mind.

“It weighed more with them…”

It weighed more to stay ritually clean. It weighed more to stay culturally right – which wasn’t a bad culture, they were priests and Levites. It weighed more that they stayed safe. It weighed more that they weren’t inconvenienced or threatened. All of these, the rituals, rules, roles, hassle and danger, weighed more than the person.

May I be like the unsafe, unclean, and culturally-rejected Samaritan that pleases my Lord.

Aren’t Teachers More Valuable Than Entertainers?

I was reminded of this image from Korn’s album Follow the Leader when writing this post.

Last September 20, 2011, I had the privilege of addressing the students of UST’s College of Commerce and Business Administration on their 78th anniversary. It was definitely an honor to share with them my humble thoughts on value and living a life of value. I’ll be the first to admit that I am immensely incomplete in my experience and knowledge, and that none of my thoughts are original. They are all bricks upon the bricks that others have built on foundation others have laid. All I am is a curious and grateful soul, and it is from this attitude that I share my thoughts.

The title of my talk was These 3 Remain, taking from the very popular chapter 13 of 1 Corinthians that refers to Faith, Hope, and Love. I won’t be expounding on my talk on this post but you may view the slides here.

What I would like to talk about is one of the questions thrown at me from what had turned out to be an hour long question and answer portion at the end. I again have to my limitation, as I was very tired from only about two hours of sleep, and the questions from the students and teachers really made me think. It was a like an intellectual firing squad, but that’s the way an open forum is supposed to be. But within this exchange was this question, and I’m paraphrasing here:

That whole values talk is nice to hear and inspiring, but if people naturally are attracted to things of value, how do you explain why entertainers make more money than teachers? Aren’t teachers more valuable than entertainers?

My thoughts to follow. What are your thoughts?

Business Dashboard: Day 2 Schedule

Day 2 (November 22, 2011) is all about Customer Segments and how this portion relates with Day 1′s topic on Value Proposition. These two components are deeply connected because you can’t meet a need or desire without knowing who those needs and/or desires belong to.

6:00 – 6:15 – Introduction
6:15 – 6:30 – Business Dashboard Elements Reviewed
6:30 – 7:00 – Customer Segments
- For whom are we creating value for?
- Who are our most important customers?
- Types of customer segments?
7:00 – 8:00 – Relationship Between Customer Segments and Value Proposition
- Innovation in Customer Segments
- The Profitable Customer
- The Loyal Customer
8:00 – 8:30 – Business Case Study
8:30 – 9:00 – Q&A

Business Dashboard: Day 1 Schedule

Developing a business plan can be messy which is one reason why I prefer dashboards. For those of you who have signed-up for my upcoming Business Dashboard Workshop here’s the agenda for Day 1 (November 15, 2011).

6:00 – 6:15 – Introduction
6:15 – 6:30 – The importance of having a Business Dashboard: Create, Deliver and Capture Value
6:30 – 7:00 – Elements of a Business Dashboard Explained
7:00 – 7:30 – Value Proposition & Customer Segments Overview
7:30 – 8:00 – Value Proposition: Meeting Needs & Desires / Competitive Advantage & Hedgehog Principle / Innovate to Differentiate
8:00 – 8:30 – Business Case Study
8:30 – 9:00 – Q&A

(More on Customer Segments on Day 2)

I’m sorry if I’m trying to pack in so much information. I really want this workshop to be something that will really impact your business. These are things I practice in my own businesses and teach my staff. They’re simple and practical, which work best for me since I don’t like to complicate things.

Looking forward to working with you to develop your dashboards and discuss your businesses with you. If you’d like to know more about what I’ll be teaching, please watch the following video:

A Pottery Lesson

A few months ago, I attended Mia’s exhibit. She, along with other potters, was displaying her latest work. I remember seeing the variety and, being the curious cat that I am, started asking the artists the whats, whys, and hows of their work. After listening to them, I started being able to recognize the specific nuances of each artist. They didn’t have to try to show that a certain piece was theirs – you just had to look at it and you would know that it was from the same set of hands and the same soul.

Coming home from that exhibit and remembering the conversations with Mia, I thought about the creation story in Genesis. I remember first hearing the story of man’s creation as a child, and I remember imagining God’s hands reaching down into the ground, scooping up some dirt, and expertly forming man in His image. I would imagine God look into a mirror then at His creation and make the necessary adjustments.

Then the LORD God formed a man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being. – Genesis 2:7

Of course God probably never had to look at a mirror. He’s God after all. But the point of the story is clear: He wanted us to be just like Him.

I guess the reason He wants us to be like Him is because the Bible says that He is love and to be like Him is to love, and God wanted someone to be in love with. I’m not a theologian or a Bible expert. I’m actually not very good at doing many of the things it says. I’m learning though, admittedly very slowly, because I’m learning to love. And somehow I feel that He’s taking my dirt and forming art with the same loving hands and the same loving soul.

Mia Casal: Art from Dirt

Please don’t take this as an endorsement. This is simply a showcase of friends and their professions. Full Disclaimer here.

My friend, Mia Casal, is a potter. I want to talk more about the process by which we came about her Value Proposition since it may give you ideas on how to work on yours. I like patronizing the work of people who really love their craft. You just know they’re going to keep working on it and keep getting better. I have since scheduled a pottery class as our team building activity for Issho Genki and ordered a special tea set for 10. Why 10? For my folks, my brothers and their partners, and me and my future partner.

Think ahead. Always think ahead.

Anyway…

I first met Mia with a group of friends from New York but our interaction really started when I told her I’d help her organize herself into a business. Now a business doesn’t have to be formal or big right away. It can start small. But it has to be deliberately managed and grown to meet the goals set. I find many people wanting to start a business without even knowing WHY they want to, and usually, the answer is: money. Money isn’t a bad thing in itself but it is an empty goal. Financial freedom and independence are better goals, and to deliver value to others in your chosen field is even better.

Isn’t that the same thing?

No.

Doing business to make more money means that the more money you make the better no matter what it costs. Doing business to be financially free means the more freedom you enjoy the better, of course that means making more money, but it also means learning contentment and being grateful. It’s a small difference in outlook that produces a totally different lifestyle. Delivering value means that the priority is to offer something that really meets the needs and/or desires of people and working on getting people to appreciate that.

From my conversations with Mia, I realized that she’s really an artist, which includes all the crazy ideas artists have. She’s definitely crazy about her craft, which is a good sign. I like working with people who are nuts. It just shows you they’re in love. Have you seen anyone in love who wasn’t nuts?

The challenge many artists have, especially the purists, is how to make money on what they do. They know they need the money, but the last thing they want to do is to peddle.

But arts and crafts can make money for the artist. Remember that money is simply a container of value that can be exchanged for other things of value. Art, when done well and presented appropriately, is actually a container of value itself that people may be willing to trade money for.

So Mia and I had to work on refining her value proposition in a way that would convey the value of her pottery.

Here are a few things that came out from the exercise:
1. Her pieces are special and handcrafted – not mass-produced, so all her pieces, even the ones from the same set, are never completely alike because they’re handcrafted.
2. Her materials, time, and labor costs are high since the pieces are individually made.
3. Part of sharing her love for pottery was not just about selling pieces but also introducing people to the activity of pottery itself by teaching.

It’s very important when conceptualizing your value proposition that you factor in who you or your organization is. By this I mean factoring your passions, your capabilities, your limitations, and your goals. Many times we unrealistically conceptualize what we want without taking into account how we are going to bring about. It’s important to think this through as you work on your value proposition, and see how you can achieve your goals. If your goal is to make something of quality don’t sell-out to make money initially. If you must make a small compromise to survive, limit it to a minimum, but beware you may have a difficult time reversing the effects of this.

Your target market or customer segments should also be taken into consideration. Because of who Mia is, because of her passions, capabilities, limitations, and goals, the direction of her value proposition is really towards that of an artist, and more and more, that of a teacher. Value propositions are customer segment specific, not everyone will like what you have to offer. (Case in point: my hair.) But by knowing who exactly you’re offering your value proposition to you are able to refine the communication, the delivery, and the actual proposition.

Is Mia’s path the most economically feasible? Only time will tell. But at the very least it achieves some of her goals, which is to create wonderful works of art from dirt and share her love of pottery. We won’t be able to achieve all our goals right away. And like I said earlier, money is ultimately an empty goal. It’s important, but empty on its own.

Success is not instant; it’s not a straight line, or a sure thing. It’s the product of a different process for everyone. I guess it’s like pottery that way; there are principles and techniques but not two pieces are ever the same.

Unless of course you’re mass-produced. But those are cheap.

If you’d like to know more about Value Propositions and my Business Dashboard class please email Jenny Yrasuegui at jenyrasuegui@gmail.com.

Business Dashboard

I remember my first day at the Issho Genki office, I was 23 years old, excited, scared, and clueless. Of course clueless sometimes helps. When you’re clueless you don’t realize that taking over a company mired in debt with very little cash is career suicide. Or was it? Sure it was difficult, sure it was stressful, and sure it took time but it wasn’t suicide after all. It was more like a rebirth.

I’m convinced that, just like my business, many businesses need some sort of rebirthing or restructuring or remodelling or even a re-imagining. It probably is nothing drastic, sometimes it’s just one tweak that leads to incredible returns. Whether it’s a tiny adjustment or an overhaul we need an instrument that will help us effectively monitor, evaluate, and adjust our businesses depending on the situation.

This is where a dashboard comes in. A dashboard, just like the one we find in cars, is a tool that helps us monitor and regulate how we drive, in this case, how we drive our businesses. Here are some thoughts on dashboards:

A dashboard doesn’t have to be complex, in fact, it shouldn’t be. It should just contain the essentials. You can always go deeper if you want to but at the very least the basics are covered.

A dashboard’s elements should be easily identifiable and easy to recognize. The whole point of having a dashboard is to monitor and adjust. Many times when our metrics are too complicated we get lost in them rather than use them.

A dashboard should be visual. There’s just something about being able to see things. Our businesses cannot remain in the abstract and conceptual it has to be executed at some point, so having a visual guide helps.

A dashboard is dynamic. This is what makes a dashboard different from a road map. A road map is set with fixed points. A dashboard is changing and adapting to the current situation.

A few years later since that scary first day at Issho Genki, after so many mistakes and miracles, I have started 2 more businesses (Natural Healh+ and SOLUSYO), and have helped coach others with their own careers, startups, and distressed businesses. It’s my small way of giving back the kindness my own mentors have shown me and helping others avoid the mistakes I made.

Since more and more people have been asking for it, we have decided to make it available as a class at the Modern Academy in Fort Bonifacio starting next month. We have limited slots and a few are reserved already so be sure to get a spot early.

Looking forward to discussing your business with you. If you’d like to reserve a slot or want more details please email Jenny Yrasuegui (pronounced “eerasuwegi”) at jenyrasuegui@gmail.com.

What Does Value Proposition Mean?

The motivation behind this section of my blog is to help people, in my own little way, with their careers and businesses by sharing the little that I know and the simple lessons I have learned from my humble experiences as a young businessman.

I don’t write this from the perspective of a financially successful person, I don’t have millions to show. Neither do I write this from the position of a knowledgeable academic, I have one degree and I can’t even remember most of the names of my teachers and classmates. I write this as a small businessman who fights the same battles many other ordinary people face daily. I know what it means to have almost no money for payroll. I know what it means to take no salary for what seems like forever. I know what it means to read finance and leadership books and realize you’re the total opposite of who you should be. And I share your hopes that someday our initiatives will breakthrough as we pray, believe, persevere, learn, and grow.

In the meantime, I pray, believe, persevere, learn, and grow – and share.

Someday, I’ll be dying, and ultimately dead, but on my death bed, I want to be able to look back, not at a perfect life, it’s way way way too late for that now, but at a life that valued my Father (that’s worship by the way: worth (value) – ship) and brought real value to the lives of others by helping them meet their legitimate needs and desires legitimately. (This is very different from being a needy leech or meeting people’s illegitimate wants.)

This purpose of meeting needs and fulfilling desires is at the core of the Value Proposition concept. A Value Proposition is simply a product or service you or your organization offers that meets the needs and/or desires of  your target customer in a way that allows them to appreciate its worth.

Let’s break this definition down to fully grasp it. If you’d like actual examples from my companies just email me at davidmichaelbonifacio@gmail.com

A Product or a Service Offered
There has to be something that you or your organization brings to the table for an exchange to happen. Business, and really most if not all of life, is about exchanging value. So before there can be an exchange, there has to be things to exchange which are either products or services. For example, a worker exchanges the service of his labor for a financial product: money, which he can then exchange for another company’s product or service, or even the product or service of another person such as a baby-sitter. Even non-profits work this way, even if many times we don’t realize this. We donate or support a foundation by giving our time (service) or money (product) for either the fulfillment of a cause we believe in or to help us meet a social need (both are services).

That Meets a Need and/or Desire
Many times, especially with small businesspeople, we fall into the opportunity trap. We see a product, discover its financial potential, and allow this financial potential to be the paradigm of our endeavor. But everything looks good on paper and even the simplest plan is immensely much more difficult in execution. With the number of products and services out there, and the limited spending power of people, businesses more than ever have to really be honest with their offerings and go back to the basic question: What need or desire are we meeting? Are we even meeting a need or desire? Answering the need or desire question regularly and honestly helps put us on track to refining our Value Proposition.

Of a Target Customer
You can’t please everyone. You can’t even please your spouse or partner or kids or friends or whoever all the time, and they’re supposed to be on your side already. What more the full range of customers available? Instead, focus your offering on a target. What’s the right target? It’s different per case. Sometimes we find them accidentally. But here are some guide questions?

- Who needs my product or service most?
- Who wants my product or service most?
- Who can I serve the best?
- Who can pay for my product or service?
- Who is willing to pay for my product or service?
- Who do I want to offer my product or service to?
- Who can I realistically deliver my product or service to well?

Start with these questions and refine your customer segments as you go along.

In a Way that Allows Them to Appreciate Its Worth
This is critical, because this is where we think about our edge, our competitive advantage, our differentiator. You may think that your product or service is a winner but if people don’t buy then it just means they don’t appreciate the value you’re offering. And that could mean a lot of different weaknesses such as price, product, packaging, promotions, place, or even economic conditions or timing. So you have to look into all of these things. I enjoy sitting with people and working this part out with them because it’s a lot of fun and it’s nice to see people use their brain. I’m always amazed at just how creative and smart people can get when someone pushes them harder than they’re used to.

Place a lot of energy and effort into this part of your value proposition. Look around you and at the products and services you consume. What makes Evian different from Absolut? Why do they both sell? Who do they sell to? What about Coffee Bean and Starbucks? Aren’t they both coffee? How can their be so many soap brands? What will make me stand out in my office if everyone here says that they’re proficient with MS Office on their resume? You have to figure this out, and you have to be able to present it in a way people can appreciate. If not? They won’t buy.

Now some of you are probably already doing many of these things, some of you are probably doing them intuitively. The bottom lime is offer something of value.

If you’d like to know more about Value Propositions and my Business Dashboard class please email Jenny Yrasuegui at jenyrasuegui@gmail.com.

JB Dela Cruz: The Inspiring Magician

Please don’t take this as an endorsement. This is simply a showcase of friends and their professions. Full Disclaimer here.

I met JB through my dad a few years ago and he’s since become a good friend. I like people like JB, assertive, hard working, never-settling, admits when he makes mistakes, corrects them, and shows his love for God and for others through his actions. I especially like listening to his life story and his many experiences growing up and maturing.

Last year, he came to me and others, including one of my mentors and also from PLDT, Butch Jimenez, asking for career advice. He had a great job at PLDT, one the Philippines’ biggest and most profitable corporations, but he wanted to pursue his other passions, mainly his love for Magic – and he’s an incredible magician. He had already been doing shows on the side (including many free ones for foundations), but his bookings for corporate events was rising and taking more and more of his time.

In short, JB was facing what many would-be entrepreneurs face: the “should I risk this?” moment. It’s the moment when you have to choose between the safety of the status-quo and the risky possibility of something greater. I don’t always encourage people to leave their jobs, but I knew JB would do well. Here’s why:

1. He had a very clear value proposition: inspirational corporate magic.
2. He had experience in delivering this value proposition. He was already doing this on the side.
3. He’s a hard worker and willing to do what it takes, whatever that may be.

I especially like what my 36 year old friend told me, “My potential is God’s gift to me. What I do with my potential is my gift to Him.” So after 20 years of doing corporate work, JB decided to make magic his fulltime job, and corporate consulting his sideline. He took a leap of faith after counseling with people he trusted.

“I’m motivated by my goal to be who God wants me to be. He gave me this passion and I want to maximize it.”

It’s nearly a year now, and I don’t see JB as much. Every time I call him he has a show! I’m still waiting for him to treat me to some expensive dinner. I do see him, along with another entrepreneur I’ll be featuring here, Harvard Uy Debaron, at the monthly U! Happy Events, which Harvard founded. JB serves on the board. But I’m so happy that the shows are coming in. He even guests on TV now!

Someday, I know he’ll be famous, even more famous than he is now. And I’m glad it’s not because he poses nude or looks like a pretty boy. (Which I doubt anyone would pay him for anyway. Haha!) Seriously, I’m happy to see people recognized for bringing value to the lives of others, and JB brings that with his inspirational magic which he aptly calls: Inspire Magic.

“I want to inspire magic in the lives of people that they may inspire magic in the lives of others.”

I asked JB, “If you could only give 3 pieces of advice to a budding entrepreneur what would they be?
1. Know your dreams. Search your passions and decide on what you will pursue.
2. Know your personal assets and liabilities of your life currently. Know what you don’t have and grow with what you have.
3. Plan your steps well and JUST DO IT!

Visit his Facebook Page.

If you’d like to know more about Value Propositions and my Business Dashboard class please email Jenny Yrasuegui (pronounced “eerasuwegi”) at jenyrasuegui@gmail.com.

Value Propositions

I’m adding a new section to my blog called Value Propositions. I’ll be sharing with you stories of different people and the products or services they offer. I’ve realized that sometimes all we need is the story of someone else, someone else as ordinary as us, who is achieving extraordinary things, to make us get up and do something with our life. This is not necessarily a list of successful people (though many of them have done really really well), it’s more a showcase of real people, doing real work, and in an attempt to deliver real value. Now time will tell whether they’ll always be this way. Things can change.

Also, please don’t take this as an endorsement. Again, I’m just showcasing different people and the different things they do. Hire and engage them at your risk. I’ve encountered too many con-men posing as nice and holy people that I had to put this disclaimer. Haha!

Having said that I have interacted with these people and have benefited from our exchanges.

Nevertheless, I will be adding this disclaimer to every post.

If you’d like to know more about Value Propositions and my Business Dashboard class please email Jenny Yrasuegui (pronounced “eerasuwegi”) at jenyrasuegui@gmail.com.

It’s About Whatever It Takes

I’m having a late dinner as I type this at my favorite Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf, the one with the best view of Burgos Circle in Fort Bonifacio. I don’t know how many stories, or talks, or blog posts I’ve written while eating one of the three relatively cheap meals I rotate here.

Tonight, I have decided to write, finish, and post the last part of my 5-part series on relationships. This is the nth time I’m attempting to write this, and my laptop contains more than a few unfinished versions. In reality, each of the last 4 parts have been difficult for me to write. They’ve been hard because I’m talking about an area that is not exactly a strength of mine. I haven’t always valued people, I haven’t always chosen right, many times I get the wrong message across, and I do fall into minimum requirements and entitlements. So writing this, thinking through my position on relationships, has really been an exercise for myself more than it is a how-to guide for perfect relationships. So again here’s my disclaimer:

I am NOT an expert on this. Not even close. As I share this, I don’t share the thoughts of a wise man, but those of a simple person learning through prayer, observance, study, and mistake after mistake. It’s important to me that my readers don’t ever think I’m this super great guy or a role model. Life has enough pressure on it’s own, if my thoughts can help then great, but I don’t need nor want unrealistic expectations of this good guy that’s very far from who I really am. What I am, who I am, is a guy who wakes up early, works hard, makes mistakes, says sorry, fixes things, makes more mistakes, and more, and learns sometimes, but the whole way never giving up and always running to God over and over and over again because He never gives up on me.

And this is the best point to jump into Part 5: It’s About Whatever It Takes, because that’s God’s way with us. To some, He has met us in our youth, to others later in life. Sometimes He speaks to us through a book, sometimes we hear Him in a song, or find Him in a moment both dark and amazing, and even sometimes through someone else. But whoever we are, whatever way to reach us, whatever language we understand, or whatever circumstance He has to place us in, or people to surround us with, for as long as is needed, He, our Father, does whatever it takes to reach out to us to show us His love so that we can enjoy a relationship with Him.

In our relationships, are we doing whatever it takes?

Whatever it takes to what?

Are we doing whatever it takes to show them that they’re most valuable, that we chose them and choose them daily, that we’re excited about the unlimited possibilities, and that no matter what happens we’ll find a way, or make one, to show them that we love them.

And let me make it clear that the goal is to love them NOT be with them. Sometimes it seems that we do whatever it takes to stay in a relationship but don’t put enough effort to love. Relationship is the form but love is what powers that form.

Aren’t they the same thing.

No.

Being in a relationship means being with someone. It may mean having a friend, or a husband, or wife, or mutual understanding, or one of those crazy other terms that dont make sense to me. Loving someone means being patient, kind, not envying, not boasting, humbling ourselves, not being rude, not seeking our own ends, not being easily angered, it’s rejoicing in the truth, always protecting, always trusting, always hoping, and always persevering.

Sometimes, maybe even many times, we find ourselves in relationships that have gone dry and we’re wondering what’s missing. We feel unfulfilled in the relationship so we wonder whether it’s us or them, whether we did something wrong, or where we went wrong, what can we do to fix things, or compare notes with talk shows, websites, and “experts”. Some people will advice finding similar interests or hobbies, getting makeovers, taking a vacation, or buying new stuff, and these aren’t bad, but they’re shallow and cheap, and won’t fill that high-standard hunger in every human being to be truly loved.

My opinion, and that’s all this is, a humble opinion from a non-expert with a track record of mistakes, both of you should DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO LOVE. It’s not about having a certain number of hours together, or having me time or her time or alone time, or our media-planted romantic gestures, or remembering birthdays, or buying expensive things, but about doing whatever it takes.

And if it includes all the above, then it includes all of the above.

So value the right things, value the right person, and choose well depending on who you and what you value because when you’ve chosen you have to do whatever it takes to love them.

That’s a lot of work.

That’s probably why I prefer the office.

But if you value the right things and have chosen well, you don’t need to worry, because, as I’ve said in the past, you can never go wrong with the priceless things will always be great no matter how expensive they are. They’ll always be a steal.

To read the other 4:
1. It’s About What’s Most Important?
2. It’s Not About What You Think You Deserve. It’s About Who You Choose
3. It’s About What You Got Across Not What You Think You Said or Did
4. It’s About Infinite Possibilities Not Minimum Requirements

The 5 Faces of Victory

This month has been very challenging for me, well, come to think of it, the last 4 years has been. It’s not easy taking over a company with high liabilities, high operating expenses, a single dwindling revenue stream, and with very very little cash to work with.

But it’s been good. It’s taught me a lot. It’s been such a remarkable experience. Most of all, it’s been miraculous.

I feel like an old 27 year old but I know there’s still so much to learn, more dues to be paid, and more moments to experience.

I’m sure many of you can relate. Challenges, though they seem exclusive to us, are really something everyone faces. There is no person without challenge at some level, and many times, the greater the challenge, the greater the achievement.

So I’d like to share a simple piece, I started working on it in college I think, but it’s only now that I remember it after reading its very familiar story during my devotions yesterday. It’s actually my single favorite Bible story.

It’s the story of David and Goliath.

You already know how this story ends, young boy goes up against heavily armed giant soldier, and somehow manages to sling a stone into the towering man’s forehead, killing him, and delivering victory. That’s what we like to celebrate: the victories, the wins, the achievements, and the rewards. But I’d like to talk more about the process because that’s what’s important. The victories, the wins, the achievements, and rewards are what come from undergoing the right process. But because we’re usually impatient for the win we short-circuit the process and receive but a shadow of the inheritance that is our destiny.

Let me get to the meat of this post that I’m entitling “The 5 Faces of Victory” taking my characters from 1 Samuel 17.

Note: While I use scripture and read my Bible daily, I want to be very clear that I’m in no way a pastor or a good example of a Christian. Sometimes I get people calling me pastor and it makes me shiver because I respect the seriousness of the role, and it’s a role I don’t want to play. I’m just like you, trying to walk out his faith amidst temptation and challenge, and this is a walk of faith – a walk of hoping in the assurance that a relationship with God brings. And if you want an example read your bible. Jesus is the one you should be following.

The 5 Faces of Victory
Before Kind David, before David the Giant Slayer, before David the Psalmist, before everything, there was David the shepherd, the least among his brothers, the son of Jesse.

Face #1: Jesse – Your Present Situation
The Bible describes Jesse as a very old man with many sons. He greatly underestimated the role his youngest son, David, was going to play, that he didn’t even include him in the lineup when he presented his sons to the prophet Samuel. Instead, he had him tending sheep and delivering food.

Some of us are here. We feel like we’re stuck in a role that doesn’t maximize our abilities, that we’re working on something insignificant for people who don’t appreciate our potential.

David simply served faithfully, protecting the sheep from the lion and bear when necessary, and acting as a food delivery boy when asked. Imagine a pizza delivery guy, putting on his gloves, his jacket, fitting his helmet, revving his motorcycle, clueless that he’s about to save his nation. He didn’t know it but as David loaded his cart, events were unfolding that would catapult him into his destiny.

Face #2: The Israelites – A Need to Meet
This isn’t one person, but more a people group. They represent the need. The Israelites were all afraid of the Philistines and their champion, the 9 foot tall Goliath. None of them wanted to go out there and fight because destruction was sure.

Now some of us see a need or find ourselves surrounded by needs. It’s amazing when we realize that all the Israelites had the same opportunity David had to kill Goliath. They even had a head start since they had been camped out there. Many times the difference between the hero and the average person is a willingness to fight.

David saw a need and stepped up. He didn’t wait for a vote of confidence or for human assurance. He was even surprised no one had done anything to defeat the loud-mouthed giant. That step of taking responsibility would lead him to go head to head with Goliath, but not before going head to head with his own brother.

Face #3: Eliab – The Critics
The Bible says that a prophet has no honor in his hometown, and it’s true. It’s hard for us to accept when someone we know well tries to reach further than is comfortable. We listen to someone proclaim his vision and we think he’s arrogant, or crazy, or a dreamer, or immature, or inexperienced. David’s brother, Eliab, reacted this way:

When Eliab, David’s oldest brother, heard him speaking with the men, he burned with anger at him and asked, “Why have you come down here? And with whom did you leave those few sheep in the desert? I know how conceited you are and how wicked your heart is; you came down only to watch the battle.”

