I’ve been getting a lot of questions on my Formspring that I’ve actually answered more than a thousand questions already. I’ll be posting some of my answers to your questions here under the “Ask David” category hoping that maybe my opinion might help others.
His Parents Don’t Approve of Me
“My boyfriend’ parents do not approve of me. Is that enough reason for us to separate?
I don’t understand why people ask me relationship questions. It’s one area in my life that I have no proof to show expertise in whatsoever. Whenever I think through my answers to these type of questions, I realize that it goes back to my whole value-oriented thinking which is basically, when making a decision, look at what’s most important to you and make the decision that brings you closer to that which you value.
Of course this becomes a problem with our values are skewed or wrong or negotiable, but that’ another post.
So Juliet, the answer to your question is another question thrown back at you: What is it you value most? I’m going to guess that the answer is “I don’t know.” so the better question is: What or who should you value most?
That’s something only you can answer.
Here are some considerations I suggest you look at:
1. History – So many people throw away old and established relationships when a new more exciting one comes along. If your parents don’t approve, there’s probably a reason why. Listen to their points without needing to defend yourself, at the very least you’ll learn what you need to work on to gain their approval. Remember that parents are a mix of hopes and fears for their kids and sometimes these things seem to irritatingly stifle, but beneath all of this is usually (hopefully) love.
2. Readiness to lay your life down – No one is ever really ready for the things they have to face. There’s always a surprise out there. But at the very least, when embarking on something as crazy as a relationship, you have to be ready to be responsible – willing and able to respond to the needs of your partner. If you’re not ready, or if he’s not ready, it’s probably not going to work. I’m not saying you have to know the future, have all the money you need, or be done with college. I’m saying you have to be willing and able to do whatever it takes to make it work. That’s easy to say but terribly hard to do in real life. Whatever it takes can mean anything from waking up in the middle of the night, working extra to pay the bills, swallowing your pride to keep the peace, and/or even taking care of a sick partner. Loving someone includes the beautiful emotions, but it also includes the equally beautiful laying down of life. That’s the best way to prove your love to that person and to others.
Of course you might wake one day realizing that you laid your life down for a complete jerk. So don’t jump in.
3. Ask God – Bring to God your questions and requests. He always answers. Maybe not in the way we always want, but it’s always in a way that’s best. There are no formulas to life and love, no fool-proof steps to achieving our dreams. But there’s faith and grace, provided by God to take us to where He wants to take us, to help us do what He wants us to do, and to build beautiful relationships with who He wants us to be with.
If you’re worried you’re going to make the wrong decision, don’t second guess yourself. Chances are you’re making the wrong choice. But if you’re sure, be firm in your decision.