How did David respond? He basically said, “Hey. I’m free to say what I want.” Then shared his dream with others – until King Saul heard about him.

Don’t give up on your dreams because of critics. Maybe you made mistakes in the past that make people see you in a certain way. Eliab knew David was conceited, that’s probably because of something in the past. But David didn’t let the criticisms of the past dictate the direction of his future.

Face #4: King Saul – World Wisdom
What David said was overheard and reported to Saul, and Saul sent for him.

So David’s proclamations got him noticed by the king, and surprisingly, King Saul was open to the idea of David taking on Goliath – but he had his own ideas on how David was going to about things.

Then Saul dressed David in his own tunic. He put a coat of armor on him and a bronze helmet on his head. David fastened on his sword over the tunic and tried walking around, because he was not used to them. “I cannot go in these,” he said to Saul, “because I am not used to them.” So he took them off.

Sometimes we will be tempted to use the wisdom and weapons of seemingly wise people, but we have to go back to the unique gifts God has given us. You don’t need the techniques of the wise; you can have the power of God to give you victory. This is hard for me since I’m such a striver. So it’s good to remind yourself through regular prayer and thanksgiving to God.

Then he took his staff in his hand, chose five smooth stones from the stream, put them in the pouch of his shepherd’s bag and, with his sling in his hand, approached the Philistine.

Face #5: Goliath – The Challenge
Jesse underestimated David. The Israelites needed him. His brother, Eliab, questioned him. King Saul tried to teach him new tricks. But Goliath, Golaith was going to kill him. This was the real fight where the stakes were highest. This was all or nothing.

I won’t get too deep into the story. You can read it for yourself. Besides this post is already too long. I do want to highlight what David said:

David said to the Philistine, “You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the LORD Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied. This day the LORD will hand you over to me, and I’ll strike you down and cut off your head. Today I will give the carcasses of the Philistine army to the birds of the air and the beasts of the earth, and the whole world will know that there is a God in Israel.

All those gathered here will know that it is not by sword or spear that the LORD saves; for the battle is the LORD’s, and he will give all of you into our hands.”

We know how the story ends, David wins, and Israel is saved. There’s a part of me that knows that my story will end in victory, but there’s also a part of me, an impatient, sinful, fearful part of me that needs to be reminded that the battle is the Lord’s, and that I need to face my giants in faith and let God hand me the victory.

The Passionate Lover

I wasn’t planning to write today. I’ve been so busy working I haven’t really had time to think through a post. But sometimes I read something that just triggers my thinking. I just read a post entitled Kawawa Naman si God which translates to “Poor God” or “Pitiful God”, and the author went on to describe the different things that God has done to reach out to us because our sins take us so far away, culminating in the ultimate sacrificial act of His dying on the cross. The whole point of the article is that God’s love is so amazing – which I completely agree with.

I am amazed by God’s love too. He has really shown me much much more than I deserve. But here’s where I don’t agree: I don’t believe God is KAWAWA (which again translates to “pitiful” or ” “poor”). In fact, the Bible says in Hebrews 12:2, that He endured the cross and scorned its shame “for the JOY set before him.”

To Jesus, we were, we are, His JOY, and that’s why He died for us and that’s why He continues to reach out to us. He isn’t a pathetic guy trying all sorts of things to win a girl. He’s God, who doesn’t need us but because of His love for us, it’s His JOY to reach out to us. There’s nothing pitiful about someone doing something He enJOYs.

If there’s anyone who is pitiful or kawawa, it’s us.

It’s like a royal prince of incredible beauty, love, kindness, strength, and wealth trying to win the heart of a dirty, poor, lost and lonely tramp. She has more to lose than he does. She’s the pitiful one.

I’m that dirty, poor, lost, and lonely tramp. I’m the pitiful one with all my mistakes and sins. So I run to God, not a pitiful God, but a beautiful, loving, kind, strong, and wealthy God who for some reason sees me as His joy.

And that reason is LOVE.

A guy passionately pursuing a lady he loves is pitiful and pathetic to everyone, but himself. That’s because he loves her in a greater way than the others. He will do more, try more, and offer more than anyone whose love is less. He will even suffer more, and by the way the word “passion” means “suffering”. This is also where we get the concept of the “Passion of Christ” or the “Suffering of Christ”. Yes it was hard. Yes it was painful. Yes it was shameful. But it wasn’t pitiful. It was passionate.

It was so passionate the centurion looking up at Him at the cross didn’t say, “Poor guy” but instead he said, “Surely He was the Son of God” (Matthew 27:54). You don’t say that about someone pitiful. You say that to someone who commands honor.

Love is a personal thing. It doesn’t have to make sense to others for it to make sense to you. In fact, it won’t make sense unless they love the same. This is why it’s impossible to fully comprehend God’s love, because we don’t and can never love Him as He loves us, so it won’t ever make as much sense to us as it does to Him. To us, God is kawawa because we feel bad for Him that He can relentlessly pursue people who stubbornly turn away (including myself). But what’s amazing is that He doesn’t pity Himself because He is chasing His joy, and even more amazing, like the lost sheep, the lost coin, the pearl, and the treasure in the field, to God, we’re worth it.

Now on the flip-side, are we responding to His love in obedience? My personal answer is, not always. Many times I find myself loving something that turns out to be meaningless. And that’s why I’m the poor man who is so grateful for my Father in Heaven who, despite that, is passionately in love with me.

The Happy Waterboy

“His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’ – Matthew 25:23

I was reminded of this thought while on my way home from yesterday’s Habitat for Humanity board meeting. I mentioned it before in a post entitled Beautifully Unfair where I talked about how sometimes society unfairly rewards people and recognizes many people who don’t deserve it and fails to recognize the people who really do most of the work. At the end my conclusion was:

“But I’m not complaining. Because now I see things as beautifully unfair. Beautifully unfair in our favor. It’s our role to take that and help the least and greatest of us realize that life is beautifully unfair in their favor too.”

As I gave this more thought, I remembered the NBA Finals, and how the Miami Heat players, particularly the big 3: Lebron James, Dwayne Wayde, and Chris Bosh, were so dejected walking out of the court as losers. These were 3 of the highest paid (each make at least $16,000,000 a year not including endorsements and other deals), most celebrated, most talented, and most recognized players in the NBA and they were walking away destroyed. Contrast this with the Dallas Mavericks water boy who makes maybe around $29,000 a year which is less than .2% of the salaries of the star players I just mentioned (yes, that’s decimal before the 2!), with only his mopping and wiping skills to showcase, and while we see him on tv, no one knows his name. But when Dallas won he was a champion, and he was jumping up and down with Nowitzki, Kidd, and Chandler. He was just as happy because he was also a winner.

I’d rather be the happy waterboy in a winning team any day, because being the star player of a losing team, as much as they would like to defend it, is torture. Who wants to be called the greatest player that never won a championship?

Ask yourself, are you the best worker in a losing company? Are you the best leader in a broken government? Are you the all-powerful patriarch of a home of brats? Are you the best actor in a bad movie? Are you the most decent citizen in a dying country?

Again, I’d rather be the happy waterboy in a winning team. I’d rather be jumping for joy at the buzzer than rationalizing my superiority in the press conference.

Being the star player means getting the perks. It means getting the praise, the respect, and the gifts. Being the waterboy means you get all the dirt, you wipe the floors, pick-up sweaty towels, and serve Gatorade.

But the game is about winning not being the star player. We need more people willing to serve, and less people trying to look good. We need more hands, less faces. We need more heart, less poses. We need these because we need to all work together if we’re going to win.

Of course, the best spot of all is to be the star player of a winning team, the one that wins the championship, that garners the most valuable player award. This spot gets the most praise yet also has the most responsibility and requires the most work to fulfill. And while others aspire for this position, I’m learning to make an effort (though my pride gets in the way a lot) to step back and make room, for my Father in Heaven to get the ball, take His shot, and watch Him make it every time.

But do you know what really sucks? The waterboy of the losing team. Now that sucks. So get up and do something.

It’s About What You Got Across Not What You Think You Said or Did

Disclaimer: I’m not an expert. Do I live this way? Most probably not, which explains my current status. These are OPINIONS. Don’t bet your life on them.

If you want to read the others, you can read them at the following links:

1. It’s About What’s Most Important?
2. It’s Not About What You Think You Deserve. It’s About Who You Choose
3. It’s About What You Got Across Not What You Think You Said or Did
4. It’s About Infinite Possibilities Not Minimum Requirements
5. It’s About Whatever It Takes

I don’t know how many times I goofed or messed up while having good intentions. I remember once, I saw two of my friends (they were cousins), and I had heard that their grandmother had died, so I went up to them and gave my condolences only to be told, “David! She’s not dead! She’s just sick!” That was incredibly embarrassing, but not as bad as when, exactly one week after, I saw the same two cousins, and asked them if their grandma was getting better. Shaking their heads they responded, “David. She’s dead.”

***Awkward silence***

What does this have to do with relationships? It’s simple. Our good intentions aren’t enough. What’s important is that we get the right message across.

I was genuinely asking about the health of my friends’ grandmother, but the message I sent was, “I really have no idea what’s happening in your life, so I’m making a fool of myself”.

In business, no matter how many times a salesman says his lines, or hands out flyers, or makes calls if nobody’s buying then he’s not succeeding in getting his message across. It’s not the customer’s fault if he doesn’t want to buy. He can say “Buy this. Buy this. But this. Buy this.” a million times. If the customer isn’t convinced, he won’t get the sale. The burden of communicating a message is always with the messenger, not the receiver.

So you mean that if I told my girlfriend she’s beautiful a million times a day there’s still a chance she’ll get jealous when my head turns towards the hot girl walking past?

Yes. Why? Maybe it’s because all your head-turning is causing her to feel insecure. It’s not how many times you call her beautiful that will make her feel secure.

What will make her secure then? I have no idea. But you have to figure it out and reinforce it, because it’s not about how many times you say something, it’s about getting the message across.

In the same way if a simple note in his luggage will send the message, then write those notes. You don’t have to worry about doing anything crazy, just get the message across.

You’ll notice that I’m not giving exact steps to get the message across, and the reason is because it’s different for everyone. Some people are moved by just the slightest things, some need something more deliberate, but whatever it is the principle here is: Get the Message Across.

And what’s the message?

That you value your partner most. That you chose them and continue to choose to put them first daily. That you’re excited about the unlimited possibilities you have together. And that you’ll do what it takes.

In other words, the message is, “I love you”.

How you get that message across is where the fun and challenge lies. But it’s worth it because remember this is the person you value most.

Notes for the Ladies (and for guys as well):
1. A smooth guy isn’t enough – in fact, be careful. They’ll know what to say and do, they’ll be funny, seem smart and opinionated, and seem generally well-liked. But until you know what he’s made off, and see that he’s worth it, don’t fall in love. Instead look for kindness, generosity (not to be mixed up with galante), humility, patience, and passion. Look for love, not romance. If you’re not getting the message (that he values you most. That he chose you and continues to choose to put you first daily. That he’s excited about the unlimited possibilities you have together. And that he’ll do what it takes.), seriously take this into consideration: you don’t want to be with anyone who doesn’t communicate these things to you – no matter how rich or good looking he is.

2. Don’t fall in love on your own – you’ll probably hate me for adding this, but my stock among females isn’t high anyway so there’s nothing to lose. Don’t fall in love on your own. “We don’t do that!!!” Let me explain, you see a cute guy, you ask your friend what his name is, you check him out on facebook and find out he likes kids and can cook, then you hear another friend say what a great guy he is, and it turns out he lives in your village, your heart is beating a little faster with each revelation, then you realize you share the same birthday, and that he also likes the color red and the same bands, and movies, it gets better and better, culminating in the only possible conclusion: you two were meant for each other. Um… NO. It could also mean that he’s just really a great guy. It could also mean you don’t know enough about him. It could also mean you have a lot of similarities. It could mean a hundred other things but all on your own you fell in love. Instead, don’t be pathetic. Busy yourself with your life’s purpose, walk the very special path prepared for you, and grow, and learn, and improve, before you know it may meet someone interesting, and when you do you’ll be happy you lived right, because you won’t need to pretend, you’re already impressive. If things work out, it’s even better; you’ll be offering him a wonderful version of yourself. Not something in desperate need of improvement.

3. Be aware of what you’re communicating – By this point, your head is probably thinking about whether your guy is communicating the proper things. But before guys become the bad guys, look at yourself and think about what you’re communicating. What does your facebook or twitter status messages say about you? What do your pictures or poses convey? I personally cringe at the number of people who retweet every known love quote on the planet. Some guys might actually like that. I’m not saying pretend, but be wise about what you put out. In this social age you can either build a great reputation or sell yourself cheap. Are you too easy to get? Are you too stuck-up and stiff? Are you kind? What are you? Who are you? These are just a few questions to help you as you figure out what you’re communicating.

It’s About Infinite Possibilities Not Minimum Requirements

“Some people make things happen, some watch things happen, while others wonder what happened”

This is part 4 of my 5-part series on relationships. I’m jumping to this point because the thoughts on this topic are flowing right now. Writing takes a lot of discipline, but there are days when the inspiration for a certain piece is there and you better seize her. Besides, I’ve been getting messages asking me to continue. If you want to read the others, you can read them at the following links:

1. It’s About What’s Most Important?
2. It’s Not About What You Think You Deserve. It’s About Who You Choose
3. It’s About What You Got Across Not What You Think You Said or Did
4. It’s About Infinite Possibilities Not Minimum Requirements
5. It’s About Whatever It Takes

Before we move forward, I’d like to make it very clear that I AM NO EXPERT on relationships. I’m no expert on anything. I’m not an expert Christian (not even close). I’m not an expert businessman (just ask the banks). And I’m definitely not an expert on people or relationships (just ask anyone).

But I’m learning, and I’m sharing with you the lessons along the way.

Irrelevant Minimums
I noticed something interesting about our top staff members:

The excellent ones always exceed expectations. The ordinary ones usually disappoint.

I noticed this too among the people I know. The excellent, disciplined, hardworking, persevering, consistent, and faithful people, even with their mistakes, seem to continue to grow and impress. While the ordinary people, by ordinary I mean the average well-intentioned human being, seem to be stuck in a rut.

What does this have to do with relationships?

A lot actually. Because the principle here is this:

Excellent people are not after the minimum achievement or meeting a minimum requirement. They’re after something much bigger the minimum becomes irrelevant. Relationships with minimum people are bound to disappoint. Relationships with complete devotion will surpass your wildest dreams.

Ordinary people are simply trying to pass. Excellent people are giving it all they’ve got.

It’s the difference between the guy who guns for a passing grade and the guy who goes for an A+. They’ll both pass the test, but only one of them is getting the reward. I’m not saying that this is about grades. It’s not. It’s about changing your perspective to aim and reach for the infinite possibilities available to us instead of just going for the minimum requirements.

Let’s connect this even closer to relationships. Think about your best friends, your favorite relatives, your spouse or partner, or any favorite human being. None of these great relationships are based on having some sort of minimum time spent, or words spoken, or pats on the back, or dinner dates. Our best relationships are too big for that.

How many times they date you isn’t an issue, they always have something prepared.

You’re not mad they forgot your birthday, they already keep you front and center every day.

You don’t have to count how times they were at fault, you know they’ll fix things when they say they will.

What’s the point? You’re not worried about the minimum requirements of a relationship when the person you’re with is already exceeding them. Now before you start checking if your partner or friend is a minimum person or not, check yourself. Are you someone who is going for excellence in your relationships and exceeding expectations?

Here are some examples:

You’re not worried that your folks will get mad at you for being lazy, you’re already studying very very hard.

You’re not arguing based on a mental list of things you did for a person, you’re too busy thinking of what wonderful thing to do for them next.

You’re quick to apologize when you’re wrong, because being united in truth is better than always sounding correct.

Excellent people don’t have to worry about faithfulness issues, they’re already completely devoted. That’s the meaning of faithfulness by the way: complete devotion, and not just not-cheating.

And why do we have to be excellent at all? Because why live life and run our relationships gunning for the minimum required of us? Why let our work life be just about paying the bills? Why let our marriages be just about providing for the kids and accepting that we’re going to get ugly no matter what? Why can’t it be about chasing something and someone you’re passionate about?

Some of you might say, “Because that’s reality, David.” No, that’s your reality, a reality you put on yourself when you settled. Whether you settled because you were disappointed before, or hurt, or unsure, or confused, you’ll end up just living a life justifying why you never achieved more.

Instead of the minimum requirements, let’s persevere towards the infinite possibilities. Infinite meaning the eternal and limitless options available to us when we live by faith.

Again this is not an article to take to your partner, this is a reminder for me not to be the type who settles for minimums but to reach beyond.

Definitions (Part 1)

This is my Fathers Day Post, though it is not exclusively about fathers. It’s a post about one very important role they play, and it’s also about reason, the reasons “why” we do things, but mostly, it’s a post about meaning.

Why am I writing this?

I have three reasons:

1. As a reminder to myself, an exercise to keep taking stock of my life and to purposefully live a life of significance. I’ve realized that I’ve used too many words loosely. It’s sad because I know I have a gift, and it’s meant to build others up. So it’s important, when I take stock of my life, to check and see if the gifts God has given me are being maximized. I know the weight of my words, and while I try to use them to encourage others through this blog, I’ve also used them to devastating effect. It’s one more item on my looooong list of things to improve on.

2. As an encouragement to others to not take life for granted, but instead enjoy it as something meaningful, and to take charge of defining their lives as something significant.

3. And for my last reason for writing this, is that it is my way of honoring fathers who take it upon themselves to set their children on a life of purpose, specifically my Pop, the father that I depended on as a child, and my heavenly Father that I depend on more than ever as a man.

Say What You Mean and Mean What You Say
One of the things I like to do, which many friends find irritating, is to ask people the definition of a word they just used. I hear people say simple words like “cool”, “favorite”, “best friend”, or even “love”, and I’ve noticed that most people are unable to define what they mean. I usually get the same reaction:

“I know what the word means, David, I just don’t know how to define it.”

No wonder so many lives are lived without purpose, longing to be “cool” and not realizing its mutability, that what is “cool” changes depending on time and place. No one thinking rationally would swallow smoke for dinner. Yet we chase “cool” and think achieving that will fulfill us.

No wonder we have so many broken promises. We don’t realize that to “promise” is to make a declaration and bind yourself either in honor, conscience or law to fulfill a certain act in the future. The worth of a promise has everything to do with the promise-giver.

No wonder we take advantage of “best friends”. We don’t realize that the word “friend” means:

One who is attached to another by affection; one who entertains for another sentiments of esteem, respect and affection, which lead him to desire his company, and to seek to promote his happiness and prosperity; opposed to foe or enemy.

And the word “best” means:

The most good. Most advanced. Most complete. Most correct. Most beneficial.

Put them together and we realize that the people we should be calling our “best friends” are actually not that many. That there is a spot for the “best” among just the “good”, and that if someone was our “best”, we should be seeking to promote his or her happiness and prosperity the most.

No wonder our relationships are so messed up in a society that sings, “All you need is love.” Who knows what love really means anymore? To understand the original meaning of love is to know that the definition of “love” is tied very closely to the concepts of “value” and “beauty”. We fall in and out of love because it’s been watered down to feelings and emotions on one extreme and obligation on the other. But to put it simply, love is to find something so beautiful and so valuable, that your emotions lead you to show affection. It’s to realize how excellent something is that you want it so bad. Love is reserved for excellent things – not shallow, empty, frivolous things. This is why to know God, to see His beauty and worth, is the best way to learn to love Him more. And that is why to love Him is our first duty – because He is most excellent, He is most beautiful, and He is most worthy. To love someone is to find and know for sure what makes that specific person beautiful and what her worth is, and to show your affection in word and action.

Words are important. They are powerful. They are powerful not because of the boldness of their font or the length of their spelling. They’re powerful because of one thing: their definition.

To define something is to put clear boundaries around it and say, “This is what this is. This is its meaning. This is its significance.” When we don’t know what something is, when we can’t clearly state its meaning, or don’t realize its significance, we drain our very powerful tool of its potency. We lose our ability to define our lives and default to the definitions others put. Worst of all, when our words, the terms that define our lives, are muddied, life itself becomes muddied chasing feelings, and not realizing to its fulness, the object, the moment, the person, that made the emotion meaningful.

To be continued…

The Essential Leader

You’ve probably read an article by my friend and finance coach Randell Tiongson on Why our neighbors are richer than us. I always hesitate to simplify too much when trying to understand things (though I believe that there are dominant factors) because the idea of context is very real. It’s easy to compare situations and point to obvious differences, but it’s more difficult when we weigh our comparisons with contextual realities such as a country’s history (experiences, influences, and development), its geography, its relationships, and even its environment. So to say that one thing is the cause of everything isn’t my style.

Having said that, I do agree with Randell on the importance of saving. The Philippines is, as I will explain later, a “comfort culture” with a very short perspective, and that is something that has to be addressed, no matter what our explanation or excuse is. A healthy savings rate (coupled with wise deployment) has always been, and will always be (in my opinion), a fundamentally important part of long term development. I recommend meeting Randell and exploring how he can help you with your finances.

Life is Not Nothing
I saw a few comments asking, no, more like rebutting, “how can one save when there’s nothing to begin with?” And the answer to that, based on my short 6-7 years of working with the poor, is that no one has nothing. Some people don’t have money, but the fact that they exist without money means they live, and to be living means to have life, and to have life is to have “something”, something amazing in fact. We need to help people make the most of their lives, by helping them live with a purpose, and help them achieve that purpose with an economic engine (among other things, lest you think it’s only about money). I believe that no excellence, if truly excellent, will remain unrewarded and unrecognized. Excellence is too rare in our society not to stand out.

Broad Strokes for Simple Folks – Like Me
Anyway, I told Randell I’d give him my thoughts on the subject, and while I haven’t had time to crunch through the intricacies of the Philippine context as compared to our neighbors, so I really can’t say why exactly our neighbors are richer than us, I will share some broad thoughts on the topic. I asked a few people and I got some simplistic answers and I’d like to shoot down the religious reply:

Because we don’t believe in Jesus.

Umm… I can name quite a few economically rich nations that don’t believe in Jesus. I can actually name a lot. God is our provider, and He does own the cattle on a thousand hills, and He can miraculously bless us, but he has also instituted principles (such as sowing and reaping for example) that must be followed. I believe that Jesus is Lord, but I’ll be the first to admit that I have not achieved my full financial potential because I have not fully obeyed a lot of these principles. That being said, we can actually obey these principles without believing in Jesus and become wealthy – wealthy with treasures on earth that moth and rust can destroy, that thieves can steal, and that we cannot take with us to the grave.

Anyway, let me give my humble broad thoughts on why the Philippines is not richer than its neighbors.

We have negotiable values – As a unified body, we don’t know what’s truly, non-negotiably important to us. So everything is for sale. Our trees are for sale. Our corals are for sale. Our earth is for sale. Our women are for sale. Our children are for sale. Our principles are for sale. Our future is for sale. Our leadership is for sale. Our organs are for sale. Everything is for sale for a people who do not know what they hold most important. The sad thing is, when we take things for granted, we lose them for far less than they’re worth.

We have tiny shared vision because we can’t see past ourselves – Whenever our focus is on ourselves, our issues, our problems, our opinions (such as this, hehe), and our significance, we will inevitably be left with a small vision. Why? Because a single person is tiny. A country of 96 million people, if unable to see past themselves and share a great vision, will never harness the great potential that lies within its people.

Unknown mission – What’s the purpose of our country? Have we ever stopped to think about this? What is the purpose of the Philippines? Everyone needs a purpose, a reason to exist beyond more than just hanging around. Successful business gets this, and they get this well, which explains the profits, even when that mission isn’t too great. Disney’s mission is “To make people happy.” Amazon.com “seeks to be the world’s most customer-centric company, where customers can find and discover anything they want to buy online at a great price.” And Nike wants “To bring inspiration and innovation to every athlete in the world.” What’s our mission?

Undefined goals – Goals are important. Imagine a football match without goals or a basketball game without baskets. There has to be a way to tell whether we’re winning or not. When the goals of our lives, and of our collective goals as a people, are undefined, no one fails, but no one wins either because there’s no measure to track progress.

Irresponsible leadership – What’s the difference between irresponsible and un-responsible? Irresponsible means “not acting with a sense of responsibility” or simply “not responding to the needs and opportunities around us. I talk about this more in another post. And unresponsible? It’s not even a word. It’s not? Nope. And the reason is because to be un-responsible means a person is not liable to respond, but the original concept of responsibility is that we’re all always liable, and not to do anything is essentially to turn our back and deny our role. When our leadership doesn’t take responsibility and wisely respond to the needs and opportunities of our country, we will limit our achievements.

The Essential Leader
I remember another writer friend of mine share that, in his opinion, the Philippines has a “broken system not a damaged culture” and that we can’t hide behind the excuse that our culture is really damaged this way. While I agree that our system of governance is broken (such as how people are able to break the law and get away with it), and I agree that we can’t hide behind where we’re lacking and we must address the implementation of our laws, I do not agree that our culture is not damaged. In fact, it doesn’t take close inspection to see that it has many elements that are damaging to us, our children, and our future generations. Any system, even the best ones, will fail when the pervading culture is severely cracked.

And what is culture?

The set of shared attitudes, values, goals, and practices that characterizes an institution, organization or group.

The Filipino people, as a group, have many attitudes, values, goals, and practices that are honorable and admirable. You’ll never find a kinder, more hospitable, and more beautiful people anywhere else in the world. Traditional Filipino values such as being malikhain (creativity), practicing bayanihan (being a united community), and being matapat (committed to good) are still alive in many ways, but so are the negative traits of kanya-kanya (a selfish concept that puts one’s needs ahead), bahala na (which is masked as a reliance on God, but really a lazy act of surrender and resignation), Ningas-cogon (lack of enduring commitment), manana (procrastination), and excessive utang na loob (indebtedness to the favors others show you).

We are a relational culture, which is good, but are, as seen in different instances, reduced to a “harmony at any cost” culture. And you cannot run anything, a business, an organization, a family, our own lives, much less a country on a friendship first (versus principle first), don’t rock the boat (versus grow, innovate, and change) set of decision guiding values.

Sounds pretty damaged to me. Damaged, but not destroyed, and very redeemable – Redeemable by the herculean task of uniting everyone (or at least a dominant number) under foundational core values, a clear and great vision, with a significant mission of purpose, all broken down to defined goals, and led by responsible people.

What a job. And that’s why we need great leaders.

What is a business?

1. An organization or enterprising entity engaged in commercial, industrial or professional activities. A business can be a for-profit entity, such as a publicly-traded corporation, or a non-profit organization engaged in business activities, such as an agricultural cooperative.

2. Any commercial, industrial or professional activity undertaken by an individual or a group.

3. A reference to a specific area or type of economic activity.

What is an Investment?

An asset or item that is purchased with the hope that it will generate income or appreciate in the future. In an economic sense, an investment is the purchase of goods that are not consumed today but are used in the future to create wealth. In finance, an investment is a monetary asset purchased with the idea that the asset will provide income in the future or appreciate and be sold at a higher price.

The Price is Right (Part 1)

Blood alone moves the wheels of history.
- Martin Luthor

On most Sundays, I wake up early and start they day by worshipping our God at the 8:00 am service of Victory – Fort Bonifacio. I really like this early time slot since it, just as with daily devotions, it fixes my perspective back on God. I’ll be the first to admit that I can get distracted, to and that’s why it’s important to me to keep running to God daily. Another benefit of going to church early is that opens up my day to do the many non-work activities I’m into such as writing, which I’m doing now.

A few days ago, after one of my evening runs, I stop by Hanaichi in Fort Bonifacio to have dinner. While having dinner, the owner of the place, Sachi-san, sent over a new dish they were trying. It was too big for me so I had it split and sent to the table of the older gentleman sitting beside me. I invited him to join me at my table since we were both eating alone anyway. This might seem odd to some of you, but I’ve had some of the most interesting conversations with complete strangers, and this one would not disappoint.

It turns out my new foreign friend, who was Swiss and old enough to be my father, was working in the Philippines and staying in the area as well. After talking a little bit about ourselves I asked him the same question I like to ask the different successful people I’ve met: “If you could only choose three things, what would you say are the three most important keys to your success?”

Without hesitation he gave his answer: discipline, a willingness to learn your whole life, and be fair to others. He went on to explain each, and here’s, in my paraphrased version, what he told me:

Discipline. You have to be able to order your life to do what’s necessary. No shortcuts. No easy way around things. Just consistent hard work and doing what has to be done.

You also have to be willing to learn. I’m old but I just finished my MBA. I don’t need it. I’m already very high. I just wanted to learn more and test if this old brain can still handle it. You need to be willing to learn new things all the time and not just accept the way things are because there’s always a better way.

The last one is the be fair to others. The golden rule: do unto others what you want them to do unto you. That’s as clear an explanation that you need.”

I listened to him and realized that he wasn’t saying anything new. These were the same principles taught to me as a child, taught to almost everyone I know. But how many of us live these out to the level that we should? I found it interesting that the lessons the Swiss learn and the lessons we learn are similar in principle but worlds apart in results. How could this be?

I would find my answer in blood.

(To be continued…)

Spoiled by Entitlement

In my last post, I discussed what it means to be spoiled, and that is, to be unfit to face the realities and recognize the beauty of life. I’d like to expound more on the idea of being fit to face the realities of life in this article and talk about what it means to be spoiled in this area.

Life requires hard work and perseverance. It is full of adversities that have to be overcome. Difficulty is not what life is about but it is a part of it. Change is also a big part. It’s something that will always affect our existence. We need to be people who are able to face these realities, the adversity, the changes, the hardships, and we need to be strong enough to overcome. It is in fighting and overcoming that mere existing gives way to living.

I’ll be listing a few attitudes we pick up that make us unfit to successfully face the realities of life.

First on the list is Entitlement – thinking the world owes us.
The world doesn’t owe us anything. We don’t deserve better treatment because we’re rich and we don’t deserve a freebie because we’re poor. Kids don’t deserve gifts on their birthdays – that’s why it’s called a gift. Employees don’t deserve a bonus – that’s why it’s called a bonus. People don’t deserve kindness – that’s why it’s called kindness. We don’t deserve friends – we have to open our life to others and they have to respond. People don’t necessarily deserve success – that’s why it’s called an achievement, it’s something that has to be attained through the right kind of work. Salaries are earned. Trophies are won. Charity is extended willingly. We don’t deserve anything. The best things in life are either earned or gifted, so our posture is always of diligence and gratefulness.

When something eludes you, persevere. When something drops on your lap, thank the source. There’s no room for pride because so many of life’s essentials were given to us free – starting with life itself. But there’s also no room for apathy because every gift has a purpose that has to be walked out, uncovered, and enjoyed. Diligence without gratefulness leads to pride, greed, and exploitation of others and even ourselves. Gratefulness without diligence leads to a settler’s life, without growth nor achievement . We need both.

Stop feeling entitled, instead, be diligent with the work of your hands and grateful for everything in all circumstances.

Spoiled

“There’s more to fighting than rest, sir. There’s character. There’s strength of heart.”
- Colonel Robert Gould Shaw

Spoil
v.
a. To impair the value or quality of.
b. To damage irreparably; ruin.
c. To become unfit for use.
d. To impair the completeness, perfection or unity of; to flaw.
e. To do harm to the character, nature, or attitude.
f. To plunder.

I just finished watching Glory, a movie about American Civil War Colonel Robert Gould Shaw and one of the first African American regiments. Its haunting theme lingers in my head, along with a thousand floating thoughts. I remember watching this as a boy with my dad, and I remember him explaining to my brothers and I the importance of treating everyone equally, of bravery and courage, of persevering against adversity, and of sacrifice for a worthy cause – even until death. I remember asking my dad why the title was “Glory”, and he just said, “because that’s what it is.”

More than a decade later, I understand what my dad meant. The movie Glory, which really comes from a word meaning “the splendor of God”, was a depiction of lives offered up. The glory of life is not in our finding ourselves and all we want, it’s in losing ourselves to something greater.

But we’ve become spoiled that we don’t understand this anymore. We value comfort, security (which usually turns out to be false security), and prominence over hard work, sacrifice, and humility.

Simply put, spoiling something means to make it unsuitable for its purpose, to ruin it. We see this word used for food. Spoiled food is no longer fit for consumption. We see this with things such as paint. Muddied paint is unfit for coloring brilliant hues. We see this in the environment. Polluted water is unfit a habitat for fish and plants. There’s many more examples, but of all the things that can be spoiled it’s most dangerous when it is about people.

Spoiled people are those who have become unfit to face realities and recognize the beauty of life.

A spoiled person will be unfit to contribute positively to society. Spoiled people will fail at being good fathers or mothers, they’ll make terrible partners, they will be selfish friends and relatives, and they won’t live fulfilled lives – all the while blaming someone or something else.

I’ll be writing more on what it means to be unfit to face the realities of life and to be unfit to recognize the beauty of life in the following posts but I want to make something clear:

Being spoiled is not about having a lot of things, there are many wealthy people who aren’t spoiled and many poor people who are. It’s about the attitudes and mindsets we adopt that make us unfit to fulfill the purpose of God in our lives.

The reason why parents spoil their kids when they injudiciously give them anything is not because the kids have a lot of stuff, but because they rob them of the chance to learn the patience and perseverance needed to win in life. They become unfit to achieve their dreams. Leaders spoil their people by again injudiciously giving them what they want to appease them, instead of guiding them through the slow but character building processes necessary of sustainable development. They become unfit to progress.

Spoiling is not about giving. It’s about giving with a lack of judgment.

That’s A Rap

I can’t say I relate to rap very much, but here’s one I enjoyed.

We Can When You Can

Photo from Montalban Cycling.

“So much attention is paid to the aggressive sins, such as violence and cruelty and greed with all their tragic effects, that too little attention is paid to the passive sins, such as apathy and laziness, which in the long run can have a more devastating effect.”
- Eleanor Roosevelt

I’ve finally finished my work for the day as dictated by Text Edit files on the desktop of my computer. Beside me hums my MacBook backing up files on the Time Machine, while yet another Apple product, an iPad, churns out a seemingly never-ending stream of email. Another quiet yet busy evening for me.

But it’s not work I want to talk to you about tonight. Well, it does entail work, but it isn’t for financial profit. It’s for something greater, something more fulfilling, and longer-lasting. It’s something of greater value.

And what can be more valuable to us than the life we’ve been given?

Every day, everyone everywhere, is given the gift of life. That gift is part time, and part opportunity, part dream, and part work, it’s part laughter, and part fight, it’s part chance, and part perseverance. It’s a multi-part, multi-faceted gift that many people, and I would say even most, take for granted.

If you knew just how precious your life is, not someone smarter’s life or someone richer’s, but your life, you’d live differently. You wouldn’t sleep -in so late, or spend so much time on Facebook, because time is gold. You wouldn’t stuff your body with junk, because that’s your vehicle through this life. You wouldn’t let people’s criticism affect you so much, because you know you have a purpose. You wouldn’t give yourself so easily, because you know that you don’t trade for less than someone’s all, because love expects all and only trades for all.

Most of all, if you knew how valuable God’s gift of life is, you would treat others different, because you understand the worth of another that is made in His image.

I hope we don’t miss the fulfillment that life has to offer because of the passive sins of apathy and laziness, sins that have left us warming the bench, complaining and criticizing, with not a statistic in the game.

It’s with this in mind, this understanding of God’s gift, that we introduce the U! Can program of U! Happy Events and The Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf. U! Can is our way of activating everyone to bring value to others by participating in fun and helpful activities. U! Can, with its partner organizations (such as my personal favorites Real LIFE Foundation and Habitat for Humanity), work together to create unique-serving-experiences for people who want to start contributing.

Giving doesn’t always have to be big. It can start small. What’s important is that you give from your heart. We know that someday, as you give, you will be blessed beyond imagination, and we hope your heart stays where it started: beating for others.

To join U! Can just visit your nearest Coffee Bean outlet and sign-up on the message board. If you need more information you can ask the baristas who’ll be happy to help you. Our first event is on May 21, and sign-up sheets are already on the boards. The fee for this first event is P300, but that comes with a shirt and a lot of fun. Part of the proceeds will also go to the partner organization. I’ll be there along with our president Harvard Uy Debaron, and the famous magician and Mr. Big Heart JB Delacruz, and the rest of the U! Happy Events and Coffee Bean teams. I’m looking forward to seeing all of you there.

I know you’ll contribute greatly. I know this for sure.

I know U! Can.

-

Someday, my sons and daughters will thrive in a different, more beautiful Philippines, where the sun shines on a canopy of thick trees surrounding beautiful cities. There will be no more slums for everyone will have a home, or will open their home to those cast out. There will be a spoon, a chopstick, a straw to feed every mouth. Movement will flow smoothly because people give way and enjoy the safety of efficient public transportation. The rich will give freely without condescension and the poor will work without entitlement. There will be harmony because we embrace the truth that we are destined to be one people by an omniscient Father.

I could go on dreaming, but it’s late.

Time to sleep, and dream some more.

Master Plan

“I felt that we had no right to exist unless we immersed ourselves in the problems of our milieu.”
- Father Masterson

My father told me a little bit about this story over lunch. He heard it from Father Candelaria of the Ateneo on one of his Monday morning meetings with him. The story interested me so much I googled it and found a writeup on the story of the Ateneo’s move from Padre Faura to Katipunan where it now stands. Read about a vision, a plan, and the people who brought it about here. I studied here, and while I can’t say I’m the type that really identifies with my university, I am grateful for the men and women who braved the naysayers and obstacles to prepare something amazing for me and others like me.

I’ll be posting more and more about different articles I find online that are either interesting, edifying, thought-provoking, or a combination of all three.

Success According to the Marathon Man

Read an article about Haile Gebrselassie on CNN.com. It’s insightful and inspiring for runners and non-runners alike.

Your Best Excuse

I spend a significant amount of time giving advice, counseling people, answering questions on things related to business, social work, and values (and the occasional formspring questions on my views on love), and walking other business people on how to think through their endeavors. Helping others bring out and maximize the value of their lives and organizations is something I love doing. I’m privileged that despite my own limitations I can somehow contribute and give back to others the incredible kindness I’ve been shown by people who were busy, or didn’t have to, or who had their own needs, but overflowed with love.

But the reality of consultancy or advice or help is that it’s only worth something if the receiver takes it and applies it faithfully until results are achieved. I don’t know how many times people have told me that they’ve “already tried” a solution, that it didn’t work, that it was bad advice, only to find out they never really persevered, that they gave up too soon, or that they didn’t follow the wisdom at all. This saddens me because I’ve realized that many of us miss out on the success, achievement, joy, and fulfillment available to us simply because of a dangerous idea called Your Best Excuse.

Your best excuse is your self-accepted reason for failure.

It is the traffic jam that made you late.

It’s your dad that was too harsh, so you rebel against authority.

It’s your teacher that embarrassed you, so you have stopped learning.

It’s the inheritance you never received but others did because you were born to a poor family, so you cheat to catch up.

It’s your stupid boyfriend’s fault that your heart’s broken.

It’s your boss’s favoritism, so you’re never promoted.

It’s your constant bad luck, so you’ve stopped trying.

It’s that person who stole from you, or mistreated you, or molested you, so you’ve stopped trusting.

It’s the unjust system we live in, so we might as well give in.

There are many more examples, many more valid reasons to be discouraged, to miss excellence, to stop fighting, to stop trying, to be mediocre, or even to surrender. These realities help us feel a little better about ourselves, even as we yearn for something better because deep inside us our hearts we know THERE IS something greater planned for us. That is the eternity God placed in our hearts – limitless, endless eternity. We can’t completely comprehend it but we feel it calling us.

But instead of focusing our mind on the greatness prepared for us and preparing ourselves body, soul, and spirit to achieve, we use that same mind, and condition the same body, soul, spirit to live limited under Our Best Excuse, as we rationalize our cowardice and laziness – and that’s exactly what it is. We don’t want to be vulnerable because we’ve failed, or have been hurt, or have been frustrated and disappointed, so we cower and get fat in our false comforts, even as we entrench ourselves more and more in the mud of our excuses.

There’s a better life for us, and it involves letting go of Your Best Excuse, letting go of our best reasons, whatever it is, even valid reasons, for living a limited lie and moving against it. If you’ve been hurt, comfort others. If you’ve been stolen from, give generously even if it’s your life that gives others hope. If you’ve been sick, take steps to being healthy. If you’ve been lazy, work. If your heart’s been broken, love, and love unconditionally. If you’ve gone bankrupt, try something else.

Whatever Your Best Excuse is, let go. The lie is not that your excuse is invalid, it is valid, but no matter how valid it is, the lie is that it can contain you – it can’t. You’re called to be greater than that. Your life is more valuable. Your life is worth more than Your Best Excuse.

The 5 Habits of Quality-Focused Companies

Being in the business of building and repairing businesses, I thought this simple article would be helpful to many of you interested in restructuring into a more focused enterprise.

How to Eat an Elephant

There’s a strong breeze blowing my hair in all directions as I sit here typing this. I forgot to bring cooking stuff and food, so I’m sustained by a jar of chunky peanut butter, boysenberry Yoplait, and milk straight from the carton for dinner. It’s times like these that I realize I need someone – someone like Cording, our family’s incredible cook when I was growing up.

Earlier, I went sailing in not-exactly-sunny weather. Sailing is always a nice way to escape and think (though my forehead still hurts from the hit I took from a wrong tack that knocked me completely off the boat).

I’ve taken off for the next few days to bike, sail, rest, and reflect, to thank God for a wonderful 2010, and to prepare for 2011. This end-of-year / start-of-year practice is something I’ve been doing for a long time now, first with my family as a child, now own my own, and it’s something I intend to continue with my own wife and children.

Resolutions and Goals
Many of you are also probably going to do the same and work on ever-popular-but-usually-doomed-to-fail New Year’s resolutions, life goals, or faith goals. And many times, the things we write come up to nothing more than a depressing list of unfulfilled dreams. Remember that our nicest ideas and greatest intentions are worth very little if never realized. The reason why I think this happens is because we’ve forgotten the definition of two important words: resolution and goal.

A resolution is something we have “resolved” to accomplish which means it is something we have non-negotiably decided to achieve.

A goal is a target we are aiming for, and just like with shooting, the trick is to focus all your actions to concentrate on hitting whatever it is you’ve set your sites on, and of course, you have to fire. You can’t just aim forever.

So as you work on your resolutions and goals keep these two words in mind. Decide on what you non-negotiably intend to achieve and focus your sites.

A Foundation of Values
Another common mistake people make when writing their resolutions and goals is that they actually make “wish lists” which end up becoming “might-do lists” or a list of things we hope to accomplish given all the factors line up – which rarely happens. The whole “wish list” effect happens because we usually cook up our lists this way:

1. We ask ourselves or someone asks a guide question such as: How do you see your 2011? Picture what 2011 looks like, what do you see?”
2. We then proceed to think about and imagine what 2011 looks like.
3. Then we write it down.
The flaw in this approach is that while vision is a very powerful thing (how we picture things is many times the map our life follows), our minds and imaginations can play tricks on us and might lead us to two possible resolutions:

• Unrealistic, unrelated, defocused, and unachievable resolutions
• Fearful, limited, uncreative, and uninspiring resolutions.

Either way, we will most probably fail to see our resolutions fulfilled.

Instead, start with VALUES before vision. Start with what’s most important to you and work your way down. Depending on what’s important to you, you can now picture or vision-cast how you’d like those important things to look like.

Knowing what’s really important helps you focus on the essentials of your life, not the nice distractions – and the best distractions are always nice. It’s that lady in a red dress as the Matrix pointed out.

Knowing what’s really important also keeps you motivated because you know that each step you take is a step closer to something or someone you treasure. Striving for things we don’t value is drudgery. Living, even sacrificing our life, for something we value is satisfying.

Most of all, knowing what’s really important assures us that when we do achieve our resolutions and goals we will be met with the fulfilling feeling of attaining things of worth, not the disappointment of realizing you put all that effort for empty treasures.

How to Eat an Elephant
There’s only one way to eat a pachyderm (or anything for that matter). Chop it up into small pieces and eat it piece by piece. (If you’re a smart ass and don’t like the idea of elephant sashimi, chop it up, cook it, and then eat it.)

My point is: work in manageable increments.

Even as I try to stay a realist, I like to encourage people to dream as big as they can, but of course, based on what they value. As it’s been said, dreaming is free so dream big. But to achieve our grand resolutions and dreams and goals and hopes, we have to break things up into things we can handle such as daily tasks that can form a routine, events on our calendar, little contributions to our savings account, or even setting a date night with each kid. Our incredible elephant-like dreams become achievable when we break them down into daily action items, knowing that someday they will all add up to dreams come true.

Remember this: no one is born a success or a failure. We either become a success or a failure depending on the little increments we add to our life. Successful people, people who achieve what they set out to do, are those who, through discipline, focus, and perseverance, little by little move closer to their goals.

Failures are also produced incrementally. It’s one decision to be lazy, plus another moment of procrastination. It’s the trading of uncomfortable necessities (such as exercise and hard work) for initially more fun and more comfortable activities (such as entertainment and self-indulgence). It’s taking the small shortcuts we think will get us ahead but really leads us nowhere. Before we know it the increments have added up and we’re “fat” with baggage we never wanted.

The good news is we can stop at whatever point we’re at, and begin taking the little increments to a better life.

If you want to lose weight, start by subtracting something from your diet. If you want to gain weight, add something. If you want to discipline yourself to read the Bible everyday, start by reading one verse, and just add to it as it reveals itself to you – and it will. If you want to be kinder, start by deciding to do one act of kindness each week, if that’s too much, do once a month. If you want to be more productive, start by setting aside one hour to work without distractions. Whatever it is just start, and start in small manageable pieces.

The Righteous Shall Live by Faith
If I were to describe 2010, I would describe it as the year of “running to God”. This year I moved out of my parents’ home, worked on the businesses Issho Genki (Squalene) and naturalhealth.ph+ (natural health products), AXIO (online services), and Emergy (emerging markets business development), continued to serve the foundations Real LIFE (education), Habitat for Humanity (housing), and CCT (microfinance), and somehow managed to keep painting, reading, playing my sports, and of course, writing. I wish I set aside more time for piano and sailing, which I intend to do next year, but we can only do so much. How I was able to survive this year I can only point to God. I can’t say I always had the money, many times I didn’t. I can’t say I had the strength. This year was so busy and tiring that I lost about 15lbs! I can’t say I knew all the answers. I’ve never had so many unanswered questions and requests in my life. All I had, all I have, is a faithful Father, and my eyes start to tear as I write this, that embraced me with love through every lonely night, that met me with acceptance and forgiveness after every sin, that made a way for me despite every closed door.

I add this part to remind you of one last thing as I conclude, one last word: FAITH. Through all your value-mapping, vision-casting, and breaking down into manageable action points remember that you have a Father who knows the desires of your heart, who sees and rewards your efforts, and who’s desire is that you live fulfilled in relationship with him.

So how do you eat an elephant? Take it on in faith.

There is a Harvest

Today, I was back at the Real LIFE Foundation’s feeding program to spend time with the older kids in our weekly small group. I’ve been absent the past few weeks because of all the work and meetings this yearend quarter has loaded. To give you an idea, just this week, aside from all the regular work activities related to Issho Genki, naturalhealth.ph, Emergy (the consultancy and management company) and AXIO (the web development company), I’ve had a Christmas event every night, 2 TV interviews for Habitat for Humanity’s Umagang Kay Ganda feature (which was at 5am!), a race that was also for Habitat, the Real LIFE feeding program, as well as squeezing in some time to shop for gifts. I have to say, I’m especially excited about naturalhealth.ph’s upcoming articles covering natural adventures and natural exercises. It’s growing so fast and it’s contributing more and more to my already long list of things to do.

I was a bit worried coming into today’s time with the guys. I was hoping they would understand and not feel like I take them for granted – which I don’t. Even when I’m not with them I pray for them, that God would touch them and teach them His ways, and that they would grow in wisdom, stature, and favor with God and man. I pray for them because I know that given my limitations, the shortness of my “goodness”, and constraints, that I can’t give them what they need – but God can, and just like with everything else that’s good and bad about my life, I run to God and take it to Him. I always wonder if anything I say or do really sinks in, or if they’re only after the fries.

But God has a way of answering our undeserving prayers, and today while talking to the kids about the same verse I shared with my Issho Genki staff last night, Galatians 6:9, I was reminded that there is a harvest waiting for those who persevere.

During our conversation, the kids started talking about many of the Real LIFE volunteers they’ve met in the past year and a half, and they started saying that they saw this or that person on TV, that this person is now famous and rich, and really how people are moving on and being promoted in life. Then one of them said, “Ikaw lang hindi sumikat, kuya David.” (“You’re the only one who didn’t become famous.”) I don’t really care about fame (all that ever did for anyone was load them with crazy expectations), but for a second I thought, “Yeah, he’s right.” But before my mind could dwell on what I’m missing, God, through this kid, encouraged me, “Wag ka mag alala, kuya David. Sikat ka sa puso naming.” (“Don’t worry. You’re famous in our hearts.”) And I again I was humbled for even thinking for a moment that I was deprived. What a privilege it is to contribute to the lives of others and what a blessing to know that the message is getting through.

There is a harvest. There is a reward for us and it may not be what we expect. Maybe it’s not the recognition or promotion we deserve. Maybe it’s not the home of our dreams. Maybe it’s not the security of a fortress balance sheet. Maybe it’s not the boy or girl of your dreams. Maybe it’s not what you thought you always wanted but you’ll find that it’s something more.

God’s harvest will always fulfill us, as it either answers our hearts desire or transforms our heart to desire His will. I can’t tell you what, or how, or when, I can only encourage you with the same three words I told the kids earlier: Don’t Give Up.

Big Reminders with a Big Breakfast

Remember to Give
I’m sitting in a corner Mc Donald’s somewhere in Taytay. I’m having a not-at-all healthy breakfast and killing time here with my faithful driver, Non, before I head back to work. I haven’t eaten in McDonalds in a while. Don’t plan to come back anytime soon. My body is so used to healthier things that eating junk doesn’t appeal to me anymore.

Very early this morning, before the sun was up, I had gone to the Habitat for Humanity site in Pasig 2 for a home turnover that was featured on Umagang Kay Ganda (which happens to be the show of my sister-in-law, Carla). We’re building 416 homes in partnership with the city government of Pasig for families living in disaster risk areas, particularly those living beside the infamous Pasig River. Housing is an incredibly serious issue in the Philippines and its social impact is felt even more in urban settings. The home deficit is about 3-4,000,000, and I believe that’s only in an urban setting. That’s not hard to believe when you take into account that Metro Manila has 12,000,000 people and the whole Philippines has a population of 97,000,000.

That’s a lot of people.

Shelter is more than just building a shell, it’s about security and dignity, and part of bringing security and dignity is connecting with groups that can bring in other home necessities such as running water, sewage, electricity, livelihood, values formation, and other similar soft programs.

It’s really a huge effort. But it’s also very rewarding, which is why I don’t hesitate to invite, people to join our builds, donate their idle land, contribute in cash, or find some other creative way to take part in Habitat for Humanity or my other favorite, Real LIFE.

Don’t wait until you have more. Don’t wait for tomorrow. Don’t wait until someone’s looking. Don’t wait until you’re perfect. Don’t wait until you figure it out. Just give.

Remember to Let Go
Last night, the Real LIFE team had a thank you dinner at Tina Pamintuan’s restaurant L’incontro for Dr. Joey Castro. Doc, as we all call him, is the founder of the Real LIFE Foundation but is moving to Brunei to do ministry there.

I would count Doc to be one of most influential men in my life and I thank God for Him. I couldn’t ask for a better first boss (though he would say I did the bossing around). While many young graduates are mentored in finance, administration, sales, marketing, and other business functions, what I got was a first hand lesson in value. It was during my time with Doc at Real LIFE that I understood that more than programs and superstructures it is people that are most valuable.

I’d be the first to admit we didn’t know anything about scholarship programs, much less about building a foundation. But we saw the need and knew someone had to fill it, even if we were only going to fill it with faith. Looking at what Lynn, Sony, Rhia, Ariel and Vince are achieving at Real LIFE, I’m so grateful to God that despite our limitations when we started he honored us by blessing this work and entrusting it to capable stewards.

True to form, Doc Joey had no problems with handing over the foundation. I remember talking to him about his plans to go to Brunei and asking him how he felt about where the foundation was going, and I remember him telling me, “David, Real LIFE has reached levels beyond my wildest dreams. I know this team can take it further than we could have ever taken it.” I was amazed at how he had no ego, no founder’s complex, no entitlements, just a pure heart that knew when to let go.

More and more I’m realizing that just as important as taking something and making it better, is being able to let go and release something or someone into something greater.

Remember to be Childlike
I watch the kids just outside the glass panes playing on a dusty sidewalk. I can’t tell what they’re doing. To me, it seems all they’re doing is playing with dirt, and I remember a time when I used to make mud pies in our backyard and, like these kids, I would be having the time of my life. I didn’t need a buffer of three months worth of living expenses. I didn’t need a title, or a position, or to prove myself. I didn’t need to live up to anyone’s expectations.

I was just playing with mud and I was having a lot of fun.

I’m reminded of something Seth Godin wrote about staying childlike (versus being childish):

“Childlike makes a great scientist.
Childish produces tantrums.
Childlike brings fresh eyes to marketing opportunities.
Childish rarely shows up as promised.
Childlike is fearless and powerful and willing to fail.
Childish is annoying.
Childlike inquires with a pure heart.
Childish is merely ignored.”

As I end my thoughts and my time in McDonalds, I signal to Non to get the car. I’ll have to switch my mind back to work, but let me leave you with this:

Remember to give for it is in giving that we receive. Remember to let go for it is in releasing that others can fly. And remember to be like a child, always curious, always fearless, and always discovering.

For God So Loved…

Last week I wrote an article on Naturalhealth.ph about preparing for Christmas. In the article I talked about how we need to prepare our hearts, minds, spirit, and body for the season so that we don’t miss its essence – which is not hard to do given the grandness of the festivities. You can read the full article here.

One great way of preparing yourself, your family, and your friends for Christmas is by practicing a tradition known as the Advent Wreath. You can read more about the Advent Wreath online but basically it is traditionally a time of preparation for Christmas.

Traditions are important to helping us remember the essence of what we are celebrating. They’re also great for sharing with others and enjoying together. Most of all, traditions help us pass on to a new generation the ideas, stories, and values of the occasion.

The Advent Wreath is a tradition my family has been practicing for years, since I was a kid, and this year I decided to begin celebrating it my own home now that I’ve moved out. I wanted to share and pass on to others what I enjoyed growing up.

Last Thursday, December 2, I invited some friends over to my apartment for after-dinner snacks and to kick-off our Advent preparation. For the next 4 weeks we would be sharing on a new concept to prepare our hearts for Christmas.

I’ll be posting the titles and themes here just in case you would like to celebrate this with your own families.

Week 1: For God so loved the world…
Gold Candle: Value
Text: John 3:16

Here we talked about God’s motivation for sending Jesus: His love for us. That God values us so much that He paid with His own son to purchase us. This whole story is a value story. A story of a God who shopped through His creation and chose us to be most valuable to Him. This is an awesome idea that I can’t comprehend. I am incredibly grateful for this truth though. This is the starting point of Christmas: God’s love. That He loved us so much that He sent Jesus to save us.

I wrote a post saying that when it comes to relationships and love, it’s not about what we deserve but about who we choose. This is clearly displayed in God’s love for us. We don’t deserve His goodness and He deserves better than our unfaithfulness. But He chose us, and He has made a way for us to be with Him, and because of Jesus we are redeemed. Even as I type this my heart is overwhelmed by repentance and gratitude. Repentant because I really don’t make the cut – not in even close. Grateful that I have a Father who doesn’t treat me as my sins deserve and whose love doesn’t change depending on my output. For God so loved the world that He chose me and you, and paid for us with His Son that whosoever believes in Him will not perish.

Beautifully Unfair

Burning the Midnight Oil
It’s 1:56am in the morning, and I really should be getting ready for bed. There’s just too much to finish before the week ends. Besides, even if I did try to sleep I wouldn’t be able to. My brain would stay wide awake thinking of how to make things work.

I’m taking a break to write this before I start reading the notes for tomorrow’s Habitat for Humanity executive committee meeting. I serve on the national board of Habitat for Humanity and chair the membership committee. Next year, we’ll be rolling out some membership programs to get more people involved. I’d really appreciate if all of you would come support us. You can even get involved now by scheduling to build some homes with your friends at one of our sites. Email us at info@habitat.org.ph for more information.

Before this I was checking the analytics of my sites and I’m quite pleased with the performance of this blog (davidbonifacio.com) and naturalhealth.ph. We will be launching our new store soon which includes our new Cash on Delivery (COD) service for people who don’t have or don’t want to use their credit cards. So you can now order online, we put your order together, deliver the products to you and collect the payment. It’s just another way we’re adding to help make naturally healthy living more convenient and accessible to more people. Christmas is coming up fast, and if you’re like me with so much to do on a daily basis, I really like this option of being able to give healthy presents without the hassle of traffic.

Anyway, like I said, I’m using this break to write.

The Real Life of Real LIFE
Some of you have probably already seen this month’s issue of Metro Society that features Lynn Nawata and I, and the work of Real LIFE. I’m very grateful to the people at the magazine for the media exposure the foundation received. I was able to read the article and, like in almost every feature of me, I felt like I needed to clarify a few things. When I clarify this way it’s only because I don’t ever want people to think that it’s about personal publicity or getting people’s respect. It’s not. I actually cringe sometimes when I read what people write about me. It’s the same cringing feeling I get when I read some of your questions on formspring. The motivation for Lynn and I to participate in these interviews is to raise awareness for Real LIFE and to encourage people to take part in giving to LIFE. Just so that I can sleep knowing you get the right message here are my clarifications:

1. It is all by God’s grace – I don’t say this in a religious way or as a cliche’ Christian expression but as someone who has taken stock of his own capabilities and knows he is wanting. It’s easy to look good in an article – simply because they take the good stuff about you and add-on other good stuff that may or may not really be you. Hehe. But if you were to follow me 24/7 there’s really no way you’d be impressed. No way. But by God’s grace we are included in something greater than ourselves. By God’s grace we are able to participate in the work of serving others.

2. Things are achieved by teams of people in the trenches – When I look at the success of organizations and efforts I have been a part of, I can never say that it succeeded because of me. I actually sometimes wonder why I was included in the first place. The credit belongs to the people in the trenches, unsung, under-appreciated, but directly facing the many different broken situations of society. A perfect example of this is Dr. Joey Castro who quietly served students in Pasig. His work would grow into Real LIFE, and we’re excited to now have Vince Bitana and Ariel Domingo blazing new trails in our programs division. Doc, Vince, and Ariel (along with the rest of the team) have visited home after home and directly invest their lives into the lives of students. Their work is tedious and unglamorous but the impact is great – even if the media will never pick their story up.

3. There is no value in being the popular member of a losing team – Every time I see an article featuring me, I am reminded of the scenes I’m greeted when I go through our city: the homeless sprawled on sidewalks, naked babies, exploited children, corrupt cops waiting to pounce, and just broken people existing without any knowledge of their value. I really cringe at the thought that I’m being recognized as a star player in a losing team. Because even as we trump up the good that we’ve done, there are more people who need homes, more students needing to be educated, more values needing to be taught, and it’s growing at a faster rate than our successes. Even as we pat ourselves on the back are problems are getting worse.

There is no value in being the star player of a losing team. There is value in winning, and by winning I mean fixing the brokenness and restoring societies relationships. That can only be achieved collaboratively and multi-generationally, which means it’s not about having star players. It’s about everyone getting involved.

Buying Fake
In a culture like ours that worships celebrities, it’s easy to understand why people would be attracted to someone who chooses to live a remarkably different life. But don’t be easily impressed when other people put other people on pedestals. Society has never been good at assigning the right value to things.

Think about it.

We go crazy over actors, people whose job is to pretend, and we take for granted the people who do the actual work. We’re willing to pay more to watch an action star pretend to dodge pretend-bad guys shoot pretend-bullets at him. We’re so impressed that we drink what he’s drinking, we wear what he’s wearing, and we drive what he’s driving. We let our preferences, what we think is worth something, be defined by pretenders.

And what about our real soldiers who face real enemies and are hit with real bullets? Underpaid, under-appreciated, and unknown. I’m very grateful that my parents didn’t allow us to watch TV as kids. Growing-up our heroes were leaders like George Washington, Benjamin Franklin, and Churchill, of course Andres Bonifacio, generals like Patton and l McArthur, scientists like Edison and Einstein, and renaissance men Davinci and Michaelangelo. We grew up looking up to martyrs and our namesakes, and that’s why our paradigm is so different, because we were taught to admire people who were excellent in who they really were and what they really did. No make-up, no lights, no takes, just real life.

Here’s another thing to think about.

Why do so many women feel a need to be a complete woman of beauty brains and a great body? Even if you had all three there’s still so much missing. What about kindness? What about humility? What about wisdom? What about a craft? What about your story? What about the thousands of small and big things that make a person unique?

As I type these, I ask myself these questions, because I can be just as shallow as the shallowest Hal. I don’t want to be a pretender on a magazine, which is why I stay involved. I want to use this post to pass the credit on to the people who deserve it.

Beautifully Unfair
When I think about these things, I realize how shallow I am. I realize how dumb I am for wanting the acceptance of a society that can’t really tell what real valuable things are. Sometimes I start feeling down when I realize how crazy our value-systems are, and I ask myself “Isn’t it unfair that some people get the credit and the people doing the real work don’t?” And the answer is YES. If you’re looking at yourself and to the world for recognition, and no one recognizes your value, YES, you’ll always feel that the situation is unfair.

But then I’m reminded, and I realize it’s not so bad, it’s actually great, because if you’re looking up to a Father who sees everything, even the things that disqualify us, and still He includes us in His blessings, then the answer is still YES, it’s unfair. It’s unfair that we get what we don’t deserve. Besides, to rest in His love is to know that no injustice will defeat you. This is something I wrestle with a lot.

But I’m not complaining. Because now I see things as beautifully unfair. Beautifully unfair in our favor. It’s our role to take that and help the least and greatest of us realize that life is beautifully unfair in their favor too.

It’s Not About What You Think You Deserve. It’s About Who You Choose.


This is part 2 of my five part relationship series. These are opinions NOT expert advice.

To read all 5:
1. It’s About What’s Most Important?
2. It’s Not About What You Think You Deserve. It’s About Who You Choose
3. It’s About What You Got Across Not What You Think You Said or Did
4. It’s About Infinite Possibilities Not Minimum Requirements
5. It’s About Whatever It Takes

A Little More on Value
I’ve written quite a bit on a variety of topics with only the concept of VALUE tying all of them together. One thing I noticed, based on the feedback I get with each post, is that people seem to respond most to the ones about family and relationships. It’s just more proof that deep down, whether consciously or unconsciously, relationships are what we value most.

Think about it, on their deathbed, no one ever wished they played more Playstation, or ate more burritos, or earned more money. What we regret are the relationships we should have paid more attention to, the thank yous and I love yous we should have said, the sons and daughters we should have parented, and the dreams we should have shared.

I guess that’s the important thing about marking your values clearly, because when you do you can head towards it, when you don’t two things usually happen: you never get what you want because you don’t know, or worse, you get what you think you’ve always wanted and realize that it wasn’t worth it. The words “worth” and “value” are very closely connected. What’s valuable will always be worth it.

Clarifications on Value
I got some comments that I found interesting enough to address here because some of you might have similar questions. Here goes:

1. This is a great article for guys – I don’t know about the article being “great”. It’s just my opinion, and again, from a non-expert. Second, I wrote this for both men and women. The whole value thing won’t work if one person values the other but is not valued as well. Someone’s bound to burnout or become a martyr or get hurt. That’s not a sustainable situation.

2. You can’t jump to conclusions – Just because someone’s too tired to drive doesn’t mean they don’t value you. Maybe they’re really just too tired. This is a very very valid point raised by none other than my mother. And she’s right about this. My example needs qualifying. If let’s say you’re in a relationship, and you know that someone’s too tired to drive you, because you value him or her you put them ahead and make them rest. In the same way, if he or she values you they’ll do their best to serve you. But the reality stays that people have their limits, emotionally and even physically, but when you have two people valuing each other they adjust without feeling unvalued because they’re secure that the other holds them as most important even when they’re limitations become apparent. Having said that, a pattern of mistreatment is obvious proof that someone doesn’t value you or you don’t value someone.

3. All nice and sweet but people are humans and make mistakes. How can you say that making a mistake in a relationship means that person doesn’t value the person – This is a great point! No one can say they’ve never hurt anyone – especially me. Hurting someone doesn’t mean you don’t value that person, it only means that on that specific moment, whatever you were doing was more important. For example, when I say something tactless, which I do a lot, it just means that airing my opinion is more important to me than the feelings of someone else. This doesn’t necessarily mean I don’t value that person, just not as much as I should at that moment.

The problem is when the pattern of our life is one that takes the truly valuable things for granted. Some might argue that values are relative, and they’d be correct to an extent, but at the very least we should know what’s personally important to us, and live a life that moves towards that.

What about our mistakes? No one’s perfect. We will all make mistakes. What hope do we have?

I remember my dad explaining a critical component of relationships; it’s what reconciles us and allows us to enjoy the benefits of a valued relationship despite the reality that we are flawed and will make mistakes. That component is forgiveness. I’ve realized that forgiveness is more than just getting a clean slate. Forgiveness is another chance to enjoy that which you really value – and if you take this new chance for granted don’t be surprised if someday you’ll lose it, maybe even completely.

The simple point of the whole value thing is this:

KNOW AND DEFINE WHAT YOU VALUE. LIVE A LIFE THAT REFLECTS WHAT YOU VALUE. AND WHEN YOU MAKE A MISTAKE, CORRECT AND GO BACK – IF IT’S NOT TOO LATE.

4. I wish my boyfriend thought this way – when I was writing this, I wasn’t thinking about how I wish my partner would be like. I was writing this as a reminder to myself to be the type of person who knows who and what he values, and to be the type of person who enjoys the privilege of cultivating the valuable things in his life. I didn’t write this for people to use as a standard to compare their partners to, I wrote this as a guide for myself. I can’t say that everyday of my life is faultlessly value-based. A lot of it, maybe even most of it right now, isn’t. But I have a guide, and slowly but surely, in time, I’ll be deciding more based on what’s really valuable to me and not have as many regrets. Sometimes when I read your email I wonder if you’re talking about someone else and sending it to me by accident. I’m not a great guy that knows these things. I’m, like a work in progress, discovering things as we go along, and trying to make something out of the limited time we have on Earth.

And this leads me to the next portion of this series, and again I have to warn you that this is MY OPINION.

Off Your High Horse
Many times we have this picture of this dream relationship where everything works and is perfect, where everything is fair. I love him, he loves me. I’ll do anything for her, she’ll do anything for me. I write her, she writes me back. It’s perfect…

…until she forgets to text back right away after you sent her a sweet message. Or until you’ve bent over backwards and he’s sleeping on the couch. Or even until he gets fat after you get married, while you work hard to stay slim. Until these things happen, and you’re left asking yourself, what the heck is this???

For me, at least historically, when things get too complicated, that’s the time to press the EJECT button.

But I guess this all starts when we stop thinking about what’s most important TO us and we start thinking about what’s most important FOR us. We start thinking about what we deserve. We start having one of the most dangerous sicknesses you can catch – entitlement.

Entitlement is a dangerous case to have. No one owes us anything – not even the people we’re in relationship with. Sometimes we think guys have to be like this, girls have to be like that, and the truth is they don’t. No one has to give you flowers or cook you dinner. No one has to court you or make it easy for you to court him or her. No one has to do any of that, and you’re not entitled to any of that.

Some of you are asking, “I’m not?”

Nope.

“Then what am I entitled to?”

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

But before you throw stones at me read on. (Besides my hair will soften the impact anyway.)

Here You Go
Love is a gift, not a trade. It isn’t bartered or earned. It is given, and in the case of true love, given completely. Sometimes we forget this, and we start saying things like, “If you truly loved me you would or wouldn’t…”.

You can complete the sentence.

When you give a gift you prepare it and make it special but you don’t expect anything in return. How ridiculous would it be for a kid to attend a party, give his gift, and go feel cheated when all he gets in return is a goodie bag?

“I gave you a Nerf Gun and you gave me lollipops!”

But we’re like that sometimes, always expecting a fair trade. “I did this. You didn’t” “You don’t deserve me!” “I don’t deserve you!” Tit for tat, an eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth is not the recipe of love but of feuds.

So what can I expect then?

Nothing. Nothing but the privilege to love unconditionally, to say “Here you go. You have everything.”

“That sucks, David.”

Why do you think I’m not married?

It’s About Who You Choose
Of course it doesn’t really suck. I’m exaggerating. We do get something, and it’s not necessarily what we think we deserve. We get whom we choose. This is why we need to choose well. This is why we don’t just jump in. This is why counting the cost is important, and there is a cost.

I liked this girl once, and looking back she really was cool, but I remember my dad telling me, (after asking me how I planned to feed her!), “David, no matter how pretty she is she’s going to take a crap someday.” My dad has a way of saying things. I guess this was his way of telling me no one’s perfect, don’t go blind, see things as they are.

Of course choosing well can mean different things to different people but here are two things I think are important:

1. Shared values – Do you agree on what the most important non-negotiable things are?
2. Shared love – Do you even like each other? Do you both put each other first?

For some funny reason we’re back to the questions “What’s most important?” and “Who is most important?” Trying to make sense of this, I’ve realized whom we choose reflects what’s important to us. We’re attracted to what’s important to us. So know for sure what’s important to you and choose well. As I said in another blog “everything costs something but not everything is priced right”. Choose the one you value most, know the cost, and pay it in full no matter how expensive. As I also said in another, “But you can never go wrong with the priceless things. They’ll always be a steal.”

It’s About What’s Most Important

Paolo Punzalan recently mentioned me on his blog on relationships. I don’t know why he suggested me as having insight on this (maybe because my views are entertainingly controversial), but I’ve been getting some questions regarding relationships on my email, Facebook, and formspring. So to answer all your questions more efficiently here are my thoughts on how to make a relationship work. I do have to make it clear from the start that I’m really no expert on this, so don’t go taking this as expert opinion. This is MY opinion on a subject I am historically known to be NOT very good at. But I’m learning, and over the next few weeks I’ll be posting 5 lessons I’ve learned so far:

1. It’s About What’s Most Important?
2. It’s Not About What You Think You Deserve. It’s About Who You Choose
3. It’s About What You Got Across Not What You Think You Said or Did
4. It’s About Infinite Possibilities Not Minimum Requirements
5. It’s Not About Formulas and Benchmarks. It’s About Whatever It Takes

Ok, here we go…

It’s About What’s Most Important?
Of course I had to stick in the word VALUE at the very top, because relationships are about what’s most important to you or what’s valuable to you. A lady from the microfinance group I’m a  part of emailed me the other day asking about some life decisions. I told her to ask herself, “What’s most important to me?” and to order clearly the hierarchy of importance in her life. Because what we value affects our decision making. When something is important to us we naturally try to bring ourselves closer. When something is NOT valuable to us we naturally stay away or forget something even exists. It’s like the kid who can’t remember his subjects but can remember the stats of his sports heroes. It’s not a question of memory. It’s a question of value.

In a relationship, you need to be able to say that, after God, she’s the most valuable thing to you, and your decision-making, and your execution of your decisions (your actions) should show it. My dad always encouraged my brothers and I to make the big decision, because the smaller decisions become easy when you make the big decision. He used to say that it’s easy to choose what to wear to work when you’ve already chosen to actually go to work. In the same way, many people find it hard to do the little things for the person they’re supposed to love simply because they’ve never made a conscious decision to set her aside as most important.

If we’re impatient with someone it only means we value our impatience more than we value the person. If we’re angry at someone it only means we value our anger more than that person. If we’d rather sleep than drive for our wives or girlfriends it only means that we value how tired we are or our convenience more than them. This is hard to accept but it’s true. When I am misbehaving towards someone, I can give every reason I think is valid, but the bottom line is I value my reasons more than that person. Because IF the person is MOST valuable, than she should be MORE valuable than my reasons no matter how valid they are. Again it’s hard to accept, even for me. But when I think about the reasons why my dates never went past a few months the answer is the same, while I always try to make a positive contribution in the lives of others, at that moment, what was most important was… drumroll… ME.

Are You Ready?
I remember once being asked at a talk (why I get asked to talk on relationships is a mystery to me), “How do you know if you’re ready for a relationship?” And I answered:

When you’re ready to put her before you. When you’re ready to put her needs before your needs, her wants before your wants, her dreams before yours, her comfort before yours, her feelings before yours, her convenience before yours. When you’re ready to lay your life down that’s when you know you’re ready.

Of course I followed this up with, “And that’s how I know I’m absolutely NOT ready.”

Insecure Value
Sometimes I come across people who are so insecure about where they stand in a relationship and I realize it’s because they themselves and / or their partners have never settled in their hearts that the other is most important. When what’s most important isn’t decided on, everything becomes negotiable. I can go out and get drunk because he offended me. I can text others since we’re not cheating anyway. I can gossip to my friends because he’s a butt. All of a sudden we can negotiate in our mind to do the things that will hurt the person because we have never really set them aside as valuable – meaning even their value is negotiable – they’re only valuable as long as they do as we like. I’m so grateful our Father is not like that. Because, while I have decided on my values, sometimes I find myself negotiating and rationalizing my mistakes. But our Father, He doesn’t negotiate our value. He has marked us as important to Him even when we fall short, and that is why His love never fails. God’s love doesn’t change with our roller coaster of a life. It actually reminds me of Shakespeare’s very famous Sonnet 116:

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth’s unknown, although his height be taken.
Love’s not Time’s fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle’s compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

Love never alters. It doesn’t bend. It is an ever-fixed mark that is never shaken. When that’s the love you enjoy you’ll be secure.

Someday There’ll Be Treasure
Someday, I’m going to type her name on this blog, and like a white flag waving, that will signal my fall. When that day comes I have to surrender and say, “You’re most important now.” There will be times when I won’t get my way, but that’s ok, she’s most important. There will be days when I won’t understand, but I’ll have to trust, because she’s most important. There will be days when I’ll get mad (maybe a lot of days with my impatience), but I’ll have to swallow my pride, prepare a peace offering, and apologize to the one who is most important to me. Just typing this is making me dizzy, but then I realize I won’t have to worry, because I’ll be what’s most important to her, and as the Bible says: perfect love casts out all fear.

4 Turnaround Lessons

I’ve spent most of the day looking at financial statements. One of the things I’m doing now is working on the turnaround of Issho Genki Interntional, the producers and distributors of the most trusted brand of Squalene (which is currently a small yet growing category). We’re not completely out of the woods yet, but this last quarter is looking very positive for Issho Genki. We have improved enough to make me a little more comfortable with writing about the lessons we have learned from our mistakes. There are actually a lot of lessons I would like to share but I’ll start with these four.

What Do You Love?
Squalene is a natural antioxidant which protects and enhances the body’s cells. I’ve been taking the thing for about 15 years now and love the stuff. So aside from the challenge and necessity, loving the product was an attraction to me. I’m not really a salesman. I can’t sell anyone anything. What I am is a highly contagious sick man. When I fall sick in love with something I’m going to infect you with it if you hang around me long enough.

Turn Around Lesson #1: Work on something you’re passionate about. Turnarounds have a lot of baggage that can distract and discourage you. Working on something you’re passionate about helps keep you motivated. While need is a great motivator, never underestimate someone who is madly in love.

Go Treasure Hunting
Issho Genki used to be a very popular supplement brand but dropped out of people’s consciousness when management was not able to transition well into retail outlets. It’s a classic case of a business that did well, overspent, didn’t change relevantly, and descended. The good part though is that there was a lot to work with, such as the brand recall due to its, at the time I took over, 13 year existence, historically large distributor base, high-quality manufacturing base in Japan, and existing distribution relationships with Mercury Drug, Watsons, and other retailers and customers. The most important thing the company had though was some really trustworthy and hardworking people that made the chance of a turnaround possible.

Turn Around Lesson #2: Look for the pieces of value. These are things you’ll be able to work with and build on. What are the assets? (Of course depreciate accurately!) How much cash? (This is your blood. Even if people owe you, you run out of cash, you’re dead.) Can you use your assets to generate cash? (Either through sales or as collateral) In our case, we didn’t have any hard assets aside from a very nebulous concept of brand goodwill. We had no way of accurately measuring this so working with that was a step of faith. We also didn’t have a lot of cash. We had a third of what we needed to survive month 1. (That month was very stressful for me!) But what we did have other than the brand were good people who made the sales happen and extended payables and stretched and stretched. Good people are always a great asset.

Cut the Fat
When I walked into my corner office on the 25th floor of a nice commercial building in one of Metro Manila’s business districts I had the following thoughts in sequence:

1. Wow. This is cool.
2. This is really big. Too big.
3. This must be expensive.
4. This has to go.

One problem businesses have as they go along is that they take on too much fat. That’s actually like us humans. Hehe. We take on so much unwanted baggage that weigh and slow us down, or worse, choke our organs which kills us. We had to do a lot of cost cutting in Issho Genki, more than a third of our operating expenses. This also meant there were contracts we could not renew, people we could not hire, perks we could not enjoy, and rewards that had to be differed. Of course not everyone was happy – including me. But you have to do what you have to do.

Turn Around Lesson #3: Cut the fat. Look in the mirror and see where everything is starting to sag and cut those parts out. (I’m in no way suggesting liposuction. I’m talking figuratively.) While Lesson #1 is to work on something you’re passionate about, don’t mistake the fat for the purpose. Fat are the unnecessary things or parts or even functions we’ve accumulated that no longer effectively contribute to your purpose or bottom-line. So to cut the fat you should have a well-defined purpose for your organization. I see this so many times in business and even non-profits where everyone wants to do everything, so there are so many people accumulating fat, and no one can recognize what’s fat anymore because there is no clearly defined purpose. So define the purpose based on what’s important to you (values) and what doesn’t fit is fat. Cut that. Some people can afford to go on a diet. We couldn’t. We had to have surgery. So we did just that.

Who’s Your Daddy?
I was 23 years old when I took over a company that was closing down. When I look back I really had no idea what I was doing. They say that sometimes not knowing is actually better so that you don’t know what to be afraid of. I don’t know if that’s true. I didn’t know what I was doing, but I was really scared. More people would have seen it if my repertoire of facial expressions was more than just a smirk, but in my gut I was really really scared. I was scared because I knew that I didn’t have what it takes to make this work, and this is what led me to what I consider my life’s greatest lesson: Run to God.
 

Turn Around Lesson #4: This isn’t from the business books, but it’s really from my life manual: run to God and wait on Him. There were days when I would go to the office at 6am just to pray for a miracle. That somehow something would happen that day and we would live to fight another day. I would walk around our empty office and say “Father, please help Beth with the finances. Please help Guada with administration. Help Lolit with logisitcs.” I would pray for everyone and everything, and guess what? Most of what I prayed for didn’t happen. Hehe. But better things came along. Life lessons instead of quick profits. Humility instead of promotions. Contentment instead of abundance. Peace beyond understanding. These, along with the knowledge that my Father is watching over me, fixing my mistakes, redeeming my wrongs, forgiving my sins, and surely preparing a place for me, these are my profits.


Money is useful, but these experiences, they’re priceless.
And life is not being able to afford the numbers on the price tags. Life is about discovering what’s really priceless and enjoying them fully.

…By the way, while there’s still a lot to do, sales are up and expenses are down. That’s always a good sign.

Never Say Never

First written as a guest post on Liz Claudio’s Blog.

Most of the people who know me know that I spend my Saturday mornings at the Real LIFE Foundation’s feeding program where we feed and play games with kids every week at our eco-friendly facility in Pasig. Despite usually having only 3 staff members there, Real LIFE is able to pull this off with a lot of help from volunteers and the LIFE Scholars, young men and women of leadership, integrity, faith, and excellence whose educations are sponsored by Real LIFE.

While at I was at last Saturday’s feeding, I was talking with one of the LIFE Scholars when, while talking about how much we both loved kids, he asked me a question from my personal FAQ (frequently asked questions):

Scholar: Planning to have some of your own soon?

Me (sidestepping the question): You? Haha!

Scholar: I never want to have any.

Me: You don’t? But you’re good with kids.

Scholar: I’ve thought about it, and I don’t want my children to experience what happened to me because of my dad. I don’t want to make them go through what my dad made me go through.

When I heard him say this I really felt something inside drop, not so much because he didn’t want to have kids, but more because of his reason: “I don’t want my children to experience what happened to me because of my dad. I don’t want to make them go through what my dad made me go through.” Here was this wonderful young man, smart, hardworking, determined, can run 5k in 15 minutes (that’s fast by the way), telling me that his reason for not wanting to have children was his fear of following in his father’s footsteps.

And many of us have similar fears.

Fears that we’ll become like our predecessors.

Fears that we won’t.

Fears that we’ll make the same mistakes.

Fears that we won’t reach the same heights.

Fears of never being able to break the limitations they’ve lived with and passed on to you.

Fears that we will drop the baton when it’s our turn.

We have our own versions that have trapped us in Never-land–not the one from J.M. Barrie’s Peter Pan, but a lie cooked-up in hell–that we will never fulfill a dream because it’s too big, that we will never make a wish since it won’t come true anyway, or that we will never break through because no one has.

But as I said, that’s a lie–a lie that has no power over us unless we let it capture our hearts and minds.

So let me tell you the truth, and this is what I told my young friend earlier: Never say never. Because the things we call impossible today will be reality tomorrow, just like the things once declared impossible. Here are some examples:

“Well informed people know it is impossible to transmit the voice over wires and that were it possible to do so, the thing would be of no practical value.” — The Boston Post, 1865

“There’s no chance that the iPhone is going to get any significant market share. No chance. It’s a $500 subsidised item. They may make a lot of money. But if you actually take a look at the 1.3 billion phones that get sold, I’d prefer to have our software in 60% or 70% or 80% of them, than I would to have 2% or 3%, which is what Apple might get.” — Steve Ballmer, USA Today, 2007

“I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.” –Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943.

“A rocket will never be able to leave the Earth’s atmosphere.” –New York Times, 1936.

“We will never make a 32-bit operating system.” — Bill Gates, speaking at the launch of MSX in 1983.

These statements seem dumb today but these were made by respected experts who knew what they were talking about–or so they thought.

Sometimes the world seems like an impossible place to realize the dreams and imaginations of our hearts and minds, but never say never. Never say you’ll never make it, because you don’t know what breakthrough is waiting for you. Never say you’ll never be successful; you don’t know what great thing has been prepared for you to achieve. Just because no one can see it, doesn’t mean you can’t do it. Just because you don’t know, doesn’t mean you won’t discover. And just because you never have, doesn’t mean you never will.

An Infinite Number of Lives

Dinner Has Changed
The theme of Cinema Paradiso plays as I enjoy another late dinner by myself. I couldn’t have asked for better background music. I really enjoyed that movie, and the score is one of my favorites. Sometimes I feel like a character in a coming-of-age film, fortunately stumbling along through life experiencing all the mistakes, hurts, losses, and lessons along the way.

Life for me has changed a lot, and it has gotten very interesting – my catch-all word for stressful, challenging, worrying, stretching, strengthening, character building, and maturing. Most days start early in the morning with the sunlight acting as a natural alarm clock, then its prayer, oil-pulling, breakfast (when I remember), and off to work. I go through a list of things to do for Issho Genki, naturalhealth.ph, and some other opportunities, as well as taking some time for my non-profit involvements. Sometimes I have lunch but lately I’ve been forgetting, so I put an alarm on my phone to remind me, but I somehow messed-up the alarm so it rings at 4pm. I haven’t gotten around to fixing it. So aside from the granola bars I eat all day, dinner is really the only regular meal I have.

And even dinner has changed.

Just a few months ago, while still living in my parents’ house, I could expect a yummy home cooked meal every evening. These days, I usually eat at one of the cheap restaurants near my building or stick to a mixture of no-cook food on paper plates. I finally bought glasses last week, so now I can enjoy my favorite full-cream milk in something other than a plastic cup. Once in a while I treat myself to something a little more expensive, but it’s true what they say about earning your keep, when you’ve worked so hard you just don’t want to spend it away.

But despite having less conveniences, less food, less security (more like no security), and less of all the comforts I used to enjoy, I feel alive – and isn’t that what life is about? To do more than take up space on the planet, but to know and feel in your heart that you’re participating in this great story’s unraveling. That your living out your story within His-story.

That’s the one point I hope you catch in this post: live your story.

Live Your Story
I love stories. I love reading them, hearing about them, and watching them, and I love writing my own. And while I have my favorites, I’ve realized that all stories are incomparable. You can’t compare The Godfather to The Little Prince, neither can you say Il Postino was better than Legends of the Fall.

They’re all good stories.

But sometimes we do this with each other and ourselves, comparing stories and making pronouncements on which one’s better. Your story is better because you’ve made fewer mistakes. My story beats yours because I’ve traveled more. Your story isn’t worth anything because you don’t have money. You ruined your story when you were arrested, or when you got pregnant, or because you went bankrupt. We rank our stories according to conventions, unforgiving conventions that trap us.

But there’s no use comparing stories since every story is unique, and different, and special because every story is a life with a spirit, soul, and body, that’s maybe very differently oriented than yours but also created by God. I’ve decided to stop playing story judge. Instead, I’d rather be like a child that listens wide-eyed to everything from flying elephants and brave soldiers to martyrs and romances. It’s also helped that I’m more aware of my own limitations, stink, and weaknesses, and I want to be forgiving, hoping that someday people will be forgiving as well. Because when I’m really honest with myself, when I pray at night, all I can say is, “Father, here’s my story. It isn’t much. But it’s yours if you’ll take it. Please redeem it. Fix it.” There’s enough in my own story to work on. Why busy myself policing others?

Fathers of Three Boys
The man who delivers the paper to my parents’ house has been doing the same thing for a while. He used to come in a bike but now he’s upgraded to a scooter – one that’s big enough to hold him and his own 3 boys. I saw them once, packed tight one after the other on the scooter, and I wondered to myself what that must feel like. Then I had an impression, “It’s different isn’t it? It’s something else.”

I thought about that: “It’s different.”

Here was a man, just like my dad a father, of 3 boys too, working to put food on the table, married for sure, so many similarities but – different. They don’t have our cars but we don’t know the thrill of riding behind our dad on a scooter. They don’t have Bulla Bars in the freezer like my mom likes to have, but there’s something, many things actually, in their story that’s not in mine. It’s different. Again, it’s incomparable. One is not better than the other. It’s just different.

An Infinite Number of Lives
Wakes are supposed to be a sad place, not a time for inspiration. But a few weeks ago, while walking out of the wake of Chip’s brother, Jaco, I couldn’t stop thinking about the words printed on a photo of Jaco his mom, Tita Sony, handed me:

“There’s been an infinite variety of lives. Who’s to say his was any less worth living than all the others?”

There are an infinite number of lives. Yours, mine, lives of those who have gone before us, and lives waiting to begin, all different, all unique, all priceless, and all worth living just the same.

Clarifications

Some of you have probably seen the articles on the newspaper featuring me as an “MVP”. This is part of Pharmaton’s campaign to encourage more people to make valuable contributions to society. I liked the campaign because I’ve always believed that private institutions can and should use their resources to help the public good in a way that also makes sense from a marketing perspective. I say this because I believe that for any relationship to work, whether it’s a marriage, a friendship, for work, or even for inter-organizational or inter-sectoral areas, it has to be a win-win situation. You cannot sustain a relationship when one party is always winning and the other is always losing. This is something we’ve always realized and respected in the foundations we are a part of: collaborate and look for a win-win. Based on the feedback and participation of people in the Pharmaton MVP campaign, I would say this is a good example of big business serving the public good as well as their private bottom-line – which isn’t a bad thing since they’re a business after all.

There are two things I want to say though regarding the campaign, two things I want to clarify. Sometimes, well actually, many times, media makes things bigger than they really are and more amazing than reality and that’s why I’m writing this.

First things first, I didn’t found or co-found Real LIFE. Dr. Joey Castro did when he started helping the students in Pasig. It wasn’t called Real LIFE yet. It wasn’t called anything. But the spirit of what would become Real LIFE began with him back then, and it’s the spirit where seeds are planted. My involvement started when I graduated from the Ateneo and joined Dr. Joey to help “organize” (if that’s what you call organizing) his program into a foundation that was named Real LIFE. I guess this is where the mixup happens, because not many people knew about what Dr. Joey was doing before the whole Real LIFE “institutionalizing” and “branding” took effect and had Doc and I closely associated. I want to be clear about this, not because this matters to Doc, the guy is the humblest man I know and doesn’t care about these things, but because it matters to me that Doc gets the credit he deserves.

Second, aside from Doc’s work, Real LIFE has grown as fast as it has thanks to the leadership of Lynn Nawata and our very hardworking team Sony, Vince, Rhia (who was our first team member), and Ariel. I recently had lunch with Doc and we were talking about how proud we are of this team, and how they’ve taken Real LIFE to a level of organizational excellence the two of us could never have brought it to. The Real LIFE Center stands today because of their handwork, as well as the dedication of Mailleen Hern who recently passed away. We have more scholars than ever because of them too. The LIFE Program exists because of their research and execution. Again, this doesn’t matter to them, but it matters to me that they get the credit.

Some of you might ask, “So what was your part?” Well, I was the big-haired guy in the video. Seriously, the way I see it, Doc lit a candle, which I took and set a few hearts on fire, which Lynn and the team took and turned it into a flamethrower.

I’m writing this so that we won’t miss the essence of the Pharmaton MVP campaign, which is all about celebrating the contributions of everybody and highlighting that each of us in our own way can make a difference. You don’t have to do something big, you can start small. You don’t have to be special, you’re already a valuable part of the mix. I’m also writing this so that people don’t start thinking I’m this super guy – which is an expectation I’m bound to let down. I’m just blessed to have worked with good people and to be a part of things greater than me. Other than that there really is nothing big about me.

Well, maybe except my hair.

Helen

I wrote this in August of 2007. I was 23 years old.

I was suppose to meet up with some friends but felt like I really didn’t want to see too many people I knew, so I decided to have a quiet dinner with a book on global corruption (A Game As Old As Empire – read it, it’s very interesting), and my journal to write and draw on. I went to look at art materials after (I’m suppose to be an artist now, so I can rationalize these purchases) and realized that the only color I needed was the color they lacked – White! I found it really interesting when the salesgirl tried to sell me something else in place of white:

Salesgirl: Sorry sir, we don’t have white eh.
Me: That’s alright. Thanks.
Salesgirl: We have a lot of black if you like.
Me: That’s ok. Thank you.
Salesgirl: How about brown sir?

I figured it was late, and she had been working the whole day, that she no longer remembered that you can’t paint a “white” flower with “black” or “brown” paint. I did appreciate her very pleasant attitude and willingness to help me. (Maybe she thought I painted with bleach.)

My last stop was suppose to be a bookstore that I frequent on lazy nights. The manager is very friendly and never fails to ask me what my new “escapade” is, and always asking questions about Afghanistan. He’s much older, turning 59 this year I believe, and reads about almost anything (this is why we get along). Since it was nearing closing time I asked him if he would like to have coffee for a bit. He thought that was a good idea, closed shop, and we sat down with some cappuccino for him and tea for me.

I had a great time conversing with him on a multiple of disciplines and arenas, from art, to classical music and opera, to history, religion, and polictics and economics. In conversations like this, I prefer to listen and ask questions. By virtue of the fact that the guy has been alive more than twice as long as I have, he’s got to have more to say. I found his stories very interesting, and I was happy to talk to someone who appreciated Debussy, Saint-Saens, Hosseini, and Chernow as much as I.

Then I asked him if there was a family he went home to, and he said there was none. That really changed the mood of things. Sometimes I wonder why I ask these things. Reminds me of when Stephen and I grilled one of his employees on which of his two girlfriends he loved more. (That’s a differnt story.)

He told me that he had never gotten married. I asked him why not, and I will never forget his answer, nor the longing in his face as he told me, “There was someone once. She was a ship that came and passed. What went wrong? We started thinking about the ‘what fors’ and lost the ‘what ifs’.” I appreciate style, but I normally like to talk in English, so I asked him to explain.

We talked about how at the start of things, their relationship was all about the what ifs. It was all about the possibilities. “What if we do this? What if we take a trip? What if we settle down here or buy a house there?” Everything was an option as long as they were together. But the realities of life eroded what they had, and the impracticality of the possibilities removed initial considerations. Situations and circumstances proved less than ideal. At the end of it all, they found themselves questioning what they had. “What is all of this for? Is all the effort worth it?”

I guess they didn’t think so. They’d probably be together if they thought otherwise.

He did leave me with some take home. He told me, “Never trade the possibilities for the practical compromises. Mediocrity is Monstrosity. You can not settle. All the masters, from painters to singers to athletes to heroes, there is a passion, almost an obsession, for something, sometimes something unattainable. That is why they’re masters. Either you give it everything or you don’t. When you hold back, your expectations will never be met, and you will inenvitably question what, that thing you once enjoyed, is for.” (I never got to ask him if he noticed that a lot of the “masters” were depressed and quite unstable. He could have told me that the “what ifs” are basically his stylized way of talking about the possibilities, and the “what fors” are the questions he asked when things got difficult. )

I paid for the bill and I thanked him for an interesting conversation. Then I went home, tried to type this blog, practiced piano, and went to bed.

I remember asking him what her name was.
Lost in his thoughts, with a faraway look, he told me, “Her name was Helen.”

Sakura

I like waking to sunlight streaming through my window. I like to think of it as Heaven’s way of saying good morning to me. But there are times when the mornings aren’t good, and the rest of the day doesn’t really improve, and the evenings, sometimes they are like capstones on a grave.

But to live is to wake-up everyday, and to wake-up is to rise to reality – the parts we enjoy and the parts we don’t.

The past few months, since I moved out, I have gotten into this habit of just lying on my bed and staring at the metallic form of a fire sprinkler on my ceiling. Every evening before I sleep and every morning, I take some time to stay this way, staring up, lost in my thoughts – and there’s a forest of thoughts to get lost in.

Maybe that’s why my hair grows out in all directions, like extensions of my dendrites. Anyway…

One of the thoughts I’ve been thinking about is the idea of “the end”. Not necessarily death, but the conclusion of something.

Everything ends. Everything has an expiry date. Everything has a limit.

But let me share a simple thought I had when visiting my friend Mark’s mother on her last days at Medical City. I’m hoping it will help you as much as it has helped me.

Early one morning, I got a call from Mark asking me if I could ask my dad to pray for his mom. She had been fighting cancer for many years, praying, getting healed, improving, relapsing, and suffering again, but always in faith, and always with that peace beyond all understanding. My dad couldn’t go so I went instead. Mark is a friend, and his mom, Tita Charrie, is an amazing woman. I had visited her before when she could still talk, and she was always very engaging and hopeful. But that morning, when I walked into her room I knew something was very different. Her family was not there during the short period that I visited, they had to do a few things but were on their way back, so it was just Tita Charrie, the nurse, and I. My heart sank leaving a hollow feeling on my chest. And through that pit drained the little faith I had left.

I thought to myself, “God, how could you let this happen? Where is the reward of faith? Where are the answers to prayers?”

I couldn’t bring myself to pray, it just didn’t seem like any of my petitions would be answered anyway. So I sat down at the bench beside her bed, and leaned my head on the wall while I gathered myself. As I turned my head, to my right, sitting on the window ledge, I saw a tiny light violet clock. On its face was its brand: SAKURA.

Sakura. I recognized that word. I had encountered it many times on my trips to Japan. Sakura is what the Japanese call Cherry Blossoms, and every year thousands of people go out to see the Sakura in a tradition that is locally known as Hanami or “flower viewing”.

They celebrate because the Sakura, the Cherry Blossoms, represent spring. New life.

“Open your eyes, David. New life.”

I like how God can get His word through to even the most stubbornly deaf of people – people like me. He knows exactly what to say and He knows exactly how to get your attention.

So I leaned forward, put my hand on her leg, and prayed a simple prayer, because the complex ones seem to be beyond me, “Father, bring new life to this situation.” I can’t forget how she turned her head to look at me, smiling through the tube in her mouth, she lifted her arm slightly and waved. Looking back, she was probably saying goodbye, saying it the way we do to friends we know we’re going to see again.

I left that morning reminded of what Tita Charrie always knew, that even as the seasons change and bring many things to an end, because life and all it contains is fleeting, there is a Spring that ushers in new life, an amazing life without end.

Ladies & Gentlemen Your Response Please

Once in a while, we find the past making an appearance in our present. Like a movie flashback we find ourselves reliving a memory long dormant and forgotten.

That’s exactly how I felt standing in front of one of the halls in Teachers Camp, Baguio. As I looked through the dusty windows of the empty room, I remembered very vividly a scene from many year back as a young nervous boy:

It was the night of the camp ball, I had been selected Mr. Campference, and as is the tradition, I was to have the first dance with the year’s Ms. Campference  - a much taller girl. Growing up, I was always the smallest in my class. I was tiny come to think of it. I can’t begin to describe how scared I was to walk out there and dance with a giant of a female in front of everyone. To me, back then, that was the scariest moment of my life.

I still feel that way, like a schoolboy dancing with responsibilities much too big for him. Sometimes as the music plays, the weight of supporting her through the dizzying turns and steps can get very tiring.

People ask, “Why take on responsibility in the first place? Why bear the burden for others? Why complicate your life?” I don’t really have an answer for them. I see responsibility differently.

To me, to be responsible is to respond. Respond to what? To the needs of people around us and also to the opportunities presented. It’s like that yema boy I wrote about, who, without saying a word, asked me, “David. David. Your response please?” Or when I was asked to join Habitat for Humanity or Real LIFE, “David. David. Your response please?” How do you know that you’re the one to respond? You’ll know if you’re listening, because need and opportunity call you by name. But you have to be listening because everyday there are calls coming out for help, for food, for a chance, for forgiveness, for leadership, for strength, for hope, for love. There’s so many calls that you’re bound to hear one calling you specifically and you can’t miss it, because it’s saying  your name over and over and it’s asking, “your response please.”

So for those of you responding I’d like to encourage you with what I shared in Baguio, in that same room that once scared me. Here are 5 short points on HOW to respond.

1. Make love our motivation – While we respond to need and opportunity, let it be our love for people or our passion for a concern or cause that drives us. There are so many needs and so much opportunity, a good way to know which one is for us is to check our hearts and ask ourselves, “Do I love this?”

2. Make vision our guide – To respond to a need or opportunity usually means to enter a situation that’s not ideal – probably far from ideal – and that’s why there’s a need or opportunity in the first place. There’s something missing, something we can bring to the picture. That’s why we have to see the big and greater picture, a picture we remind ourselves when things get challenging – and they always will because nothing worth doing is without challenge.

3. Make discipline our practice – Our passion and our vision should lead to consistent action. This is one area I need a lot of improvement in. It’s nice and fun to  be involved in something we like. It’s nice and fun to dream big. But it’s the daily steps and ceaseless plodding that takes us closer and closer to these targets. Unless love and vision are applied in action, they will never produce the masterpieces they were intended to create.

4. Make joy your strength – There is a different energy that comes over us when we’re enjoying what we’re doing. Our work becomes fun, and what’s fun we can sustain longer. Responsibilities don’t always have to be tiring and tedious. We can enjoy the growth, the learning, the discovery, and relationships.

5. Make faith your hope – No matter how motivated we are, no matter how grand or precise our vision, no matter how disciplined we are, and no matter how much satisfaction we derive, we will all face a challenge that’s much much much bigger than us. This is why we need faith in God, that we know we can place our hope in Him and trust that what is too big for us will never be too big for Him, not our responsibilities, not our limitations, not our sins, not our failures, nothing.

As we traveled back to Manila after just 6 hours in Baguio, I was filled with gratefulness to God for even including me in this amazing thing He has designed called life. I know I don’t deserve a spot on the team. I would never make the cut. When I’m very honest with myself I’m reminded, that if I were to take them, I’d fail the leadership test, the integrity test, the faith test, and the excellence test. But that’s the amazing thing. Despite all my shortcomings, there’s a call with my name on it, and it’s not asking if I’m ready. It’s asking for a response.

Grand Symphony

Like a stone press
You crush me
To no more

Like an olive
I give you
Pure worship
- Painful Prayer

Not many people know that I love music. I like it just as much as I like running, and painting, and writing, probably even more. One of the things I miss most is having a piano at home. I used to play everyday, as soon as I woke up, when I got home, after dinner, I’d just let it all out and say everything I wanted to. There was even a time when I took up the violin, which is my second favorite instrument. A violin is like a woman. It has no frets, so you’re always feeling your way. Play her wrong and she squeaks painfully. Hehe. Just kidding. Maybe not.

Anyway…

I was never good with a violin, but I’m sure I can still scratch out an ugly Great is Thy Faithfulness. I love that song. I loved that song as a child, but now that I’m older, now that I understand, I cling on to its truth to get through each day.

When the artificial support systems of our life are removed, when the things we trusted in are disappearing, when the saviors we hoped for disappoint, and the dreams of our hearts seem more distant than ever, as our circumstances and our own sins blow us further into a hostile open sea, it’s always good to hold on to that the anchoring truth of the faithfulness of God.

It’s easy to lose sight of this. It’s easy to miss a lot of things.

But on most nights, when I settle down to write, I can hear many things the hustle of a busy day masks. The low hum of the ceiling lights, the spinning fan of the exhaust, the slow swaying of full-length blinds, and the beating of my anxious heart, all clearly moving to an eclectic melody that is my life.

And what a grand symphony exists: my melody, with yours, and the guard’s in the lobby, and the little girl’s, who’s hearing her mother’s own melody as she is kissed goodnight, mixed in with the melodies of six billion lives, all timed to the beats of six billion hearts, available for us to enjoy when we simply take the time to listen.

Sometimes, when I don’t know what I want to listen to, when I can’t think of the perfect song, when there’s no piano within reach, I just lie down on my bed, hands behind my head, and listen. And again, I am reminded, what a grand symphony exists.

My Big Mistake

“The business of making a difference is not exclusive to the perfect – in fact, if you were to look closely at the people who have made some of the biggest contributions to humanity, you’d almost think it’s exclusive to the imperfect and to seriously flawed people – and you’d be right. Because these are the ones who took chances, made mistakes, suffered consequences, learned, made more mistakes, more consequences, learned more, and ended up with…

… discovery. I love that word. Partly because it starts with the letter “D” (which is absolutely my favorite letter), but because it means something was unveiled. That in the process of stepping out, falling, hurting, learning, rising, and on, something was revealed, a truth that gives you another chance, another better chance. And when that truth is spread it shares that better chance with others.”
- Housekeeping

I’m very excited to share with you. This is one topic I can confidently say I have much experience with: mistakes. When we talk about mistakes, we’re not just talking about Decisions and their subsequent Actions, but we’re looking at a more specific classification, which is “Wrong Decisions and Wrong Actions”.

Mistakes are about wrong decisions and wrong actions – and I make a lot of wrong decisions, and because of this, do a lot of wrong actions. So this makes me quite fit to be your tour guide through this gallery of mistaken individuals.

Sometimes I find myself caught between who I want to become, who others want me to become, and the limitations and flaws of who I really am. And sometimes I see the giants of an industry, or a sector, or a really successful, or behaved person, or just someone who appears to have it all together, and I think to myself, “How am I ever going to be like that? Will I even ever be like that? I can’t even pay my bills!”

Many of you probably can relate.

But take a closer look at these “giants” in their respective vocations, and as we peel off the perceptions, we’ll find people, like you and I, and as is the case whenever there are people, we’ll find mistakes.

But more than the mistakes, and errors, and boo boos, and trips, and sins, and consequences, and hurt, and pain, and regrets, and “never agains”, what I would really like to focus on are two words:

Discovery, no wait, something better – Revelation, that God is revealing things to us through our mistakes. He’s teaching us lessons, strengthening us, and making us realize what’s really important, but most of all, even in the midst of our mistakes, and the consequences, if we look to Him we find He’s revealing Himself to us. This gives me hope, hope I hold on to, that even if I fail to meet the expectations of my family, my employees, my church, my non-profit family, and all the other people who look to me, those who look up to me and down, that I just need to go back to His light and get a fresh revelation of His love.

Which brings us to our next word:

Redemption. Redemption is a beautiful word. It’s a heroic word. It’s a word that reminds me, “David Bonifacio, broke and bankrupt by his mistakes, (his many many mistakes known and in secret) but redeemed by His love.” When we talk about redemption, there is an aspect of value, that when something is re-deemed, it is re-judged and re-evaluated. Maybe some of us have been deemed, judged, and evaluated as failures, or losers, or bankrupt, or indebted, or poor, or greedy, or a cheater, or lazy, or stupid, or corrupt, or unscrupulous, or whatever, but there is hope as we shall see, and we can be re-deemed, re-judged, and re-evaluated as forgiven, accepted, and valuable.

More than mistakes, we can have stories of Revelation and Redemption, and sometimes a series of revelations and redemptions, and forgetting, and another round of revelations and redemptions. And you can call that a roller coaster if you’d like, I prefer to call it life.

How to Make Your Money Last Forever

God never said we couldn’t bring our wealth to Heaven. He actually told us how when He said to deposit our valuables with Him.

But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.
Matthew 6:20

But what can we bring to heaven? Not our money, not our investments, not our things, not even our good intentions, righteous acts, and great accomplishments. So what is there to store? What asset type does heaven accept?

This bring us to what are called Alternative Investments.

Everyday businesses exchange some form of value (such as cash) for another type of value container (such as stocks or bonds or goods). And why do they do this? It’s because they’re trying to create value. Sometimes cash is best. Sometimes stocks move up faster. Other times it’s art that appreciates, or a piece of property, or even Jewelry. The objective is the same, what’s the best investment – meaning what will maximize my earnings given my parameters and risk tolerance. Alternative investments are “alternate” or “substitute” investments to the more traditional asset types (stocks, bonds, and cash). Examples of these are art, property, and jewelry as mentioned above.

For example: You have cash in the bank that makes 8% a year in the bank. Since you understand the art world, you know what pieces will appreciate, so you buy a painting for P100,000. If let’s say someone was willing to buy that painting for P130,000, and you sold it at that price you just made P30,000. Instead of a bank holding your money for a year and making you 8% interest, the art piece became the container of that value, and because it appreciated more you ended up with more value.

Let’s get back to our verse: Store up for yourselves treasures in Heaven. What type of asset class does heaven accept? What’s the right alternative investment we can store?

Relationships.

Risking that I’ll sound too much like my father’s son – which I am in case you forget, but the Bible tells us in plain English the best way to use what we have:

I tell you, use worldy wealth to gain friends for yourselves, so that when it is gone, you will be welcomed into eternal dwellings.
Luke 16:9

So here’s how it works:

You have money, it can be a billion or it can be a peso, or it can be a free afternoon, but if you use what you have to build right and strong relationships through kindness, generosity, giving to the poor, giving to missions, feeding the hungry, sharing your time, or your home, or whatever, what your’e doing is you’re converting what you have into the only asset class heaven accepts: people. When you store your treasure in heaven nothing can destroy and it no one can steal it.

And that’s how you make your money last forever.

Before She Goes Away / Simple Rules to Live By

Before She Goes Away
Every day all of us move one step closer to our inevitable end. With each hour, minute, and second that passes, we are another hour, another minute, another second nearer to death.

Every time I think about the end, I think about the time in between birth and death because that’s the portion that matters. And when you look at the facts you’ll find that the current generations live longer than the people who lived in the past. The world average today is at 67.2 years which is much longer than that of the early 20th century (30-45 years), medieval times (30-35 years), or the historical Greeks and Romans (28 years). In other words, you and I have more time to enjoy life, to make a contribution, and to leave a legacy – that lasting representation we pass on to the next generation. So make the most of it. Like the girl that got away, time is impossible to replace.

Now you’re wondering, “Who got away from you David?”

… If you really have to know, her name is Cording, and she was an incredible cook.

Simple Rules to Live By
Saturday morning is my time for the kids at the Real LIFE Center in Pasig. For those of you who haven’t volunteered yet, visit this site: www.igivetolife.com and start converting your earthly resources into real treasures. (See my last post on How to Make Your Money Last Forever) If you can’t make it donate something. (Like a nice sound system) Haha! Shameless plug – but for a good cause!

The past few months, I’ve been privileged to meet with some of the older kids at the corner McDonalds to talk to them about God. I’ve had to adjust my non-existent budget to accommodate the appetites of 10 kids but it’s worth it. Besides, I’d rather treat kids than a date since they’re more grateful and not so expensive.

Because they are kids, I’ve had to simplify the communication of the Biblical principles we talk about. Sometimes we forget that a principle is a seed, and it’s only when it is planted can it one day give birth to proper action. If you’re wondering why people aren’t acting right check these three things: is the right seed/principle planted? Was it planted/communicated correctly? Has it been given time to grow? The goal with these kids is that someday they’ll outdo, outrun, outbuild, outdream, outgrow, and outshine me, so I really work on the seeds and the planting, trusting that God will help the principles bear fruit in their lives.

So I’d like to share 3 of the simple lessons we’ve talked about (on the days we are actually discussing something and not playing basketball or Counterstrike). Who knows? They may turn out to be fruitful seeds.

1. Parating magpasalamt sa Diyos (Always be grateful to God) – I wanted this to be the foundation of their outlook in life, that they always recognize that God is good.

2. Ibato sa Diyos (Throw it to God) – This is an alternate title for the only thing this mistake-riddled person can preach about: Run to God. Whatever you’re facing, however you’re feeling, run to God.

3. Magtanim ng pagmamahal (Sow love) – Spend every chance you can to sow love into someone’s life through kindness, generosity, and even discipline and perseverance. What you love you will value and protect, and when you sow love you tell others that you will value and protect them.

A Glimmer of Gold
Many times after meeting, I notice the kids still holding on to uneaten hamburgers, saving it for their siblings who don’t share their fortune of eating in a fastfood. And when I see this I know, I know for sure, that the seeds planted will grow into something amazing. It’s a scene that makes my morning and my day. It’s a good reminder that life is full of these golden moments. Sometimes, all it costs is a box of chicken nuggets.

The Best Thing

Celebrating my birthday isn’t a big deal to me. I know it can be quite an event for most people. I usually just go through what I would normally do, which is pray, work, read, practice piano or paint, workout or run or play tennis, and sleep longer than usual, preferably in another country with no distractions. I don’t expect people to alter their schedules or every day thought processes just for me. I am very grateful for those who did though, especially the ones that wrote me some really nice stuff, which I appreciate much more now that I’m a little older, an old 26 year old. Thank you for remembering and taking the time to greet me!

I don’t think the earth shook when I was born, or that an eclipse blocked the sun, or that I had some lucky birthmark, or that the wisemen prophesied how I would bring balance to the Force, but there is something I do celebrate every April 11 morning:

I celebrate God’s faithfulness. That in my faithlessness and unfaithfulness my Father remains faithful. I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t deserve any of the things I enjoy. And I’m very very grateful for forgiveness, for grace, for love.

Faithfulness is a watered-down concept today. Many of us don’t really know the significance of the word anymore. I admit I have only come to understand it the past few months. When we miss the significance of something, whether it be a word, a person, an object, a position, or whatever, we will take it for granted, miss the complete benefit, and ultimately lose it.

I wrote in one of my older posts that faithfulness is not “not cheating”, that we can’t define something by what it is not. It’s just like asking someone, “Is she hot?” only to get the answer, “She’s not ugly.” I don’t know about you, but “not ugly” is not necessarily “HOT”. It’s just “not ugly”. Faithfulness is more than “not cheating”. Faithfulness is complete devotion.

When we talk about God’s faithfulness, and this is what I celebrate, this is what it means: that God is completely devoted to us. And when He says in Timothy that though we are faithless, He remains completely devoted to us.

Some of you may probably be thinking, “Easy for you to say. You’re not poor, or hungry, or dying. You’re not hurt, or indebted, or deformed. You’re this and that. You have this and that. Easy for you to talk about God’s faithfulness.”

And you’re right that sometimes it is easier to talk about God’s faithfulness when things are well. But you’d be wrong on two accounts: 1. things are not always well, not with me, not with you, not with anyone, and 2. having things, being full, being healthy, being comfortable, or having abundance, or no deformities is not the basis of God’s faithfulness, neither is it the proof. If our basis for God’s faithfulness is material, physical, emotional, political, financial, ecological, or whatever – you’ll miss it.

Because God’s faithfulness is spiritual, and spiritual things are witnessed by faith. If His faithfulness was about the world’s standards of success then where was His faithfulness with John the Baptist who was beheaded? Where was His faithfulness with Hosea who was cheated on? Where was His faithfulness with His own son Jesus who was crucified?

But it was there with them. His faithfulness was at work. He was reconciling and redeeming in the spirit what was broken in the flesh.

Let me get very practical here. How do I apply this to my life? How do I see God’s faithfulness in my life? Here’s where the Best Thing comes in. Remember, believe, that you have the best thing. You have Christ in you, the hope of glory. And when you’re convinced you already have the Best Thing having or not having the inferior things aren’t that important.

For example, I drive a Toyota and I have a friend who drives an incredibly nice Mercedes Benz. Not once have I heard him say, “David, you’re so much better off than me for having a Toyota.” I seriously doubt he’s envious of my car. Why? Because his car is way nicer than mine. Even if I teased him or argued with him that my car is better it wouldn’t really bother him because it’s not true – he already has a better thing. Imagine how ridiculous it would be, if I were to drive up to him in traffic, roll down my window, and say “Your car sucks!” But what would be even more ridiculous would be for him to be affected or be insecure or even worse, trade his car for mine. But we do this with our lives everyday, trading it in for something else, not necessarily bad things, but inferior things, because we forget that we not only have something better, we have the best in Jesus.

This is something I have to remind myself: That I have Jesus. If I have a house, great. If I don’t I’ll rent. Either way, I have the best thing. If my business grows, great. If it doesn’t grow, that would suck, but I don’t have to be insecure, I have the best thing. If my brothers become incredibly successful in the world, and I don’t, great for us. We have the best thing. If my kids are prodigies, great. If they’re average, fine. As long as they have Jesus they have the best thing. If I’m eating in Circles for dinner, beware, I’m going on a bombing run after. If we go hungry, that wouldn’t be pleasant. But either way I have the best thing. When you have the best thing, you are not bothered when you are deprived of the inferior things.

To conclude, I’ve realized:
When I’m envious or greedy or lustful it means I’ve forgotten that I already have the best thing.
When I’m arrogant it means I’ve forgotten that He is the best thing.
When I’m worried or anxious or insecure it means that I’ve forgotten that He has already given me the best thing what won’t He give me? And further, what more do I need?

And when these things attack, and I am guilty of all the above, probably more than the average human being, I remind myself of something else I wrote:

Freedom that shouldn’t be
Forgiven completely
Love poured out freely
In a life that cannot be
But is

I wish I could give you all goodie bags for all the greetings but that’s impossible. Besides, you don’t really need it. You already have the best thing.

Greater Expectations

Last week, I began moving things into my apartment. At the moment all i have are basic furniture and books, lots of books, and more books waiting to be moved. I intend to keep it that way: simple, clean, with a lot of bookshelves, and some space for my interests in art and music.

Shopping for home stuff is a lot of fun. If you’re like me, and you like details, discovering the differences in mattresses, thread counts, materials, technologies, and products can be an amazing learning experience. But if again, you’re like me, inflexibly particular, it can be quite expensive, in my case, too expensive, so I’ve drawn up master plan which I have divided into spending phases focusing on the most basic and important to me and getting fancier later on.

It’s a lot of adjusting for me. Having no internet, or not using the AC as much, and not having a piano are just some of the things new to me. And while they’re not essentials, a lot of people don’t live with these conveniences, they’re things I’ve gotten used to, things I’ve come to expect as a norm of life. The truth is, if I hadn’t gotten used to a lot of the comforts I enjoyed I would be much more flexible than I am today.

I realized I have two choices: content myself with lower standards or increase my capacity, through discipline and faith, to earn more.

I thought about it: With every higher level we reach we create a higher expectation. When you’ve past grade 1 you’re expected to be able to handle grade 2 and so forth. When you’re used to a certain standard of living it’s not so easy to lower it. When you’ve tried McDonalds you expect all McDonalds to be the same, which they strive to do, to meet your expectation so that’s why you’re always satisfied. It’s like exchanging numbers with a girl, then giving her a call, then it’s lunch, then it’s dinner, then it’s breakfast, then before you know it, she expects you to give yourself away with a ring included. Expectations escalate.

Here’s the principle on expectations: Not meeting an expectation disappoints, meeting an expectation satisfies, beating an expectation impresses – but it also creates a greater expectation, a greater expectation we now need to at least satisfy. And when we consistently meet or surpass expectations we start acquiring that most precious of currencies: trust.

This is one great challenge the next generation will face: the expectations created by the previous generation. For some the standards have been so low that the expectations are also so low, and the danger here is settling at a low level and we see examples of this in highly impoverished areas – a lowering of standards with each new generation. Some are content with the good or have not been exposed or prepared to take things to the next level. They don’t realize that standards are dynamic what was good before may no longer make the cut, so while they may satisfy at the very least, lurking close by is the very real possibility that someday other things will be more satisfactory and cause people to stop trusting in us and erode our relevance. (See my post on The Survival of the Irrelevant)

And there are those who follow a great generation.

In a visit to a partner’s factory, I was talking to one of the managers about the new family member who joined the company. This company is a respected firm that has been around since before the war. It’s on its fourth generation I believe, with the crown prince about to take over. I remember telling the manager, “Must be nice to inherit such a great company. At least it isn’t so hard.” She looked at me and said, “I think it’s actually harder. Imagine being in your twenties, having little experience, but having responsibility over hundreds of employees right away?” She was right. While this guy had a lot going for him by being heir to success, his inheritance brought a burden with it – a burden of greater expectations.

This is why building a strong next generation is so critical. Because with each changing of the guard we are posed the question: will we raise the standard? Raising the standard will require more from us and it will increase expectations of us. We will then have to respond with an even higher standard. But if the generations are prepared well, prepared to be strong, to fight, not to settle, to persevere, to sacrifice, and most of all to have faith to rely more on God, then we need not fear expectations. Besides the alternative is a lower standard, and if we do this, we take the first step in a downward spiral of good to bad to ugly to kaput. Sure we won’t have the burden of expectations on us, but that’s only because we’ve lost their trust.

The Tet Offensive

This is a follow-up post to my last one: Greater Expectations. It continues to explore the concept of expectations and the role they play in building trust. I just want to be very clear that trust building is the goal of meeting or surpassing expectations – not man pleasing. Man pleasing is a useless exercise. I remember, back in high school, I tried to understand what “cool” actually meant so I started looking for examples of “cool”. What I found was a highly relative and highly subjective mix of very very diverse “cool” people – in other words there really is no objective “cool”. To chase man’s favor is to chase the wind. It’s great when it hits your face but don’t expect it to last.

But trust is something else. Trust is an open door into someone’s mind. It’s a key to the heart. It’s worth building, and what’s worth building is worth protecting.

I cringe when I think about people whose trust I’ve lost. That’s probably gone forever. Maybe there’s forgiveness there but I’ll never again have the chance to truly be a part of their life the same way. I’ve blown my chance. Which makes earning and keeping the trust of those I still can very important to me.

So really, when we talk about standards and expectations, we’r really talking about trust.

My dad has a new book coming out, it’s nearly done, and it’s shaping up to be something I would highly recommend. But in the manuscript is a whole section on trust, its importance, how its defined, and how we can build it. Wait for a copy. I’d like to share a thought connected to trust, and I’ll start by talking about a well-known event in the Vietnam War.

January 31, 1968, before many of us were even born, with 80,000 troops, the Communist launched a massive attack on 36 of 44 provincial capitals, five of the six major cities and 64 district capitals. This attack would become known as the Tet Offensive. The Communists lost about half their men in this attack and the Vietcong were now crippled.

The ironic thing is, while American and South Vietnamese troops won that battle, many experts say that the Tet Offensive was the turning point that lost them the war, not because they lost more men than the Vietcong, but because they lost the trust of the American people. (The start of Tet is the lunar new year.)

To make a long story short, the Americans back home, who had been told that they were winning the war, were so shocked at the televised images of the Tet Offensive, that they were convinced that the government had lied to them about the war, and they lost confidence in the administration. A loss of confidence is a loss of trust. And when there was no more confidence in being able to win the war (in the jungle as well as the political battlefield), the end had come.

I think about that story, and I think about the Pyrrhic victories of my personal life, the battles I may have won but has cost me dearly. I think about achievements that seemed to be so sweet, dates so hot, or businesses so lucrative, or the different things in my life that seemed like must-haves but have turned out to be expensive mistakes.

These are Tet Offensives of our lives. The battles we win that cost us the war.

Most regrettable are the relationships lost, and the open hearts closed, probably forever, because I had to prove myself right in my position, or had to win a basketball game, or a tennis match, or had prioritized achievement, or just couldn’t accept being last.

While I never really said it, for most of my life winning at all cost, getting what I want at all cost, always seemed right. Now that I’m an old 25 year old, there are some wins that aren’t worth it. They’re not worth it because of the pain they cause or the baggage they bring. They’re especially not worth it because of the trust these wins have destroyed.

If we win every theological debate, but close their hearts, we will lose their souls.
If we win the battle to provide for our family, but lose their trust, we will lose those that mean most to us.
If we win the battle to be elected into positions, but abuse our power, we will lose our country.
If we win on all fronts but lose the trust battle, we will ultimately lose the war – whatever that war may be.

The Survival of the Irrelevant

“At the end of it all I hope we can say, that we did not purpose to live eternally but that we lived for an eternal purpose.”

The Relic
Recently, one of the groups I’m a part of held a meeting at a certain country club, and since I had arrived a little early, I spent some time looking at a little timeline they had displayed at the lobby. It was so amazing to see the history of the place, how it was a part of many historic events, how it hosted dignitaries and famous people, and how it survived the changing times. What a heritage to have. What a legacy to pass on.

Then I noticed two things, two things that burst my bubble.

One is that as the timeline progressed the significance of the place seemed to decline. While it can boast that many important people are still on its membership roster, it’s no longer the same. Soon, unless something drastic changes, it will be as historic as the history it remains so proud of.

The second realization was, “This place is ugly.” It felt old, and dusty, and caught in a time-warp that old clubs tend to fall into. Compared to the pictures of the past, the facility I was standing in was a shadow. But I think sadder than the regression is the missed future, what could have been. What would it look like if the walls were repainted instead of left to peal? What would it be like if the neon signs actually lit up like it used to? I wonder how the landscaping would look if the grass were trimmed instead of left alone? Maybe it’s time they took out the posters and banners of events of 2008 and 2009 since we’re already in 2010.

The Slow Death of the Irrelevant
This reminds me of two completely different meetings, one for business and one for a non-profit, that got slightly heated because, on both occasions, we couldn’t agree on certain changes. I won’t go into detail anymore. That’s not important. What’s important are the reasons for the impasse. We couldn’t move on, we couldn’t progress, because one was holding on to her position, and the other was holding on to his methods.

It would have been ok if the reasons for not changing the positions and the methods were because the current set-ups were sufficient, but they weren’t. We, both groups including me, were slowed down by two of the very useless arguments:

“I was here before you.” and “This is how it’s always been done.”

I’m not saying I’m always right, in fact, I’m usually wrong. Which makes “I’m sorry. You’re right. Let’s go with your idea.” a staple phrase of mine. And it’s not because I’m humble, anyone and everyone that knows me knows that humble David is an oxymoron. It’s more because more valuable to me than my position or my methods, more valuable to me than my ideas, or me getting the credit for my proposition, are doing things right and bringing value to society by fulfilling our purpose.

The bottom line is we can give all our excuses for not progressing, inexperience, lack of resources, cultural resistance, certain entitlements, or whatever, but if we don’t do things right we will inevitably deliver little value to society. When a person or entity delivers little value it becomes more and more irrelevant as time goes by.

A business that overprices and under delivers consistently over time will only survive IF it is the only one capable of delivering a certain product or service (no competitors) and IF that product or service is integral to its market. But there ARE competitors. And there’s tens of thousands of new offerings every year, what was integral yesterday might not be tomorrow. As soon as the people can find better value somewhere else, by value I mean more than just a low price but a better product, better service, a better experience, the decline will inevitabel begin.

With non-profits, what would it look like if efficiency were improved? How much better would it be if we were actually incredibly good at helping people, and not just “have the heart”? How much waste generated by our current methods of helping can be redeployed to help more? I don’t know the answers but I do believe they’re worth looking into.

It’s the same with churches. Just because we carry what we think is the greatest cause, doesn’t mean we will be relevant to society. And it’s not that irrelevance in itself is sad, the goal is not to please man after all, but what is disheartening is when our inability to let go of positions or change our methods deprives people of the value of knowing and following Christ.

I don’t think we want to be like that. We have enough institutions around to remind us of the pervasiveness of the survival of the irrelevant. They’re gravestones for the living. It’s only a matter of time. What is a forgotten heritage good for? What is a dying legacy worth?

I can’t think of anything.

So I guess a better title for this is “The Slow Death of the Irrelevant.” But the good news is, if we’re dying, it means we’re not dead yet – so there’s hope. Let’s embrace our history and take it with us to the future. Let’s review our methods, see what works, and explore new ways of doing things. It’s not about who was here first and it’s not about how things have always been done. It’s about bringing value to the lives of people.

It’s Not About Who’s Right – It’s About the Purpose
A few weeks ago I presented a few innovations to another group I’m a part of. In the audience were a few business leaders, and after the presentation, during the question and answer portion, one of them passionately shot down some of my ideas. Standing in front, I could see that some of the others were a little embarrassed for me and wondering how I would respond. I thought through his comments very quickly and realized he was absolutely right. So that’s exactly what I said, “You’re absolutely right. I didn’t see that. Let’s make those considerations when we pilot this.” Some people asked me why I was gracious about it after, and my answer was simple, “He was right. I’m glad he brought it up. I’d rather be repeatedly corrected and have us end up in heaven than to always be considered right but lead us to hell.”

I’ve learned that if we are to lead we have to be able to address the needs and the times, or even the needs of the time. And we will never be able to objectively address these needs if we are driven by self-perpetuation. In fact it’s counterintuitive to this.

At the end of it all I hope we can say, that we did not purpose to live eternally but that we lived for an eternal purpose.

Housekeeping

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.”
– Theodore Roosevelt

I have to warn you that this is not going to be as funny as the last blog. It’s actually not funny at all. I just need to do some housekeeping.

And the winner is…
First of all, I’d like to award the first winner of my “Best Question” contest to Marie Ayongao. Marie, send me your address (privately message me so that I can have it delivered to you) and choose whether you want a Molekine with lines (like I do) or with no lines (as the purists prefer).

Marie asked me whether I would sign a Do Not Resuscitate (DNR) form or how to deal with the issue of euthanasia or semi-euthanasia in our hospitals. And to be completely honest, I didn’t have a substantial answer, one because it was about 2am, but also because it’s not a topic I’m too familiar with or consider as a main advocacy. But it did make me realize that there are so many issues, some general, some specific, that are all valid and must be dealt with.

So here’s my answer in a nutshell:
I really don’t know. “I don’t know” by the way is a real answer know-it-alls should try sometimes. I’m pro-life, in the sense that I would be against the taking of a life simply because of pain, inconvenience, or handicap. But because I don’t know enough on this topic, such as the legalities or practices of institutions, I can’t really give suggestion on what to do except this: If this is a cause or a concern that is burning in your heart, maybe it’s because God is telling you to do something about it.

Some of you may have a similar stirring, a similar discontent, or a similar discomfort with the way things are – and when you feel this way, as soon as you feel this way, ask God, “What do you want me to do?” I believe great change for the better will come when each one finds his or her own passion, and does his or her part, in his or her sphere. So keep your eyes seeing, your ears listening, your heart feeling, and the rest of your body ready to serve.

Fans & the Opposite
I’d like to thank everyone for all the kind words and comments on my last post Brothers Bonifacio – Our Father’s Favor. It was especially nice of those who made the extra effort to send me a personal message. From the words of encouragement, to spelling and grammatical corrections, as well bringing attention to my insensitivity to people’s sensibilities, and to suggestions on how I could improve things, I read and appreciate them all. I’ll reply to them as promptly as I can.

Next, I’d like to thank my brothers. If you guys didn’t do so many crazy things (getting married for one) I wouldn’t have anything to write about.

I’d also like to thank my critics, the regular ones and the new ones. (Of course I’m not counting those who prefer not to say anything. Could be more.) Thank you for being there for me.

“You make me want to be a better man.”

The process with me is simple. It’s like a pimple. You can ignore it, you can cover it up, or you can treat it. I prefer treatment. So if you see that I have a pimple, you point it out, and as soon as I can, I go to the dermatologist and have it treated. If, for whatever reason the treatment is delayed or needs follow-up sessions, I apologize, but you’ll have to live with the pimple on my face until it’s clear.

Son of a Preacher Man
Sometimes I get asked by people how I can be so arrogant, chauvinistic, crass, cynical, mean, self-effacing and at the same time talk about helping the poor, going to God, and having the right values. They ask, “Don’t you see the contradiction?” and this is usually followed by my favorite line, one I’ve been hearing quite regularly for most of my life, “You’re supposed to be a son of a pastor.”

Actually, I’m more like the son of a preacher man.

Some of you won’t get that.

Seriously, the answer is yes, I do see the contradiction. I think the fact that I’m actually not that good or nice a guy is the most obvious thing in the world. It’s this reality of my shortcomings mixed-in with a desire to make a positive contribution in people’s lives that produces this tension – this contradiction.

But it’s also an authentic representation of myself and of the stories I share.

And I think these contradictions can be found in most people if not everyone.

We’re a mix of aspirations and dreams, and we want to become better, to be significant, but also included, holding us back, are our fears and insecurities, lusts and passions, our lack of discipline and self-control, the baggage of our wrong decisions, the habits we have to unlearn, the offenses we harbor and defenses we’ve erected.

We’re a mix of contradictions.

I know I am.

That’s why I go to God. Not because He’s going to zap me with lightning (some of you are thinking: so that explains the hair) or give me an ugly girlfriend every time I do something wrong, (if that were the case I’d have a harem of medusas, and clearly that is not the case), but really because of two reasons:

1. I don’t stand a chance without Him – I don’t stand a relational chance, I don’t stand a moral chance, or a behavioral chance, I don’t stand a financial chance, I don’t stand an emotional chance, a righteous chance, or an intellectual chance, I simply don’t stand a chance. So I go to Him, each morning, every evening, sometimes in faith, sometimes in doubt, sometimes anxious, sometimes in joy and hope, many times in repentance, and I cast it all.

2. And I am grateful, because not only does He welcome me, but even more, He includes me in His plan, and gives me another chance to participate in the great life of making a difference in others. The business of making a difference is not exclusive to the perfect – in fact, if you were to look closely at the people who have made some of the biggest contributions to humanity, you’d almost think it’s exclusive to the imperfect and to seriously flawed people – and you’d be right. Because these are the ones who took chances, made mistakes, suffered consequences, learned, made more mistakes, more consequences, learned more, and ended up with…

… discovery. I love that word. Partly because it starts with the letter “D” (which is absolutely my favorite letter), but because it means something was unveiled. That in the process of stepping out, falling, hurting, learning, rising, and on, something was revealed, a truth that gives you another chance, another better chance. And when that truth is spread it shares that better chance with others.

Grace Flow

Things Are Not Always Rose Colored
As I type this, my hands are in a losing battle to keep my hair off my face. The wind is having her way, as she always has. But this heavy breeze doesn’t come close to the storm raging in my head, brought about by the far from auspicious beginning to my work year. Driving home from a beautiful wedding a few Sundays ago, I got a message telling me that my general manager for Issho Genki (the Squalene company), Beth, was stabbed on the wrist in a robbery. The man severed her tendons and veins for a handbag. Now is a terrible time to lose her, given all the challenges that come with the growth of this company, as well as the other businesses and non-profit involvements I have. Beth was incredibly helpful the last few months when I, along with the other board members, had to take an increased role in Habitat for Humanity (the housing foundation) after the death of our CEO, Burt Jugo during Typhoon Ketsana (Ondoy).

From one crisis to another.

Like many others, sometimes I feel God has forgotten me, that He doesn’t hear my prayers, or if HE does, He doesn’t really care. I don’t doubt His existence. I’ve been past that idea a long time ago. But sometimes this existent God feels far. And like a lost child, I find myself running in circles desperately looking for the familiar parent.

Usually I feel this way when I’m faced with problems and difficulties that seem too heavy for me. That is what a problem is right? A person, a situation, a mistake, a challenge, or something, that has grown larger than us and is threatening our security. If it were something we could solve easily than it really wouldn’t be a problem. It’s the difference between a fly and a lion. One is a pest, a nuisance, the other can bite your head off.

I’m sure I’m not the only one who has felt this way. Challenges are not special to certain people. They are a reality for everyone. Some people have big problems and some have small problems. I’m finding that the difference is not so much the in size of the problem itself but is relative to the perspective and capabilities of the one facing the concern. For some a one million Peso debt is huge, for those who are restructuring much larger amounts like I am, it’s small. I hate it when people say things like, “That’s a small problem. Look at them they have bigger problems.” These people completely miss the point. The fact that a person has a problem, big or small, means that he or she currently lacks the solution, no matter how big or small as well. They don’t need to know whether their product is big or small, they need help.

So the best way to get involved is simply to help.

Grace-Flow
But it’s through these challenges that I’ve learned a concept that now helps me whenever I’m facing a situation I’m unsure I can handle.

I like to call it the Grace-flow.

One of the most important business concepts (though many times misunderstood or underappreciated) is the idea of cash-flow. Having found myself, unintentionally I assure you, in several restructuring situations, I have learned to respect the importance of managing and maximizing cash. In my short experience, the companies with healthy cash balances and positive cash-flow are much easier to get back into shape, mostly because the resources needed to make things happen continue to come in. Fighting out of negative cash-flow can be extremely difficult and is many times a good sign a business is about to go bust. (Unless some infusion or investment is made.)

At its most basic, business can be very simple. Someone provides a product or service that is purchased with money. The money goes to paying for the cost of the product or service, the expenses incurred to make that product or service available, and a portion for profit. So the cash-flow involves the in-flow of money through payments to the business and the outflow such as payments towards the expenses. It’s this process of in-flows and out-flows that make up what is called a cash-flow statement. This can get more complex with different payment terms or time cycles but we won’t get into that. This isn’t a finance course.

Healthy companies have healthy cash-flow. Meaning, they maximize the amounts and timing of the in-flows and out-flows in a way that always leaves them with enough money to cover all payables and spend for expansion and future needs.

Similarly our bodies have blood circulation to keep the supply of oxygen, nutrients, and other essential substances to the different cells. A deficiency in the supply or quality of our blood will affect our health adversely. I’m not a doctor but I’ve read enough health books to know the basic importance of healthy blood circulation. Another lesson learned from the restructuring of Issho Genki (the Squalene company we recently re-acquired). And our blood does more than supply; it also takes care of removing waste from our organs to be eliminated from our body.

Just like cash for a business, a healthy circulation of blood is important for our bodies. Cash is to business what blood is to our bodies.

Which brings me to the spirit.

Business has cash-flow, the body has blood-flow (circulation), and the spirit has Grace-flow – the flow of God’s grace that empowers us through His presence in our lives to be who He wants us to be and to do what He wants us to do. I don’t mean some fuzzy feel-good Grace that people can take to an extreme and treat like a get-out-of-jail free card. I mean empowerment, that when you lack you can go to God and know that His grace abounds, that He gives generously to all, and that you will have all that you need. I don’t know if it’s like energy that’s expended. I’m not a theologian. I do know that I need more and more of it. Or maybe I’ve always needed the same amount but just now realizing how much.

Go to God
Earlier this evening, I had dinner with a business partner from the Middle East. The last time we saw each other I had flown to Dubai for two days to meet him, and now he’s returning the favor. After the meeting, as I walked towards the lobby of the Shangri-la, I remembered a party my parents threw for me at this very hotel. It was my 13th birthday, and I remember my dad telling me, in front of a rather large crowd of meaningful people, “David, you’re a man now.” (As opposed to being a boy. Not a girl. Just so I’m sure you know.) Basically he was telling me I had to be responsible.

I thought about that memory and told myself, “God, this responsibility is getting heavy.” Sure it comes with authority, but that’s matched by accountability. You’re the boss, so that means you get the blame. That’s the way things are.

And things have been particularly heavy this year.

But going through my files when I got home, I came across a copy of a short letter I wrote Nathan Punzalan on his own 13th birthday. Nathan, along with a big bunch of other kids used to come to my house every Saturday morning for football, food, and faith. I won’t give the whole letter but the last paragraph was a good reminder for me, and may help you as well.

Here it is:

Nathan, there will be times when you will find yourself in over your head. But trust in the Lord. He will never leave you nor forsake you. Always believe that God can do great things in your life. When you’re succeeding, go to God. When you’re excited, go to God. When you’ve made a mistake, go to God. When you’re ashamed, go to God. When you’re afraid, go to God. When you’re tired, go to God. When you’re broke, go to God. When you’re in love, go to God. Whatever it is, whatever you’re going through, go to God, and be sure of this – He will answer you.

DAVID

So we finally come to the end of another Tolstoyishly long post. But really we can summarize the whole thing in three words: Go to God.

A Shopping Guide for Life

“But you can never go wrong with the priceless things. They’ll always be a steal.”

The start of a new year is always a good time to step back and take a deep look at the state of our lives. It’s a good time to evaluate ourselves, our desires and dreams, goals and accomplishments, our challenges and concerns, as well as our actions and decisions.

I actually think we should be doing this regularly – as in all-year regularly.

I’m not a big fan of New Year’s resolutions simply because, based on my experience and casual observance of others, we rarely sustain these grand decisions. Instead, I like to follow the Japanese practice of Kaizen – continuously growing through small improvements each day. So every evening, right before reading a self-imposed number of chapters before bed, I like to evaluate my day, what went right, what went wrong, what should I work on tomorrow or the next few days, what goes on my to-do list, what are the challenges, and after considering them I lift them to God to bless, to redeem, sometimes to forgive. I try to apply this practice of incremental growth powered by God’s grace to the things I do, whether it be business, social work, study, my creative pursuits, or whatever.

Despite this I can still be a jerk (a capital JERK to some), still be selfish, or unkind, or lustful (Yes, you women can be incredibly beautiful – and irritatingly illogical so don’t let your head get too big.). I can still be arrogant sometimes (Ok, more than sometimes.), still insecure (Which is why I’m arrogant.), still fearful (Which is why I’m insecure.), and incredibly limited in my goodness and capabilities (Which is why I’m fearful.).

All these shortcomings are products of wrong decisions, which in turn are products of a skewed value-system. Somewhere along the way, whether consciously or unconsciously, I learned to value the wrong things. Not everything of course, I do have right values, but enough mistaken valuations to leave a mark.

When my brothers and I were kids my parents read us a story from the book. No Wonder They Call Him the Savior. It tells the story of an unusual kind of robbery where some thieves broke into a store, and instead of taking items all they did was switch the price tags around. Some expensive things became cheap, and the cheap things became expensive.

The funny thing was that no one noticed the price change at first. So people shopped as usual, buying things at unusually huge discounts and unusually huge markups.

And sometimes our world is like that. We shop around through life sometimes making decisions that cost us more than what we get for it and sometimes taking other things of value for granted. And just like walking through a superstore, walking through life can be overwhelming with all the options calling out to you.
And so to help me remember (because I can be immensely forgetful) I have brought out a shopping list – a shopping list for life that I thought about when I was a teenager, detailing the things I would pursuit. I’ve changed some of the words and ordering but the treasures have stayed the same. Proof that, despite my lack of experience and knowledge at the time, an open heart can see with amazing clarity.

I use the article “a” instead of “the” because I don’t want to suggest that my list is the only list possible list or even the best. This is merely MY reminder for MYSELF that I hope will cause you to evaluate your situation, to see what it is you’re purchasing with your life decisions, and to weigh the cost that you’re paying.

My simple shopping list for life:

1. A real relationship with God
Where I’ll find it: In time spent with Him
Where I won’t find it: Religion

2. A family with a lot of kids
Where I’ll find it: With the birds and the bees, and a ball and chain – Kidding. I’m still trying to figure this one out.
Where I won’t find it: In my chauvinism, E-Harmony (Not that there’s anything wrong with E-Harmony. How do I say it? It’s just not me?)

3. The means to help the poor and unjustly treated
Where I’ll find it: Proper valuation
Where I won’t find it: In my selfishness that only focuses on what I want and what I need

4. The ability to steward the resources that are entrusted to me
Where I’ll find it: In humility – I don’t have it. I don’t know. Father, give me grace.
Where I won’t find it: In my arrogance and self sufficiency

Every now and then I get lost, while driving, while looking for a restaurant, or a shop, or just inside my head. And sometimes I lose my way, forgetting what’s really important, purchasing baggage at crazy prices. So I remind myself of what I really want, of what’s really important to me. Because you’ll always go wrong by buying something you don’t really want, no matter how seemingly cheap. But you can never go wrong with the priceless things. They’ll always be a steal.

Joe’s Car

I wrote this on December 19, 2006. I was 22 years old at the time, about a year after graduating college. So his car, a popular low-end model in the Philippines called a Tamaraw FX, is actually 15 years old by now.



Joe’s Tamaraw
My older brother, Joseph, drives an 11yr. old Tamaraw FX (and he drives it like a virgin Ferrari). It’s so old that there was a time he stopped locking the doors since he didn’t think anyone would steal it anyway. We had it appraised and found out it was worth a Big Mac and a stick of gum – just one stick! (Ok, that’s exagerated. But you get the picture.)

Memories
But what would seem of little worth to many people, is our treasured Tamaraw. When you’re 22 years old, and you’ve had a car for 11 years (half my life!), you just get attached. Here are my top memories of Joe’s Tamaraw:



1. When we nearly died tumbling on the Edsa-Buendia overpass because Joe was driving at over a hundred on the curve – When the car settled down, Joe was hanging on top of me by his seatbelt and we had to crawl out the windshield. The roof was sunk, all the windows were crashed, and even the spare tire exploded, but Joe and I were completely untouched other than a glass bit on my leg and a sprained neck. Now here’s the best part, Joe hugged me as soon as I got out. (AWWWW) That’s the first time he ever hugged me. (AND THE LAST!) I called my dad and told him we got into a “small” accident. He gave me an english lesson on the word “small” when he saw the wreck. What I forgot to say was that it was “small” compared to the 1906 San Francisco Earthquake. Oh well, miscommunication.

2. Joe learning to drive while visiting our lots in Forest Hills, Antipolo – I wouldn’t call the Tamaraw the ultimate golfer’s car or something for the country club, but I sure had fun watching Joe learn to drive on hills in that thing. Thank God for engine breaks.



3. When I nearly had a date – took this car to school, the Ateneo (don’t forget “the”), which is a school known for it’s selflessness and being poor in spirit (hard to be sarcastic without the tone), and a friend asked if she could ride with me. I found this weird because she has drivers, but strangely they’re all named “Manong”… Anyway… So by this time the Tamaraw was so shot up that it shook like crazy when you turned the ignition, and the A/C spit black water out at the front seat passenger. So walking to the car she asked me, “Do you want to have dinner first?” I said sure. She’s a pretty girl and smart too (a pretty AND smart female is not the same as a pretty smart one), and I was hungry so why not? A few seconds in the shaking spitting Tamaraw, and here’s what she said next, “I’m kinda tired. Mind if you drop me home straight?” I should have had a secret camera focused on her. It’s safe to say that ended her infatuation with me.

4. Joe’s MacBook gets stolen – Joe locks his doors now. Enough said.



Of Course There’s a Lesson Somewhere

So I’ve realized that the things that mean most to me are not the most expensive things, but neither are they cheap. They go beyond monetary and economic valuations. At the end of the day fulfillment is not found in being able to obtain the priciest things, but in discovering that what you have is priceless.

Price Tags

Think with me for a moment.

Let’s say the world was one big shopping mall, and you were in charge of valuation, how would you price things? What would a great life be worth? What about friendship? What about peace of mind? What about the feeling of sand on your feet? What would cost more, a successful career or a lifetime of rest? How much for a little silence? How much for an assurance of love? What would be more valuable to a child, secure finances brought about by working extra or a secure soul from more time with her parents?

Everything costs something but not everything is priced right.

The Short End of High End

I have my father’s dreams and my mother’s taste. This means I have to work really really hard. In more obvious ways, like with my career interests, I’m more like my father. But at the same time, many significant areas of my life are shaped by my mother. It’s actually quite interesting to think of the contradictions of my personality stemming from the vastly different characters of my parents.

Contradictions aren’t always negative. In many ways they balance us out. But there are some contradictions that are worth looking into, the kind that are so obvious we miss them completely.

I noticed a contradiction lately. I first noticed it at the Furnitalia showroom checking out the Poltrona Frau pieces. The salesman, or better, the evangelist, started sharing the gospel of high-end furniture. First he started with the history, and then he went on about how they make the leather seats for Ferrari. (He probably mentioned this two billion times – ok I’m exaggerating. But just a little.) Of course he ended with what all expensive brands say, “Think of this as an investment.”

This contradiction came up again while walking through Greenbelt.

I saw a pair of shoes, and not just any pair, the kind that calls out to you, the kind that knows your name. While waiting for them to bring out my size, I looked at the salespeople, and I remembered the furniture salesman.

Here’s the contradiction that entered my mind: None of these people will ever enjoy any of these. Here they are selling, no, preaching the benefits and the superiority of their product, but they will never enjoy any of it.



I tried putting myself in the shoes of a salesman in a high-end shoe store, and I tried to imagine what his life might be like:

 Single, hoping to save enough marry the love of his life who’s studying to be a nurse, at the same time putting younger siblings to school, and taking care of an aging mother. Professionally, he’s a talented salesman, with sales quotas, commission levels, and probably receives a base salary of P8000.00/month ($200/month). Now if I were this man, and I had to wake up to the prospect of serving some brat as he or she spends my one year’s earnings in half an hour on shoes, all the while enduring the demands, and criticisms when a size or color is lacking, I honestly don’t think I’d last.

And that’s on a good day.



Some people might ask, “Why don’t they find another job?” There is no other job. And if there is one, it’s either a job he’s not fit for, or a similar low-paying, not to mention thankless, post.

While class divides are present all over the world, the disparity, abuses, and dangers seem to be more evident in third-world nations. I think this is especially sad since none of this is new. I don’t remember how many studies on poverty and class differences we were required to read back in college. This is old. It’s so old, we miss it. To me that’s the dangerous part: we don’t see it anymore. Well maybe we do see it, but what do we do about it?


The Bullet or the Cannon Ball

I’m sitting beside an older couple as I type this. They looked very familiar when they walked in but I couldn’t remember where I had encountered them before. Until she moved closer to him, into his embrace, and then I remembered:

‘Light Bulb Flashing’

This was the couple making-out at a café Benjo and I visited one evening. Seems like they didn’t get their fill. Seems like they’re still crazy about each other. That’s a good thing I guess.

Good for Phyzer.

Some of you didn’t get that. Good for you.

Very distracting thought.

Anyway, before the dark side of my mind takes over, I’d like to share something more beneficial. It’s an idea I like to call “The Bullet or the Cannon Ball?”

One of the things I am most thankful for is the opportunity to dwell in multiple worlds and glean from different perspectives. I’m grateful that I get to participate in board meetings with individuals much older, more experienced, and much much more intelligent than I am, but I’m also very happy for the time I have with the kids (not my kids, though I wish I had five), who also are incredibly insightful though they don’t know it. I also benefit from being able to move between business and non-profit worlds, experiencing the resource rich world of value creation, but also being able to immerse deeply in poorer communities in another form of value creation. Other than just the old and young or rich and poor, like most of us, my different interests and efforts have introduced me to other circles, opening doors for a diverse range of participations.

And it is in the process of meeting my responsibilities in these different circles that I first started thinking about whether I would rather “bite the bullet now” or “swallow the cannon ball later”.

Because inevitably, whoever we are, whatever we do, something is coming at us – life is coming at us – and we need to know how to meet it.

I was once sitting in a meeting with people from a very reputable company. They had done very well, had grown immensely the past few years, and as is many times the case with companies enjoying a successful term, recent history took the place of total history. In other words, the good times covered over the memory of the bad times. And while it’s nice to have happy thoughts, we need to keep a complete picture that teaches complete lessons. In the course of the meeting it became apparent that we had to make some changes. What had gotten us this far, the past success, the past innovations, the past practices, even the past heroes (people responsible for the growth) would not take us further – they were actually threatening to drag us down. This is a completely natural reality of life – everything changes. A hungry baby can wait for his mom’s breast to feed. A hungry man needs to get a job to eat. (He can also go for the boob but that won’t do him any good. It won’t give him the needed nutrition. The supply might not even be there. It might even land him in jail.) As circumstances change, needs change, and solutions also must change. What’s important is the principle: both a baby and a man need nutrition, what changed is how that need is met. In the same way companies must be able to protect the principle, or principles, what is called core values, even as almost everything else around changes.

To make a long example short, we didn’t apply the necessary changes. I don’t remember if we found the changes to radical, too painful, or if we ended up just being complacent. I think it was a mixture of things, as well as a desire to protect our individual interests – interests that no longer benefited the company as a whole. But a few years later we would meet again and discuss essentially the same issues, only now having morphed into something much larger – something much more dangerous.

Enter the idea: “We should have bit the bullet before. Now we have to swallow a cannon ball.”

From Companies to People
Sometimes what’s true for companies is also true for us. Companies are made up of people after all.

I find that there are also many bullets I have to bite on a personal level and on a daily basis, some small, some big, and some have grown scarily huge simply because I never took them seriously – seriously enough to deal with them. There are a lot of disciplines I undertook early and now serve me well and bring me a lot of fulfillment such as work, reading, and playing the piano. But there are also things that I have indulged in, such as sleeping late, my temper, self-pitying in depressed moments, as well as areas where I lack discipline and self-control, that now hurt me simply because I never dealt with them.

I guess the main aversion to biting bullets is the pain and discomfort they cause. Aside from pellets and paintballs, I have never been shot. I don’t intend to find out how it feels to be hit by a real bullet, but I’m pretty sure it’s excruciating, or it can be painless – but only when it means you’re dead.

What does it mean to bite the bullet? It means to endure something with fortitude. To complete the thought, it means to do something unpleasant for the purpose of bringing forth something better.

There are many unpleasant things we will have to do, things that require discipline, sacrifice, and even pain. But these are necessary ingredients of life. They are actually inevitable price tags to being alive. We will pay a price. It’s only a question of whether we pay now, while we have discretion, or later when the circumstance limits our options to more painful choices. Sometimes the situation will force our hand. Sometimes it won’t, but like an unfelt gunshot, that probably means we’re dead.

No pain no gain as they say. Also true is, no pain, no discipline, no hard right decisions, no sacrifice today doesn’t just mean no gain, it means more pain tomorrow.

When I find myself having to bite another unwanted bullet, I just ask myself, “The bullet or the cannon ball?” Hopefully I’ll always choose the bullet, because a bullet may pierce my throat but a cannon ball will tear my head off.

A Pain in the Butt

Sometimes after biking, and sitting in that painfully designed piece of torture known as the bike seat, I feel like someone grabbed my ass cheeks, one cheek in each hand, and in one quick motion, ripped it apart.

Speaking of pains in the butt, I read about someone once, who was born to a family of modest means. His parents belonged to two different religious denominations so he pretty much grew up with mixed beliefs.

When he was sixteen he stopped studying so that the family could save money to send him to a better place. In his idleness he would learn the pleasures of sin, the temporary gratifications that lead to continuing regret. What started with pick-pocketing and stealing extended to promiscuity.

At 18, he met a girl, and she must have been beautiful because he would fall in love with her. Her name was Una, and though he would never marry her, she would be the mother of his son, and he would be faithful to her – at least for a significant amount of time. But faithfulness is like that, when you’re no longer faithful once, you’ve become unfaithful. It’s that simple.

In his searching, he would join a cult, and being who he was, he dove in deep, studying their teaching, and leading others to it. He wouldn’t be satisfied with the inconsistencies and move on to other things.

Finally, his mother prevailed on him to give up his mistress and find a wife. But it’s never that simple to just turn away, especially from something you lust for, from something you’ve learned to love. Passion is a double-edged sword. Controlled, it becomes strength, an enabler to do more, go further, and reach higher. Uncontrolled, it is wildfire, burning everything in its way. So he burned, and in his confused condemnation prayed, “Help me turn away. I know I need to. But not yet. I’m having too much fun.”

He would find some soothing in intellectual pursuit. Hoping that the gathering of wisdom would lead to true fulfillment and true spirituality. But his contemplations only highlighted one thing: who he was and how far he was from who he was supposed to be, even more, how far he was from who he wanted to become. So he continued in his promiscuity.

Imagine if he was your kid, if he was your brother, or uncle, or employee, or friend, or student. He would be a real frustrating pain in the ass. You might even say you know exactly who I’m talking about, that he shares your office, or last name, or that he lives in your home, or even sleeps in your bed.

But you’d be wrong.

Many years later, this man would genuinely find God, through the prayers of his mother, the patient teaching of an older man, and because he continued to seek, just as Jeremiah had written, because he searched for God with all his heart. (Jeremiah 29:13)

And history now remembers him as St. Augustine.

What allows a life spent so lost in selfishness a second chance? Forgiveness.
And what allows a third and fourth and a fifth and a sixth chance? More forgiveness.

It’s funny. I hate that word when I think about those who have wronged me. But then I love it when I think about who I am and how much I need it.

And what allows such amazing forgiveness and complete redemption? Love.

Because I Didn’t

This is a true story of a missed opportunity. Many times we don’t, not because we can’t, but because we won’t.

Because I Didn’t
If I could, I would. If I could have another shot I mean, another chance with RJ. But the chances of that happening are slim, and while nothing is completely impossible, there are things that are highly improbable.

And it’s that thought that bothers me whenever I remember him. That remembrance quickly turns into regret, a regret strong enough to wake me up when his face visits my dreams.

I met RJ when he tried to sell yema to my table at a popular dining location in Metro Manila. Yema is a Filipino sweet (or is it Spanish?) made up mostly of milk, egg yolk, and sugar, it is easy to prepare, relatively cheap, and is many times sold by street vendors. RJ was a street vendor, a very young street vendor, but he had an excellence to him. His hair was fixed, which is something I’ve never learned how to accomplish, his clothes were old but he was clean, and he stood and spoke confidently as he offered his goods.

I told him I’d buy all the yema he had if he would sit with us for a while. I offered him some ice cream but he politely declined. If I remember right I think he settled for a Coke. I really wanted to help him, so I told him that if he would meet me every Saturday night for one hour, we would spend half the time studying the Bible, for the other half I would teach him what I knew about business, and, lastly, which was most attractive to him, I would buy all the yema he could bring.

And that was how it started.

Every Saturday night for the next few weeks we would meet, and I would bring friends (come to think of it, friends I haven’t seen a while) with me to share and encourage him, particularly Wendel, who now works for GE, Jon aka Mr. Coconut, and Rads, who shared his incredible testimony with RJ but someone I can’t really say anything good about anymore. That’s another story. Of course we all quickly got tired of yema. It went the way of anything we have too much of, from delighted to despised.

But RJ we fell in love with.

It turned out that he was 12 turning 13 years old, and that at nights he would travel from a few hours away, by himself, and visit the malls that had become part of his circuit selling yema. He would finish late at night, maybe even get home early morning, sleep, go to school, study or do homework while his aunt prepared more yema, then he would go sell. This was his routine, which our Saturday night dates became a part of.

One Saturday he didn’t show. So I sat there and waited, thinking he was late, hoping nothing bad happened to him. But he didn’t show up at all.

The next week he didn’t appear again, neither the next, nor the next, until it was clear he wasn’t showing up anymore. Every Saturday I’d pray and hope he would show up, and I would sit there, sometimes dragging another friend along to wait with me.

But he never showed.

One evening, in another mall, in a reenactment of our first meeting, he sold me yema while I was having dinner, not recognizing who I was. I asked him why he didn’t show. He said that they kicked him out one Saturday, and he thought I’d be mad at him for not showing up, so he stayed away. I told him I wasn’t mad at all, more worried, but not angry. So we agreed to resume meeting at another place, and, of course, I bought his yema.

The last time I saw RJ he was being escorted by cops, with his head down, and handcuffed like a criminal. He turned and I know he saw me, because he looked at me, and that’s the look that I can’t forget, his face afraid and his eyes pleading “help me!” I was with my friend and we went to try to talk to the police, but they said that if we weren’t guardians there was nothing we could do, and that they would implicate us in something if we got involved.

I don’t know what it was. Maybe it was fear. Maybe it was frustration. Maybe it was laziness, or an unwillingness to inconvenience myself. But I took their advice and gave up. I watched, just standing there, until I could no longer see them, and I turned and went my way.

Fast-forward to today, and I wonder what RJ is doing as I type this. Is he in college? Is he out in the rain? Is his yema wet? Is he still selling yema at all? Is he all right? What happened to him that night? Is he ok? Is he even still alive? I think about what he could have been, what I could have helped him become. I think about how, if I could do things over, I would trade the convenience for the complications of getting involved, because I know now it would have been worth it.

If I could, I would do so many things. But the sad reality is, back then I could have, but I didn’t.

-
For those of you who want to try it, I found this online.
Recipe for Yema

Ingredients:
1 cup condensed milk
5 egg yolks
1/2 cup mashed potatoes
1 tablespoon vanilla
1 tablespoon butter

Syrup:
1 cup sugar
1/2 cup water
1/4 teaspoon cream of tartar

Directions:
Combine all the ingredients for the yema and cook until the mixture is thick.
Set aside and cool.
Roll into balls of about 1 inch in diameter.
Prepare the syrup: blend all the ingredients for the syrup.
Bring to a boil until syrup is caramel-colored.
Insert a toothpick into the yema ball and dip into the syrup.
Cool on greased baking pan.

The Beautiful Interruptions

My articles are getting longer. I notice it too. So I’ve divided this into three parts. Maybe I’m becoming too ambitious with my writing. Maybe I have more to say. Maybe it’s treatment, what a friend called my catharsis, for tiring work days. Maybe I’m hoping that somehow this gives a better contribution to make up for the tactless things I say.

Nights Are A Good Time To Remember
The past few nights, instead of sticking to this month’s reading list, which include a book on Lorenzo de Medici, Islands in the Stream by Hemmingway, a book on Bear Stearns’ financial collapse, Basho’s haikus, and the highly uncharacteristic (for me at least) Seven Levels of Intimacy, I decided to read through my old journals, mostly contained in oilcloth covered Moleskines.

These Chatwin-inspired notebooks may not be the most practical of purchases but they do have their appeal. For one, they have pockets, which are useful for notes, really old but really good letters, for filing old Post-its, and, according to their marketing, they were used by the likes of Picasso, Mattise, and Hemmingway – even though the brand itself was registered in 1996. Picasso died in the 1970s and Hemmingway in the 60s. You connect the dots. Another thing I like about them, and this is why I choose to be gullible, is how nice the uniform little black books look lined-up on my shelf.

But what really make my Moleskines special (special to me at least) are the lines that form the letters and numbers, and drawings, and words, and phrases, and sentences, and paragraphs of events, reminders, and plans, and emotions, and thoughts, and hopes, and prayers that all combine into one big story – the story of my life.

We All Have This In Common: We’re All Different
Much like everyone else’s life story, mine does not fall under one genre. It’s a little adventure, a little mystery, a little horror, a little comedy, a little romance in 1 or 2 quarter segments, a little drama, and even science fiction. Sometimes I forget how amazing my life has been, and envy the experiences, the opportunities, and the resources of others, and when I feel this way I take one of my Moleskines and remind myself of the treasure I enjoy each day. See, the problem with trying to live someone else’s life is that we will fail in two ways: to be fulfilled in a life not meant for us, and to miss the fulfillment in the life we should be living – our own.

The next three offerings are, as I said, divided into three parts: The Beautiful Interruptions, The Beautiful Strangers, and The Beautiful End. I wrote them basically as reminders to value everything in every moment, especially the people, who make these moments, come alive.

The Beautiful Interruptions
One of the things I particularly don’t like about our educational system is that it expects everyone to mature at roughly the same pace. It seems to presume that when you’re a certain age you’re supposed to have a certain level of learning and able to join a certain grade. But people don’t grow, or mature, or learn at the same pace. Not so much because some are smarter than the others but really more because people live different lives, and are exposed to different things at different times leading to different experiences and different learning.

To put it succinctly, the problem with a rigidly programmed educational system is that many times it fails to prepare us for the unplanned and the unexpected.

Reading through my journals made me realize that very little of my life has gone according to plan. Investments that never materialized, business turned sour, my MBA in Spain stunted right after a great interview, relationships strained, paused, or completely ruined, broken limbs and scar-leaving stitches, a suicide bombing, lost luggage, and quite a number of planes and trains missed, I have to say a lot has not gone according to plan.

And that isn’t always a bad thing. Sometimes God has to interrupt our plans to make way for something better, to make way for Him. Sometimes I cringe at the thought of what my life would be like today if my plan had pushed through. Maybe it would even be over.

There’s one incident that really underscored this for me. It happened years ago on my only visit to Kabul, Afghanistan. Afghanistan is a beautiful country with beautiful people of amazing strength. I would definitely encourage anyone who knows they are called there to not hesitate and go. That year was 2004, I was 20 years old, and was sporting the most pathetic looking facial hair in the land-locked nation. I was with a long time friend who used to work for the family but decided to go on a series of mission trips. In Aghanistan, while shopping in a popular area, he reminded me that we had a meeting to go to. I corrected him saying that we had a few hours, but he insisted we left. So we left, and arrived at an empty safe house, a few hours early for the planned meeting. I was a little annoyed at him for getting the facts wrong, but the annoyance quickly disappeared as we watched the breaking news on TV. A few minutes after we left, on the street where we were, a suicide bomber had done his thing and taken the lives of a few people. Things didn’t go according to my plan, but I’m glad it didn’t. I’m very happy to be alive today. Besides, there’s a time for everything. The next day we went back to finish our shopping, knowing that a suicide bomber gets to strike only once.

Over the years my friend and I have gotten closer, and I stood as one of two best men on his wedding day, and now am godfather to his son blessed with the amazing name, David.

I try to remind myself, when things go wrong, or are delayed, or are blown away, to be grateful for the beautiful interruptions, knowing that everything happens for a purpose. Maybe it’s to teach us a lesson. Maybe it is patience we need to learn. Maybe it’s to protect us, from ourselves, our own plans, or someone else’. Maybe it’s to teach us to appreciate when we finally have something or someone. Maybe it’s to keep us somewhere long enough so that we won’t miss the sunset. Maybe He wants to remind us of how it feels like to be blessed by the rain. Even, maybe, it’s to prolong the suffering so we’ll know how to comfort those in pain. Whatever it is, there’s a reason, and while I hate to use this corny line (I really really do), that reason is you.

Our Father

This is a long one. But I hope you take the time. Who knows? Maybe you’ll find a gem. Maybe you’ll find a gold mine.

Founding Fathers
Every Sunday evening, before settling to go through the stack of books on my bedside table, I review the activities for the following week and try to make everything fit, which, I find, is never an easy thing to do. Between for-profit work and non-profit social work, study, sports, my piano and violin practice (which has shown no improvement), painting (also has shown no improvement), writing, and the equally important rest and re-creational activities that include my quiet time with God, I’m never out of things to do. At the end of each day it’s nice to be able to take a sleeping pill (a natural one of course) and go to bed fulfilled. Usually my mind is still going, sometimes still thinking, but mostly dreaming, and that leads to my idiosyncratic sleep talking.

Thanks to Wallace Panlilio, who now runs Victory Christian International School (VCIS), I have been sold to the idea of mind mapping, and have gone through the exercise of mind-mapping my life’s activities. I encourage anyone who is looking to organize himself or herself to try mind mapping or some sort of visual model.

But that’s not what I want to talk about.

I really want to talk about fathers.

Because as I looked through everything that I am doing, I realized that at the beginning of every activity, whether spiritual, physical, intellectual, or emotional, was a father – or a mother – but someone who helped plant the seed, who helped define me, and laid a foundation. Nothing was completely original, all was taught, and even in my “do the opposite of everything your parents say” childhood, somehow, certain values and behaviors were transferred.

The Wisdom of Fathers
I make it a point to invite much older and much wiser men to meet over breakfast, lunch, or dinner just to seek advice, pick their brain, hear their stories, and learn. With me come my omnipresent Moleskine, a black pen, and a yellow highlighter. Sometimes they talk really fast, sometimes it’s painfully slow but there’s always so much wisdom they can share simply from being alive for so long. Besides the senior citizen’s discount makes them practical dates.

One of the privileges of not being too smart is that you realize earlier than the smart people that you need to listen to others. I needed fathers who had gone ahead and knew more. When I was a kid, I had tutors, sometimes three at a time, because I didn’t pick things up too fast. I actually picked them up slow. I needed people to explain to me over and over and over until I understood. But that taught me you don’t have to know everything all the time. If you don’t know, ask someone who does. If you don’t know anyone who does, look for someone and cold call him or her if you have to. And this practice, this combination of deliberate growth, of study and seeking out mentors, has really helped me out. I find that the only thing I discover from all this discovery is that there’s so much more to discover. That was redundant but you get the idea.

My Father
When people wonder why I do certain things and think a certain way, I like to tell them a few stories of when I was growing up. When I was younger I had asthma, and it was bad enough to get me confined. The doctor told me to stop swimming, but the very next summer, and every summer after that, my parents enrolled me in swimming camps. I’ve not had an asthma attack since. There was also Joshua’s detention. Josh had some of the most creative reasons for getting detained, including “stripping” and “dancing with the teacher and spanking his butt”. On one of his detentions he was made to face the wall, and guess what my dad did, he stood facing the wall in detention beside my brother. Then there was the time Joe crashed the car. The next day my dad threw him the keys to his car and said, “You drive.” My father just had a weird way of teaching us to keep fighting, face our consequences, and rise after failure. It many ways it was contrarian, and there’s probably a better way of teaching lessons, one that doesn’t produce performance oriented individuals, but this was our way and it’s something I’m grateful for because it defined how I approach everything from bad reports, to sickness, to adversity, to punishment. It defined how I approach life.

I could go on about my dad but this piece is long enough as it is.

Besides we’ve gotten to the point.

Our Father
I can’t forget one morning, when a painful truth was delivered to me. I was consulting with a man who has become a business mentor, and has very kindly given me a lot of his time. I was telling him about what I was facing and what I was attempting to accomplish, and he looked at me and said, “David. I think you’re in over your head. You’re a bright boy, but this one is too big for you. You’re in over your head.” He was not being discouraging, or negative, and I appreciated the honest assessment. Because when I thought about it, he was absolutely right. And I would rather have the true picture than some illusion.

But that didn’t make things easier to bear.

After our meeting, I thanked him, and walked to the car a deflated child. I remember thinking to myself, “I’m screwed. He’s absolutely right. I’m in over my head” followed by a series of four letter words I’d rather not mention.

Then I felt a familiar impression, and I heard a familiar voice in my head, a voice I have been hearing since I was a child, followed by a familiar peace beyond all understanding that became so real to me in my short stay in Afghanistan.

“YOU are in over your head. But YOU and I, we’re not.”

And that was my take home for the day. It was my take home for the week, for the month, for the year. It’s my take home for life. That while earthly fathers are great, we have someone who is greater than anything we may face. He is the one who paints the dreams in our minds and plants His purpose in our hearts. And no matter how deep the pit, how dark the nights, or torn our soul, we can find rest in the One who loves us, because we call Him Our Father.

The Children Showed Me How

Maybe it’s because I like to read JM Barry’s Peter Pan over and over. Or maybe it’s because I enjoyed being a kid so much. Maybe it’s because I grew up too fast. Or maybe it’s because I haven’t grown up at all. Whatever the reason, I love kids.

Saturday Mornings
I usually begin my Saturday mornings with kids climbing all over me at the Real LIFE feeding program in Pasig. Doc, Lynn, Sony, Rhia, Ariel, and the rest of the Real LIFE team have organized a wonderful weekly event that not only brings joy to a little more than 150 kids but also blesses the volunteers who give their precious Saturday mornings to share their lives. Rica Tongco, a regular volunteer, was telling me about how touched she was when some of the kids went up to her to say that their families were being relocated from the disaster risk areas they had been squatting on. (Interestingly, some have moved to Habitat for Humanity communities that are developed by another incredible group I have the privilege of being a part of.) The kids wanted to say goodbye and they wanted to show their appreciation to her with small gifts. She showed me a small plastic frame they had given her, and I knew she would never value another frame so much, not even a Napoleon. (That’s a nice kind of frame by the way.)

I never leave empty handed either. Aside from a full-body workout and that feeling of fulfillment that comes with making a positive contribution to someone’s life, I get my ego massaged by comparisons to some Korean telenovela star. On second thought, I’ve never actually seen the show. That could be a bad thing.

I used to question the impact of these programs, particularly the ones that appear to be isolated acts of kindness. Then I had a thought, while running the 21k Condura race a few months ago, I was so grateful for the volunteers who handed out water and cold sponges because when you’ve been running a long time, you’re out of water, and the sun’s burning, that little cup goes a long way. Sometimes it’s just enough to get you to the next cup of water, but then you get there, you drink, and that gets you to the next cup, and the next, and before you know it you’ve finished the race. And that’s what kindness is. It’s one cup to get you to the next point. It’s one more encouragement to hold on. It’s an act of service that reminds others they’re significant. And your kindness adds to my kindness, and adds to his kindness, and her kindness, and to a stranger’s kindness, before we know it, and we may never know it, we’ve all helped someone run their race. It’s not an original idea. But we all have to be reminded.

Sunday Afternoon
Two Sundays ago, I took Nathan, Janina, and Ryan Punzalan to see Ice Age. Let me correct myself, Ice Age 3: Dawn of the Dinosaurs. I’ve learned that we adults have to get these titles and title extensions right or it’s not the same thing. Like this one conversation I had with my cousin Carlos:

Me: You guys want to watch Spiderman at my house?
Carlos: Spiderman 1 or Spiderman 2?
Me: I don’t know. Spiderman.
Carlos: But Spiderman 1 or Spiderman 2?
Me: It’s the same thing. It’s Spiderman.
Carlos: No it’s not. One is Green Goblin and the other Doc Oc.
Me: OK. No more Spiderman. We’re going to the mall.
Carlos: Do you think they have Spiderman?
Me: I’m pretty sure.
Carlos: Spiderman 1 or Spiderman 2?

So anyway, after the movie with the Punzalans, I asked them if they enjoyed it, and Janina, our only girl for the afternoon, said, “You just slept! I was staring at you for a long time trying to see if you would wake up but you just slept!” And Ryan added, “Yeah. You were sleeping. How can you sleep in a movie?” I told them that cinemas are some of the best places to sleep in. It’s dark, it’s cool, if people are polite its quiet, and if the seats recline it’s perfect. I then realized that I’ve slept through the last few movies I’ve seen. Ice Age 3, Transformers 2, Wolverine, name it, I’ve slept through it.

Then I realized another thing.

I used to like watching movies – even dumb ones. Now, I can’t even stay up – not even for good ones. That’s sad I think.

Early Monday Morning
In 1989, I was 5 years old. I remember being in the states, going to Disney, buying toys bigger than me, and eating a lot of turkey leg. I couldn’t afford anything I was doing. I couldn’t get anywhere on my own. I didn’t know the plan. I actually got lost a few times, once for over an hour. I was completely dependent on my parents, but if I had to pick a year for when I was most secure, I would choose 1989.

Fast forward to today. I know more than when I was five. I have more. I can do more. I have savings (if you can call my tennis can of coins savings). I have more positions, more accomplishments, a greater network, but also, I find, a greater level of anxiousness and worry. And while I hate dependence, as Count Almasy puts it “being owned”, I’ve realized that my in-dependence has brought in-security.

But earlier this Monday morning, while in prayer, I remembered the kids at the feeding, the Punzalans, my cousins, and my own childhood, and how they, we I mean, were so secure in our reliance on the adults. I had a thought: complete security is found in complete dependence in someone much greater.

Sometimes I forget to depend on God, and I go at things on my own. But this time I’ll remind myself to let go, to trust, to hope, to rely, to depend, and to let the children show me how.

The Song of David

Someone recently told me, “I wish I had your life. You get to do so much. And you don’t have any problems.” I just smirked. He didn’t have a clue. Everyone has their own set, of victories and challenges. Some just complain more than others.

I wrote this in September of last year, after a tiring and painful episode in my career. I surprise myself at how creative the adjectives my mind comes up with whenever I remember the people who brought it about. Then I repent, and remind myself to overlook offenses, to forgive, and to offer up my hard heart to God for softening.

The Song of David
He was a hero. He was THE hero of Israel. He had saved the nation. He had killed Goliath. The king’s daughter, Michal, loved him, so did the heir to the throne, Jonathan. He had earned a high rank. He had found favor in the eyes of the people. The beautiful daughters of Israel sang his praises, “Saul has killed his thousands, David his ten thousands.” The young boy, David, had reached the top. And in his heart and soul the promise of kingship rested, for the prophet Samuel had anointed him.

But now he is on the run, living in caves with criminals and outcasts, with nothing to his name, and no weapons with which to fight. Considered insane by the very people he once conquered, the Philistines, he will survive through the kindness of others and by inquiring of the Lord. And He will become king. In the process he will have to fight and learn to forgive, he will fall in love again, and he will sing a new song.

-

After quite a difficult last few months, dealing with challenges in business, accusation, and an overwhelming workload, I found myself praying the words of Psalm 40 early one morning, that God would answer me as I wait patiently on him, that he would hear my cry. The Psalm starts:

V.1

I waited patiently for the Lord;

And He inclined to me,

And heard my cry.

V. 2

He also brought me up out of a horrible pit,

Out of the miry clay,

And set my feet upon a rock,

And established my steps.

As I read the words aloud I came upon verse 3:

V.3

He has put a new song in my mouth –

Praise to our God…

I stopped and thought about that. “He has put a new song… “ What does a new song have to do with God saving David?

The answer would come to me one evening, during one of my legendarily long baths. As I stood under the shower, the hot water easing my tired self after another deflating day, I thought about everything I was doing and the challenges in some of the businesses, that despite MY obedience and MY hard work and MY accomplishments the burdens seem to keep getting heavier and the adversity much tougher. I found myself asking God for answers. Why do my days feel like a roller coaster, one day high on achievement and the next day crushed beneath responsibility? Why do the events surrounding me seem to block the prophecies planted in my heart? Why do you raise my hopes only to allow them to be crushed anyway? And as I was running through it all in my head the audible voices of women chanting interrupted my arrogance, “Saul has killed his thousands. David his ten thousands. Saul has killed his thousands. David his ten thousands.” Over and over I could hear them, “Saul has killed his thousands. David his ten thousands. Saul has killed his thousands. David his ten thousands.” And I felt myself shiver and couldn’t help but cringe, because I finally understood. Just like David in the Bible, God had to remove the old song of my soul, my own praises, the pride in my own achievements and respectability, so that He could replace it with a new song – praises to Him.

There’s nothing that brings out the worst in people like a problem. Tempers rise, greed awakens, worry abounds, short-cuts are taken, accusations are hurled, and relationships are strained during times of testing. It’s easy to rationalize our evil actions as our effort to solve our problems but this kind of response doesn’t solve anything, it actually leads to more problems. I always believed that the purpose of adversity was to make me stronger. I would face a challenge that would reveal my limitations and I would respond by working harder, studying more, sleeping less, pushing people more, sacrificing more, anything to help me rise up to the test because I knew that after all the effort I would be better and more capable. While this is partially true, I realize now that I had missed the real purpose of adversity and, because I did, missed out on its true benefit as well.

The purpose of adversity is to humble us, to bring us to a point where we realize we cannot do it alone, and to respond, not in self-reliance and human effort, but to respond in worship. In adversity we see how incapable we are and how much God is really worth. And that is worship, to ascribe to God His true worth. Amazingly, when we enter God’s presence and worship we are able to overcome for in God’s presence is fullness of joy (somewhere in Psalm 16), and the joy of the Lord is our strength (somewhere in Nehemiah), the strength we need to defeat whatever we’re facing.

David had learned the secret to overcoming, and he found it in the new song God had taught him. One of my favorite verses in the Bible goes, in Isaiah 26:3-4: You will keep him in perfect peace, Whose mind is stayed on You, Because he trusts in You. Trust in the LORD forever, For in YAH, the LORD, is everlasting strength. With the understanding of the true purpose of adversity we are led to worship, and then we experience the true benefit, which is not so much that we can rise up, but so that we can see our God rise up for us.

Remembering A Good Man

Last Saturday I attended the memorial service of Mr. Joe Orosa. He was many things to many people, a banker, a builder, a statesman, a father, a husband, and a lot more, as he was always making himself available. To me, he was a mentor, someone who counseled and guided me, and helped me navigate my early years after university. We only really worked together for about 2 years, about as long as his battle with cancer, but my experience with him has benefited me so much and I would like to honor his memory.

Our interaction started when we worked together at the Real LIFE Foundation. Our founding board, Joe Orosa, Pastor Steve Murrell, Dr. Jun Escosar, Lynn Nawata (current executive director), and Joey Castro the founder of Real had just organized the foundation with Tito Joe (as he was known to us) serving as the first chairman, and I as executive director. I didn’t know anything about running a scholarship program, much less a foundation. Fortunately, I found a lot of resources, both published and human, and I had available to me a supportive board. As chairman, Tito Joe wanted to be actively involved and would ask to see the plans and discuss it before presenting to the other members. One thing he stressed over and over again was the sustainability of our programs. Everything we were planning had to endure. Today, Tito Joe’s contribution continues to live on through the Real LIFE Foundation. Only on its second fiscal year as a foundation, Real LIFE has assisted more than 150 scholars and is well positioned to continue to grow and help more people as it builds its first community center in Pasig and rolls out the LIFE Program. (LIFE stands for Leadership, Integrity, Faith, and Excellence).

Tito Joe was also in charge of the building program that built the Every Nation Building in Fort Bonifacio. Since they had upcoming projects that would also deal with donations, he would ask me to join meetings with donors, architectects, and contractors. Again, I knew I really would not be contributing much, if at all, but I understood my job was to learn and was grateful to him for opening the door.

Tito Joe continued to meet with me even after Real LIFE. I had taken over what was once a very successful company that had been weighed down by the consequences of bad decisions. A complete restructuring was required, and I found myself in a familiar situation, again I found myself having to work on something I knew next to nothing about. I remember our first meeting, I was informing him that I would have to resign from Real LIFE to focus and needed advice regarding what to do with the banks. He quietly listened to the situation, digesting each fact, then proceeded to walk me through what had to be done. When he was satisfied that I had learned what he had to teach, he then talked to me about Real LIFE, the baby that had captured his heart. He talked about the career path public service offered someone like me, and he talked about the need to defeat poverty, and the need for people to rise up to serve. That’s a good description of who Joe Orosa was, someone who rose by the sharpness of his mind and the excellence of his work but also someone who stooped to serve with a purity of heart so rare for a man with so much reason to be jaded.

The amazing thing was, as he did all of this, work on the foundation and building, his work with Studio 5, and even making time for me, Tito Joe had cancer. The cancer could not stop him though, it would only try to slow his body down. Even then, his mind was still running much faster than the rest.

He was an accountant so he understood the financial implication of everything, but he didn’t value life using a calculator. More than the businesses, buildings, and organizations, Tito Joe was a builder of people. Mentoring is not a series of lessons but a time of impartation. I thank God for people like Tito Joe, along with many others, who not only gave me their opinions, but set aside time for me. Growing up, I was always interacting with people much older than I am, and I have seen the contrast between seniors who are quick to load the next in line with rules and expectations and men like Tito Joe who understand that a cultivated person will surpass all goals and targets.

Looking back I realize his not so secret keys to success: a love for God and an unshakable faith. His love for God led him to love life and love people. His faith gave him the strength to live life fully and to show this love in different ways to hundreds of people.

Some people live for money, and amass fortunes they’ll leave behind.
Some live for power, only to be swallowed whole.
Some live for fame, and rise simply to peak.
Some live for achievement, and wake up regretting the price they paid.
Some live to fall in love, over and over again, until they can no longer recognize what true love is.
Others live for adventure, which lasts only as long as the last thrill.
People live for a million things that mean temporary at best, for death ends all things.
But men like Tito Joe will live forever, in eternity and in our hearts, the people he’s touched.

Remembering a Good Man

Last Saturday I attended the memorial service of Mr. Joe Orosa. He was many things to many people, a banker, a builder, a statesman, a father, a husband, and a lot more, as he was always making himself available. To me, he was a mentor, someone who counseled and guided me, and helped me navigate my early years after university. We only really worked together for about 2 years, about as long as his battle with cancer, but my experience with him has benefited me so much and I would like to honor his memory.

Our interaction started when we worked together at the Real LIFE Foundation. Our founding board, Joe Orosa, Pastor Steve Murrell, Dr. Jun Escosar, Lynn Nawata (current executive director), and Joey Castro the founder of Real had just organized the foundation with Tito Joe (as he was known to us) serving as the first chairman, and I as executive director. I didn’t know anything about running a scholarship program, much less a foundation. Fortunately, I found a lot of resources, both published and human, and I had available to me a supportive board. As chairman, Tito Joe wanted to be actively involved and would ask to see the plans and discuss it before presenting to the other members. One thing he stressed over and over again was the sustainability of our programs. Everything we were planning had to endure. Today, Tito Joe’s contribution continues to live on through the Real LIFE Foundation. Only on its second fiscal year as a foundation, Real LIFE has assisted more than 150 scholars and is well positioned to continue to grow and help more people as it builds its first community center in Pasig and rolls out the LIFE Program. (LIFE stands for Leadership, Integrity, Faith, and Excellence).

Tito Joe was also in charge of the building program that built the Every Nation Building in Fort Bonifacio. Since they had upcoming projects that would also deal with donations, he would ask me to join meetings with donors, architectects, and contractors. Again, I knew I really would not be contributing much, if at all, but I understood my job was to learn and was grateful to him for opening the door.

Tito Joe continued to meet with me even after Real LIFE. I had taken over what was once a very successful company that had been weighed down by the consequences of bad decisions. A complete restructuring was required, and I found myself in a familiar situation, again I found myself having to work on something I knew next to nothing about. I remember our first meeting, I was informing him that I would have to resign from Real LIFE to focus and needed advice regarding what to do with the banks. He quietly listened to the situation, digesting each fact, then proceeded to walk me through what had to be done. When he was satisfied that I had learned what he had to teach, he then talked to me about Real LIFE, the baby that had captured his heart. He talked about the career path public service offered someone like me, and he talked about the need to defeat poverty, and the need for people to rise up to serve. That’s a good description of who Joe Orosa was, someone who rose by the sharpness of his mind and the excellence of his work but also someone who stooped to serve with a purity of heart so rare for a man with so much reason to be jaded.

The amazing thing was, as he did all of this, work on the foundation and building, his work with Studio 5, and even making time for me, Tito Joe had cancer. The cancer could not stop him though, it would only try to slow his body down. Even then, his mind was still running much faster than the rest.

He was an accountant so he understood the financial implication of everything, but he didn’t value life using a calculator. More than the businesses, buildings, and organizations, Tito Joe was a builder of people.  Mentoring is not a series of lessons but a time of impartation. I thank God for people like Tito Joe, along with many others, who not only gave me their opinions, but set aside time for me. Growing up, I was always interacting with people much older than I am, and I have seen the contrast between seniors who are quick to load the next in line with rules and expectations and men like Tito Joe who understand that a cultivated person will surpass all goals and targets.

Looking back I realize his not so secret keys to success: a love for God and an unshakable faith. His love for God led him to love life and love people. His faith gave him the strength to live life fully and to show this love in different ways to hundreds of people.

Some people live for money, and amass fortunes they’ll leave behind.
Some live for power, only to be swallowed whole.
Some live for fame, and rise simply to peak.
Some live for achievement, and wake up regretting the price they paid.
Some live to fall in love, over and over again, until they can no longer recognize what true love is.
Others live for adventure, which lasts only as long as the last thrill.
People live for a million things that mean temporary at best, for death ends all things.
But men like Tito Joe will live forever, in eternity and in our hearts, the people he’s touched.